Not that we’re counting (OK, we totally are) but it’s been FOUR royally long days since Prince William and Duchess Catherine welcomed their perfect prince into the world.
We’ve poured over literally every single frame of Prince George and Princess Charlotte arriving at the hospital to meet their little brother, wept tears of joy looking at the Cambridges lovingly cradle their yet-to-named third child on the steps of St Marys and even giggled at proud Prince Charles’ heartfelt statement.
But as royalists, we’re still holding out for the all-important title reveal and so far it’s been all quiet on the naming front and to be honest, this devoted monarchist is just a tad concerned over recent revelations it’s most likely going to Prince Albert*.
In case you missed it, overnight Kensington Palace pretty much let the Albert-shaped cat out of the bag, creating a mysterious URL on their official Royal Family website.
Eagled-eyed fans noticed the webpage www.royal.uk/prince-albert pop up and when you try to visit the page, however, users were met with “Access Denied” and “You are not authorised to access this page” messages.
Prince William has admitted he’s currently “working on” the final moniker, so there’s still time to change his mind…
Here’s why Prince William and Duchess Catherine might want to rethink Prince Albert…
1. Prince Albert already exists (and it’s really not the best namesake)
Look, we know there’s a small pool of regal-approved names available so it’s slim pickings.
But remember scandal-prone Prince Albert of Monaco? He’s been rocking the name for 60 years.
Over the years, the son of Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier made headlines for a slew of controversies. Most notably, for his two older children daughter Jazmin Grace Grimaldi, 25, and his first-born son Alexandre Coste, 14 whom he had out of wedlock and thanks to outdated laws, can’t inherit the throne.
While his twins with Charlene of Monaco, Prince Jacques and Princess Gabriella, two, have been raised royal.
Jazmin, whose mother Tamara Rotolo had a three week fling with the Prince during a holiday to the French Riviera in 1991, first rose to fame at the tender age of 14 when her father publicly acknowledged her as his daughter.
There was also all that unpleasantness ahead of his wedding to Olympic swimmer Charlene Wittstock in 2011, with reports at the time claiming the blonde beauty had cold feet.
Speculation was ablaze when tabloids reported the bride-to-be attempted to leave Monaco just days before their July wedding. It was alleged the Palace worked with the police to confiscate her passport so she couldn’t leave the country.
However the palace vemently denied the stories, calling them “ugly rumours.”
Albert, pictured with Charlene, Jacques and Gabriella, has four children. But his youngest child Jacques will inherit the throne.
2. A “Prince Albert” is also the name for something pretty X-rated
If you’re not at work, please google the term “Prince Albert”….
All done? Well, I rest my case.
For those of you still in the office, a “Prince Albert” is the colloquial term for a penis piercing in the form of a metal ring that’s inserted into the urethra and comes out via the shaft.
According to historical hearsay, it was originally invented to help well-endowed men keep their packages down and not create an unsightly bulge, while it’s since evolved into something used for sexual pleasure.
It was named after Queen Victoria of England’s husband, Prince Albert, who was rumoured to have had one done in 1825.
Prince Albert, pictured with Queen Victoria on their wedding day, was rumoured to have one of the painful genital piercings.
3. It’s too old man-ish
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a charming old man name!
Prince George is the perfect example of a retro option that will straddle both sides of ageing. You can be a cute little baby called George, a go-getting professional George in your 20s and 30s and an adorable Grandpa George who sips tea with his grandkids.
But Albert just doesn’t seem to have that versatility.
*No ill towards anyone called Albert! But don’t hesitate to send any hate mail my way if you feel so inclined.
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