‘The days are long, but the years are short.’ I repeated that mantra to myself many times over many afternoons when my boys were small. Now they’re both at school it seems even more poignant. Because the years were short. They flew by.
It just didn’t seem like it at the time, especially when I’d had given anything for adult company. Often the feelings of isolation would leave me in a weeping heap (I’m sure many parents at home with small children can relate, or remember!).
Two particular things saved me from true loneliness when my boys were tiny — my mother’s group and a local playgroup. Going along to those every single week gave me something to look forward to, but more importantly, they gave me a sense of community, belonging, and connectedness.
Some of the women I met became very dear friends, and the shared experience of motherhood turned out to be one of the greatest blessings that come along with having kids.
My life experiences have taught me that friendships are a very good thing for my well-being. And it turns out science has some very compelling evidence for the power of friendship too.
A 2010 meta-analysis of 148 studies of 300,000 people tracked for over seven years after completing surveys of their social connectedness found that:
Having friends and social connections means you’ll live longer
Or in other words, people with strong social relationships have an increased likelihood of survival than those with weaker social relationships.
The converse is also true. Social isolation is very bad for your health. The influence of social relationships on the risk of death are comparable with well-established risk factors for mortality such as smoking and alcohol consumption and exceed the influence of other risk factors such as physical inactivity and obesity.
The impact of socialising on survival is comparable with quitting smoking
The negative impacts of social isolation were found to be:
Equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day
Equivalent to being an alcoholic
More harmful than not exercising
Twice as harmful as obesity
Contrast the impact of social isolation to the health of people with stronger social connections. They exhibited:
Lower rates of heart disease
Less infectious illness because of a stronger immune system
Less abnormal inflammatory responses to stress
Lower rates of dementia
Measures of ‘social connection’ include whether someone is married or not, lives with other people, has less than monthly contact (including face-to-face, telephone, or written/e-mail contact) with their children, or other family members, or friends, and if they participate in social clubs or residents’ groups, religious groups, or committees.
Being socially connected maintains brain health
Neuroscience research has shown that people who participate in high numbers of different leisure activities have a lower risk of developing dementia. Such activities include going to clubs, visiting friends or being visited, playing cards and community or volunteer work.
People with large social networks have also been found to have a lower risk of dementia, while loneliness was associated with more than double the risk of developing late-life memory loss.
How do friends impact your brain health?
For one, being socially connected to other people may reduce the harmful effects of stress.
Friends may also encourage healthy behaviours such as eating well, taking medications, and practicing hygiene.
Interacting with other people may contribute to ‘cognitive reserve’. While cognitive reserve is a bit of a vague term, it refers to how resistant the mind is to damage or deterioration of the brain.
Socialising involves many cognitive functions such as thinking, feeling, sensing, reasoning and intuition. Mentally stimulating activities build up a reserve of healthy brain cells and promote the formation of new synapses (connections between brain cells) which may protect against dementia.
I know it can takes courage to get out there, put on a smile and brave rejection when you are feeling alone and isolated, but keep in mind the benefits to your mental and physical well-being are as good for you as giving up smoking!
