They don’t say women are from mars and men are from venus for nothing!
In fact, it’s not uncommon to go through periods in life when, let’s face it, your significant other is a real pain in the backside.
According to a quick Aussie stat check with Budget Direct, two in every 1000 people end in divorce.
And then, the most common age for getting a divorce is 45 for males and 42 for females – which if you think about it, is about the time when we’re in full on “adulting” mode – a mortgage, stressful jobs and a couple of school-age kids (or demanding fur-babies).
In fact, we also see a huge change in our partners during this age, because, people, well, change.
“The gloss of those first years together has well and truly worn off,” clinical Psychologist Gemma Cribb told Now to Love.
“When you compare your marriage day-to-day to the ideals that you fantasised about on your wedding day, reality can fall badly short and it is easy to blame your husband for this.”
While you may not end up breaking up, according to Relationship expert Dr. Juliana Morris, it’s quite common to start resenting the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with.
In an interview with Oprah Mag, Dr Morris outlined why.
“It’s very normal to have feelings of deep annoyance,” she said.
“If you spend a lot of time with someone, especially as intimately as living together, you learn all their idiosyncrasies.”
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“It’s very normal to have feelings of deep annoyance,” Dr Juliana Morris says.
(Source: Getty)But it’s not all doom and gloom.
Because while some get divorced, others are still madly in love with their spouse, even though they may drive them absolutely bonkers.
The “Whisper” app – an online community where people anonymously share real thoughts and feelings, compiled a list of all the secret things wives can’t stand about their husbands and the results are completely relatable.
Some people have very real issues:
“I can’t stand when my husband gets angry at things he can’t change. GET OVER IT!” one user wrote.
“I can’t stand when my husband expects everyone to pat his back for something I do everyday,” another said.
“I can’t stand when my husband is with his family. He turns into a self-righteous dou—bag and always makes fun of me! But away from his family he the nicest and sweetest guy ever!” Ouch!
And then the most common: “I can’t stand when my husband doesn’t listen…”
Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn and Bette Midler were the ultimate EX-wives in “First Wives Club”.
(Source: Paramount Pictures, 1996)Relationship expert Marla Mattenson says it best.
“If you don’t go through periods of annoyance and even disgust towards your partner, you haven’t broken through the superficial barrier and explored the dark crevices that make up the whole person.”
Then there are the other, less worrisome annoyances.
“I can’t stand when my husband sleeps in the middle of the bed,” one woman wrote.
And then there’s this: “I can’t stand when my husband eats cereal. He gets nearly half the cereal on the spoon then sluuuurps it up. F–k!” Ha! Sounds very irritating!
But for most women (and men), this one is probably the most accurate.
“Am I the only one who likes their spouse when they are not around? I can’t stand when my husband is home!”
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Story continues…
Before you become a character in The First Wives Club , it’s important to look at why these things are bothering us, because in most cases, our annoyances for others come from a “lacking” within and high expectations of the other person.
“When we marry someone we have expectations of how married life will be,” Dr Cribb said. “We will have an idea of what roles we will play, who will be responsible for what, and how things will work. Because there are far too many expectations to ever talk about in full, there is no way that all of our expectations will be shared with our partner, and we can never truly predict the challenges that we will face and how they will influence us, we are bound to be disappointed in some areas.
“This can lead to resentment forming.”
So really, it’s important to ask yourself, “what needs of mine aren’t being met right now?” and taking time to have a better relationship with “me, myself and I”.
Because then, the next time your husband looks at you sideways, you might find that you actually enjoy it!
