I don’t pretend to be in the know about American athletes (okay any athletes really), but everyone has heard of Tom Brady.
Be it for his total dominance of the NFL as the New England Patriots’ star quarterback or his marriage to the richest model in the world, Gisele Bündchen, the man is firmly wedged in the popular conscious.
Recently, he came under fire for kissing his son on the lips. A short clip featured in a recent Facebook spot showed his son, Jack, 10, giving his father a kiss on the lips while he is getting a massage. As expected, social media was quickly set ablaze with comments of disgust and people feeling uncomfortable.
This isn’t a new debate — just look at the furore of the Beckhams and their kissing habits — but surely we should be tired of it by now. For months, we’ve been confronting the consequences of hyper-masculinity, and now, instead of supporting a man who unabashedly showers his children with affection, we’re trying to embarrass him?
Let’s focus on condemning abusive or absentee fathers, not project our own sexuality on what we all know is a perfectly harmless, innocent and loving interaction.
But outside of the politics and social stigma of it all, there’s one thing we’re all overlooking: Tom Brady is a bit of a kook. If we’re going to discuss every weird thing he does, kissing his kids (and dad) on the lips, should be far, far down on the list.
How is he so strange, you ask? Let us count the ways.
His social media presence
He has a fake newspaper called the TB Times and it, honestly, makes no sense — not even to the biggest Patriots fan. It has people online often questioning what the joke is, if there even is a joke, or is it just a ploy to see how far they can push before Tom Brady die-hards start to actually question their ultimate leader.
His insane diet
Tom Brady’s diet is up there with Gwenyth Paltrow’s. He doesn’t eat “nightshades”, so no tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, or eggplants. No caffeine. No fungus. No dairy. He’ll have a banana in a smoothie, but otherwise steers clear of fruit. He’s never drunk coffee before.
When one interviewer asked him about his maintaining his health, he replied, “I’ve never eaten a strawberry in my life.”
You know what he does eat though? Vegetable based ice cream. I mean it’s obviously working for the guy, but that diet is definitely weirder than showing your kid love.
He refuses to sign photos of himself he doesn’t like
To be precise, photos that look like he’s throwing badly. The man’s got a well-groomed throwing motion and when he was brought a photo to autograph, he rejected it.
“I don’t want that one — look at my mechanics,” he said.
Sorry, kids.
His bed time
He goes to bed at 8:30pm every night, whether it’s the on season or the off season. But also, I’ve seen photos of him at the Met Gala which leaves me filled with questions: Does he leave early? Does he nap at the event? Does he throw caution to the wind and stay out til 9pm?
^ See! Photographic evidence.
At the same time, he watches game film to correct himself at 3:30am. Brady, you’re a real enigma.
His personal trainer and business partner, Alex Guerrero
This is the guy who started the vegetable-based “dessert” schtick. Guerrero, who is integral to Brady’s famous TB12 health manual, was sued by the Federal Trade Commission for claiming he was a doctor while simultaneously asserting he had a miracle cure to somehow heal diabetes, heart disease, cancer etc.
He’s also advertised a drink he claimed prevented concussions – a drink endorsed by Brady.
His life is planned to the very second for the next three years
Brady’s daily schedule until he’s well into his 40s is already predetermined and micromanaged. His treatment, workouts, recovery, practice, food, rest – everything planned in minute detail.
His (controversial) trainer says it’s so they can work on both short and long terms.
“The whole idea is to program his body to do what we want it to do,” says Alex Guerrero. “We don’t let the body dictate to us. We dictate.”
Sounds fun.
His friendship with Donald Trump
In the lead up to the election, Trump said if he asked Brady to endorse him, the quarter back wouldn’t hesitate.
“I think he would do it if I asked him. I’ve never asked him to do it. But I think he’d do it if I asked him,” he said.
At the end of 2015, when asked if Trump would win the presidency, Brady said: “I hope so. It would be great. There would be a putting green on the White House lawn, I’m sure of that.”
As the election came closer, Brady started to avoid questions about Trump saying his wife told him not to talk about politics.
By January 2017, he was telling reporters, “I don’t want to get into it, but if you know someone it doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say or they do. You have a lot of friends in your life. I think there are things that are based in your own dealings with someone that is a personal dealing, not a public dealing. Because you have personal experiences.”
Interesting.
The most important takeaway from this is clearly avocado ice cream is way more newsworthy than a dad kissing his kids on the lips.
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