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March 2002 reviews

20 Years From The Waist Up

by Richard Morecroft, (HarperCollins $29.95)

Away from TV and out of suit and tie, the recently retired newsreader is a modern day superman who turns into a rock climber, abseiler, motorbike rider, scuba diver and canoeist, among other things. But the focus of this gentle, entertaining read, is Morecroft’s adventures in the media including topics such as obsessed fans, on-air bloopers and changing a flying fox’s nappy on the office desk. Light and easy reading with giggles.

Distant Music

by Charlotte Bingham (Bantam $18.95)

Great reading for commuters or for leisurely, recovery weekends. Elsie aims for stardom in the post war world of England, encouraged by her grandmother, a theatrical landlady. On the same path is Oliver Plunkett whose family butler has given him directions. Fame and fortune calls and away they go. A fascinating look at the theatre and early television world that the clever Bingham, who was a writer on Upstairs Downstairs and Nanny, knows so well and recreates so charmingly.

On Murder 2

Edited by Kerry Greenwood ( Black Inc. $21.95) True Crime Writing in Australia

Crime buffs and lovers of morbid mysteries will find this anthology, compiled by Kerry Greenwood, Melbourne solicitor and author of the terrific Phryne Fisher mysteries, fascinating. Penned by journalists, a forensic pathologist, a barrister and writers who revisit true life crimes, many in gritty detail. Not for the faint-hearted, but interesting with some of the stories exposing the shortfalls of our legal system and raising moral questions that give you something to think about long after you’ve put the book down. “We can ask a soldier about war, we can ask a rock climber how it feels to fall of a cliff, we can ask a battered wife how it feels to be beaten up every day. But we can’t ask a murder victim how it feels to be murdered. Murder is a puzzle which always has the most important piece missing.” (from the introduction to On Murder 2 by Kerry Greenwood)

Saturday Afternoon Fever

by Matthew Hardy (HarperCollins $16.95)

Fans hanging out for the AFL football season to start will love this charming, coming of age tale about a boy growing up in Melbourne in the late 1970s. Cop Shop is the hottest show in town. Malcolm Fraser is in The Lodge. Skyhooks are big, along with Skippy, drive-ins and dinner dances. The author, a young boy, discovers Australian Rules and the star footballer who will shape his destiny, St Kilda’s Trevor Barker. A delightful read.

The Devil’s Triangle

by Frances M. Boyle (Crawford House Publishing $29.95 Tel: 08 83401411)

An intriguing, true life account of cattle rustling, dark deeds and one family’s nightmarish struggle for survival on a remote cattle station. Written by the woman who experienced it all at her husband’s side, it’s like a classic western, with the forces of good and evil battling it out in the red dust. There’s also cronyism and corruption and the beautiful outback. What makes it all the more astonishing is that this all happened in the 1980’s in far north Queensland, not in another century as you might think.

Miss Australia

(Crawford House Publishing $49.95 Tel: 08 83401411)

This large, glossy book is a trip down memory lane with its great photos and engagingly written, well researched account of Miss Australia, the famous pageant that disappeared forever in the year 2000. Full of fascinating personal stories, this book attempts to uncover the truth of what it was like to have the crown, gown and sceptre and be an Australian icon for a year. There was glamour, heartache, controversy and lots of blisters as thousands of young Australian women sold raffle tickets, baked cakes and washed cars to raise money for Spastic Centres. A delicious and highly entertaining slice of Australian social history.

