With summer officially weeks away, we’ll be gifted with three months of glorious beach weather to enjoy (maybe more, climate change pending). But, along with higher temps comes some seasonal shortcomings; plagues of flies, rogue patches of sunburn, and, for the ample-chested among us, boob sweat.
Yes. As a woman with a bust measurement at about an E-cup (a handful more when Aunty Flo visits), I myself am all too familiar with the sticky business that is scientifically known as, ‘boobus sweatus’ (full disclosure: I just made that up).
To be clear, big breast perspiration is not some kind of gross secretion that needs to be deodorised like your pits — no, think of it like the moisture that gathers in-between your elbows when you’ve had them folded for too long on a hot day.
Other than forcing you to wash your bra after every wear, as opposed to every 2 wears…okay, 3 wears… okay, 5… OKAY, every time it looks manky (!!!), boob sweat is just annoying, uncomfortable and causes your whole torso area to feel humid.
Dealing with this while out and about, or at work, means busty gals have to wear comfy bras made from natural fabrics to help soak up some of that moisture. But, really hot days with no AC means bras are to be worn as uniform 24/8— the first item of clothing put on out of the shower will be the bra, unless one enjoys the feeling of sweat droplets cascading down their chest and pooling at the belly button.
Because this is not a recent problem there have been several suggested remedies for jugs that drip. Think panty liners popped into bras:
This is someone’s actual DIY solution on the internet.
Others have suggested the quick kitchen cupboard solution; cornflour. While this absorbent method makes sense, are we all getting is flashbacks to Ross and his sexy leather pants disaster? Surely powder mixed with moisture will lead to nothing but paste?
The most recent solution to make waves is the Ta-Ta Towel; basically a hammock for your boobs that has been heralded as revolutionary in the fight against sweaty knockers.
I managed to get my hands on one of these terry-cloth creations, the brain child of Erin Robertson who conceived the invention on a hot day in L.A, and decided to see if it was worth all the hype…
Jessica wearing a size ‘medium’ for her E-cup chest.
According to the Ta-Ta Towel website the garment retails at $45 USD (approx. $60 AUD) and comes in various colours and patterns so as long as your melons can fill the three sizes (small is a big C-DD, medium is a DDD-E, and large is a F-H), you’re likely to find something that suits you.
Now, I did the bulk of my road-test for this review earlier this year during peak-summer in NYC where it gets pretty darn steamy.
One Saturday, while the AC was out of action, my apartment reached hellish temperatures and I wore my Ta-Ta Towel around the house for eight-hours straight during a Game of Thrones* marathon.
Apart from discovering that the TTT kept my underboobs separated from my chest (FYI: contact between these two zones = sweat city), I found the halter-style didn’t put too much annoying pressure on my neck like a cozzie would during a long day at the beach.
In fact, there’s a nifty little tab at the back for loosening and tightening, which will be super handy when the material starts to lose a little tension as it gets older.
Will I ever have to buy a bra again?
So, one might wonder, what can you do in the TTT? Like, can you exercise in a TTT? The answer to that is, ‘Hell no!’
But, as any big-busted woman knows, you can’t comfortably move fast in anything but a heavy-duty sports bra; I personally haven’t gone on a spontaneous jog since before puberty.
But the TTT isn’t built to support running, or even bikram yoga. It’s revolutionary getting-ready-wear; something you can use to support/mop up your ta-ta sweat while you lean over the bathroom sink to do your eyeliner.
The sexy factor…
Are you wondering, is it actually sexy in real life? Answer: absolutely not. But are you really at your most sexy when you choose to spend the day binge eating in lounge-wear a la my aforementioned GOT marathon? Probs not. And, in the moments when you choose those activities, if you’re worried about looking sexy, you ain’t relaxing right.
Post continues after video: Kim Kardashian’s best boob moments
Conclusion: I ❤ it a lot
Overall, my feelings toward this nifty titty invention are widely positive; the Ta-Ta Towel is comfy and functional so I’m giving it two nipples up! ( . Y . )
