Married At First Sight Australia is back with an all-mighty bang.
Last night, the nation’s favourite reality TV show returned to our screens and we haven’t stopped talking about it since.
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From Cam and Jules’ instant connection to Nic and Ivan’s intense confrontation, Australia is hooked.
On Tuesday’s episode, we were introduced to the next round of couples and there’s one particular pairing that has us a tad worried.
Enter 31-year-old farmer Mick from Queensland, who weds 26-year-old part-time model and party animal Jessika, yes, with a K, from WA.
Jess is a blonde bombshell who loves a poutie, bikini-clad selfie and a wild night out.
Mick is a salt-of-the-earth Aussie bloke who enjoys bottle feeding baby lambs on his farm.
They also live on opposite sides of Australia and we all know long distance is the ultimate kiss of death for any struggling reality TV couple.
Jessika and Mick on their wedding day. (Image: Channel Nine)
It doesn’t take an expert match-maker to see this is going to be hot mess, which obviously translates into ratings gold.
And therein lies the obvious problem with MAFS.
Each year, the MAFS machine gets bigger and better with every season eclipsing the last in terms of tears, tantrums and partner swapping.
WATCH NEXT: The experts on why they’re pairing Mick and Jess together
Lamb whisperer Mick is simply too pure for this world. (Image: Channel Nine)
So this year, the pressure is well and truly on to deliver a Dean and Davina, a Troy and Carly and a Tracey and Sean 2.0… and then some.
However, the show’s experts are still insistent they make their matches based on “rigorous science and psychological testing.”
“What’s most important is for us to break Jessika’s pattern of disposable relationships,” expert Trish earnestly explains.
“We need to find her a parnter who is willing to invest time into the relationship and shares her family values. Although at face value, we see that Jess is very much the city girl and Mick’s our country guy, at the heart of it all, their very similar,” psychologist Mel adds with confidence, glazing over their enormous differences by citing their shared “family values” 99% of the population would also happen to have.
However when Jess’ bridesmaid first lays eyes on Mick sweating bullets at the altar, she doesn’t mince her words.
“Oh god, she won’t like him,” she bluntly states.
What could possibly go wrong? The show has become so hyper-aware of its reputation to shock that the 2019 couples are going to be Tracey and Dean on steroids. (Image: Channel Nine)
With all the trimmings of a TV wedding at play, Jess and Mick actually get on well to begin with.
“The wedding’s going perfectly, I really like him! I think he has a good personality. At the moment, he’s ticking every box. I’m really happy,” Jess beams.
But it’s easy to feel a vibe with someone when your first meeting is a big old party with free flowing booze, top-notch catering and pretty dresses.
Just wait until reality hits on the home visits and you’re cleaning up lamb poo on Mick’s farm in the middle of nowhere, Jess.
Their honeymoon phase lasts all of about six hours thanks to Mick’s groomsmen’s disastrous best man speech about his mate’s humiliating dalliance with Viagra.
Bubble burst: Jessika’s face after the best man speech. (Image: Channel Nine)
Season three MAFS star Clare Verrall, who “married” Jono Pitman in what turned out to be the series’ biggest train-wreck pairing, has repeatedly criticised the show for teaming couples they know will be explosive and make for good viewing.
“[The producers] see those traits and they know that those traits are not going to match up well with the person that they’ve matched you with,” she once explained
“They’re like, ‘villain- she’s going to be controlling, she’s going to be bossy, he’s going to rail against it.’ The show is more manipulated than fabricated.”
Indeed Blind Freddie can see that Jess and Mick are a disaster waiting to happen and with just one couple remaining together out of five seasons of MAFS, the statistics speak louder than the experts.
Here’s hoping season six season can produce at least one solid love story that will go the distance (looking at you, Jules and Cam).
For more “Married at First Sight” exclusive content and goss, listen to the MAFS Confessional podcast, dropping this Thursday!
Can Jessika and Mick beat the shocking MAFS survival rates? Only time will tell.
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