Hope Happens

by Catherine DeVrye (Everest Press $14.95)

Words of encouragement for tough times… A book of favourite quotes about overcoming adversity, collected by the author who was named Australian Executive Woman of the Year. De Vrye has known plenty of her own tough times, overcome setbacks such as a time spent in an orphanage, the premature death of her adoptive parents and her own recovery from cancer. Available nationally in bookshops and in Cancer Council stores in NSW. (If purchased from the Cancer Council, all proceeds go towards cancer research, education and prevention programs and support services for cancer patients and their carers. Anyone can call the Cancer Council’s mail order line on 02 9334 1953 and for $5 have it sent anywhere in Australia)

Call Waiting by Dianne Blacklock (Pan Macmillan $20)

This new author has come up with a plot that will ring bells with many people: Two 30-something friends are reassessing their lives. Ally, a teacher in a relationship with an unsatisfactory yuppie, returns to her old home to confront the past. Meg, a career woman with a fond husband and small baby wonders if finding what is missing from her life will harm her family. An absorbing, accomplished story with a cast of strong characters. Children’s Book:

Olga the Brolga by Rod Clement (HarperCollins $24.95)

This is one of those children’s books you secretly desire to keep for yourself. Written by award winning author and illustrator, Rod Clement, who grew up in New Guinea and the north coast of NSW, it has fantastic, vividly coloured illustrations, a charming story about a loveable bird who just wants to dance and a great sub-text about the powers of persuasion.

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Andrew g

Age: 35

Location: Ivanhoe, NSW

Type of farm: Sheep station

Marital status: Single

What are you looking for in a woman? I don’t have and set criteria as long as she is happy and down-to-earth. I would like her to be aged between 25 and 35 and social smoking and drinking is OK. Looks are not important, as long as she is well-groomed.

How would you describe yourself? Easy-going, happy go lucky, punctual, friendly.

Describe a typical day in the life of your future wife? I can be flexible with my working hours and days, but I can work up to 16 hours a day during shearing season (ie mid February until the end of March).

Why are you a good catch? I enjoy life and good company. I might also spoil her.

What do you do when you are not farming? I visit my family. I go to town every month for a movie or dinner, but I would go more often if I had the right person to go with.

Name one thing (apart from childbirth) that women do better than men? Communicate.

Describe your ideal life in 10 years time? Cruising along with a nice woman and two kids. Money is not an issue as long as you are happy.

Which famous woman reflects the qualities you look for in a perfect partner, and what are those qualities? Tracey Grimshaw. She’s funny and unpretentious.

If you were a great singer, what song would you serenade the object of your affection with? I can’t sing.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done? I once surprised a girlfriend with a holiday to Tasmania.

What’s the best thing about being a farmer? There’s nobody looking over your shoulder.

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Weekend detox plan

Feeling below par? This gentle program of herbs, exercise, and bathing will cleanse your system and boost your vitality. It makes a lot of sense – especially after any kind of over-indulgence or stress – to give your body a rest.

Another bonus: Cleansing diets help boost metabolism, and might help you lose a few kilos!

DO YOU NEED TO DETOX?

If you answer “yes” to three or more questions, you probably do:

  • Do you often feel tired?

  • Are you unable to concentrate?

  • Do you use coffee, cigarettes or sweets to perk you up?

  • Are you constipated?

  • Do you exercise only rarely?

  • Do you often get yeast infections?

  • Is your home near air and water pollution?

  • Are you exposed to chemicals or drugs in your work?

  • Do you have food allergies or bad skin?

+

Friday Evening

Enjoy this Epsom Salts Detoxifying Soak:

  • 2 cups Epsom salts

  • 10 drops juniper essential oil

  • Epsom salts are rich in magnesium, which eases sore muscles and induces relaxation. As you empty the bathwater, imagine any problems swirling down the drain, too.

Practise Deep Breathing just before bed:

Most of us breathe too shallowly. This exercise encourages breathing into the whole of the lungs, oxygenating your whole body.

Lie on your back. Place a book over your navel. Inhale, pushing your abdomen towards the ceiling; exhale, pulling your abdominal muscles in towards your spine. The book should rise and fall with your breathing. Continue for several minutes, then relax.

Go to bed before 10pm.

Saturday

Start the day with this Cleansing Tonic to strengthen your liver and encourage elimination:

  • 200 ml spring water

  • juice of 1 lemon

  • pinch of powdered ginger

  • 1 tablespoon flaxseeds

  • 1 teaspoon psyllium powder

  • Stir thoroughly and drink immediately.

Perform Dry Brush Massage before showering to stimulate lymphatic flow and circulation, and remove dead skin cells; finish your shower with a cold rinse:

You’ll need a soft bristle brush with a long detachable handle, so you can reach your back. Begin with the soles of your feet, then brush up your calves, knees, thighs, and over your hips to your lower back. Brush your hands, up your arms, across your shoulders, gently over your breasts, and down the back of your neck and upper back. Avoid genitals or any irritated skin.

Prepare this Purifying Herb Tea, and drink 3 cups throughout the day.

  • 1 teaspoon each nettle, peppermint, dandelion root, and red clover

  • Combine in a saucepan with 3 cups of cold water. Bring to the boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Strain. Sweeten with apple juice.

For the next two days, you’ll eat only fresh fruits, steamed vegetables, cooked millet (a nutritious and alkalising grain), and at least 2 litres of liquids each day: herb teas, the Herbal Cleansing Tonic, fresh juices and water.

Avoid caffeine, alcohol, oils (except for a spoonful of olive or flaxseed oil on your vegies), refined sugar, or salt. Season your food with lemon juice, garlic, ginger or cayenne, all of which support the detox process while adding flavour.

Also on the “no” list: television and any other stress-producing habits, like reading the newspaper. Relax – call a friend, or write in your diary instead.

Take a teaspoon of herbal bitters before each meal, to improve your digestion.

Go for a 15-minute walk in the morning, afternoon and evening. Fresh air and sunshine are very important on a detox diet. If it’s cold, rug up.

Enjoy the Epsom Salts Detoxifying Bath, practise the Deep Breathing Exercises and go to bed before 10pm.

Sunday

Follow same plan as for Saturday, plus these two extra activities:

Following your Dry Brush Massage, treat yourself to this all-over Body Cleansing Scrub, followed by a warm shower and cold rinse:

  • ½ cup fine sea salt

  • 1 tablespoon almond oil

  • 5 drops grapefruit essential oil

  • Using approx 1 tbsp of the mixture at a time, massage with a gentle circular motion into damp skin, starting with calves, working up thighs and stomach, then up each arm and over shoulders and back.

Practise 15 minutes of Energising Stretches, whenever you choose:

  • Swinging Twists: Stand with feet hip-width apart and, with a gentle twisting motion from your hips, twist from side to side, letting your arms swing naturally.

  • Chest Expander: Stand and interlock your fingers behind your lower back. Inhale, raising your arms as far as you comfortably can, keeping shoulders relaxed. Exhale, and lower arms to buttocks. Repeat.

  • Shoulder Rolls: Stand or sit, and rotate shoulders backwards 5 times, then forwards 5 times. Inhale as your shoulders come up, exhale as they go down.

Monday

Call the florist and order a big, beautiful bunch of flowers to be delivered to your home or office – and start celebrating the new you!

Note: Almost everyone can safely undertake this program, but there are a few exceptions: People who are severely underweight or anaemic, those who have hyperthyroidism, pregnant or lactating women, anyone with a chronic degenerative disease, such as cancer, should consult their health care practitioner.

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Furry shoulder bag

Measurements

Approximately 35cm x 40cm

Materials

  • 0.4m x 112cm novelty fur fabric

  • 1.1m x 2cmw-de grosgrain ribbon

  • 25cm square contrast felt, for star

  • 25cm square transparent plastic, for star

  • Glitter

  • Craft glue

Cutting

From fur fabric, cut two rectangles, each 35cm x 40cm

Method

1. STAR

Star outline is printed on pattern sheet in black. Trace onto felt square, but do not cut out. Place transparent plastic square on top of felt square and stitch around outline, through both layers, leaving one “arm” open. Sprinkle glitter into star outline between felt and plastic, then finish stitching last arm of star to enclose glitter completely. Trim around stitched outline about 3mm from stitching. Glue completed Star to centre of one fur rectangle.

2. BAG

With right sides together, stitch rectangles together around sides and lower edge, allowing 1cm seams. Fold under 3cm on upper raw edge and topstitch in place, catching raw ens of ribbon strap in place inside on side seams at time.

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February 2002 book gossip

  • Good news for Donna Leon fans – her latest book, Wilful Behaviour (Random), is out in April.

  • Also from Random, same month, comes Michael J Fox’s long awaited book, Lucky Man: A Memoir. Billed as a funny, moving account of what it’s like to be a 30 year old man with an 80 year old man’s disease, Fox stunned the world when he announced in 1998 that he had Parkinson’s Disease.

  • In March there’s Charlotte Bingham’s new novel, Distant Music (Random), which is set in the musical theatre after the Second World War.

  • Crime fans will be thrilled to hear HarperCollins is publishing a new Dalziel and Pascoe mystery by Reginald Hill. Dialogues of the Dead is due in book shops in March.

  • The former wild boy of tennis, John McEnroe, is releasing his autobiography called Serious, in July to tie in with Wimbledon. Published by Penguin, it covers McEnroe’s brilliant tennis career and his marriage to movie star, Tatum O’Neal.

  • Ann Pearlman whose exquisitely written book Infidelity, has been sold to Broadway for a quarter of a million dollars, has written a new book called Living in a Black and White World, which is the story of her mixed race marriage and her experience raising mixed race children.

  • British journalist and celebrity biographer, Wendy Leigh, has written a novel in which the late First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe who had an affair with JFK, exchange letters.

  • Seven publishers were interested in a book about the role of American army nurses in World War II. Due to be published next year by Knopf, it is already famous for having a 31 word title.

  • Following September 11, the trend in books in the US was for the spiritual/philosophical/new age. Now, latest book sales indicate Americans have retreated to the kitchen where they’re cooking up a storm. There’s reports of a big increase in the sales of cookery books across the board, but specifically for cookery books for large occasions, as well as ones that use packaged food and those specialising in desserts.

  • In the pipeline is a biography of silent movie comedian, Buster Keaton.

  • First came Harry Potter, then The Lord of the Rings. Now, the latest children’s book that’s set to get the big screen treatment is The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, from the Chronicles of Narnia.

  • For fans of Barbara Vine ( who is really Ruth Rendell writing under a pseudonym), comes the great news that her next book, The Blood Doctor, (Viking) is due in July.

  • The same month sees a new Marian Keyes – Angels (Penguin) – hit the book shops.

  • Towards the end of this year, expect the release of the autobiography of June Dally-Watkins (Viking), the doyenne of finishing schools and Australia’s most successful, post war model.

  • Also in the second half of year, expect the second instalment of Barry Humphries’ autobiography, titled You Could Be Happy Here (Viking).

  • There’s an unusual twist to the next book by Australia’s best selling author, Bryce Courtenay, due out just before next Christmas (Viking) – it is written in the voice of Trim, the cat who accompanied explorer Matthew Flinders on his voyages.

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Monica Mcinerney q&a

Monica McInerney, whose latest book, Upside Down Inside Out (Penguin), is featured in The Australian Women’s Weekly, February issue.

Q How did you start writing?

A: I had a short story published in an Australian women’s magazine, that was my start.

Q You are one of seven children, where was your position in the family?

A: In the middle. Did I tell I’ve got deep dark secrets and psychological problems (laughing). Very handy for an author actually. I have three brothers and three sisters and we’re all eighteen months apart, being so close in age we’re all like really close friends. And they keep a very close eye on everything I write, waiting for the family history to come out. It’s good, I have a ready made audience, just they’re a bit more watchful than normal human beings.

Q What did your parents do for a living?

A: My dad died March last year, I really miss him, but he was the station master in Clare, South Australia, so we were the railway kids. We grew up in this big old house opposite the railway station in Clare and every year we’d have the railway Father Christmas come in the train and we’d all go over. We thought the trains were ours. Like if your father’s the baker you think everybody has bread. We had all these trains to play with every day. It was fantastic. And my mum looked after us and then went back to work and worked in the local library and again we had access to the library. I think it was the only way she could get around having to pay the huge overdue fines we racked up…

It was a brilliant childhood actually. Nine people in one house and an Irish background, there was lots of talk and chat and story telling and my mum and my dad were curious about people so there was always loads of visitors in the house. Really lively. It was a rambunctious way to grow up.

Q Did your grandparents come from Ireland?

A: No, back further, I think it was my great grandfather, I reckon it is or maybe even one more than that. Curiously, my mother’s grandparents and my father’s grandparents both came from County Clare in Ireland and then we ended up in Clare in South Australia which is now twin with Clare in Ireland. There’s these incredibly strong links between the two places now. In fact we’ve always married other Irish people so we’re kind of thoroughbred (laughing) immigrants if you know what I mean. Like Irish descent all the way through, which is quite unusual. I’m Monica Mary McInerney.

Q Apart from the story telling in the family, your relationship with writing and reading began in your childhood?

A: Mum’s a huge reader as well and that’s why I’m really big on the fact that if kids grow up seeing their parents read, it becomes a very natural thing to do. Before the library opened we used to have books sent from the Adelaide library on the train. I have beautiful memories of going there on Tuesday night and the train or the bus would come in from Adelaide and each would have a little wrapped up brown paper parcel that some librarian in Adelaide had chosen for us. That’s how it was in Clare. And I had really good school teachers who really encouraged us to read and write. I wrote a book when I was about nine about a family who goes to Perth on the train.

Q What was it called?

A: I think it was called The Smith Family Goes to Perth On the Train (laughing). And we used to put on lots of school plays. I grew up in a cauldron of words I guess.

Q Before becoming a full time writer, you worked at a lot of different jobs?

A: I hope to God it works out with the books because I’ll never get another job, now that people see I only stay at places two minutes. I’ve got the bug – again it’s from growing up in the country, if you want to get out you do have to travel to see as much of the world as you want to. And I’ve always loved that – when you’ve been somewhere for a few years, in a job or a country or a place, and then moving on to try something else and that’s what I’ve done. I met my Irish husband in Melbourne and he’s got the same approach. We’ve kept moving around the two of us, together.

Q Married for how long?

A: Ten years this month (February).

Q Where did you meet?

A: I was living in Melbourne working for Penguin as a book publicist. (I’ve also worked as a book publicist in Dublin and Adelaide). John’s a journalist who was working with the Sunday Herald until they closed down. He now works at Adelaide University as their media and marketing person.

Q Children?

A: No, just the two of us.

Q Cat or dog?

A: No neither, I’m mad about cats but we move around so much, I think it would be too hard.

We were living in Hobart up until about two years ago when my dad became sick so we came back to SA to be near him.

I always said that if Ireland and Australia had a baby, it would look like Tasmania. It’s got the dryness in some bits but it’s compact in the way that Ireland is – same shape.

Q When did you first go to Ireland?

A: I lived in London when I was 19. I’d been working with Here’s Humphrey – had been working there for 3 years after I finished school. Everybody used to laugh when I’d say I was writing scripts because Humphrey never speaks. I’d say it’s the perfect preparation to write romantic comedies, he’s the original strong silent type.

It was the best first job.

I went to London when I was 19, stayed there for a couple of years. Went to Ireland for the first time then, just for a week. Thought every boy would look like Bono. And there’d be singing and dancing everywhere. Of course it’s not and it was really depressed back then.

I also went to Belfast a few times. Then when I met John in Melbourne when I was 25, I went back then with him and was there for five years. Then we came back here. Lived in a farm house for the first year. Then we moved to Dublin when I got a job at a book publishers there.

Q Was being a book publicist the result of wanting to write?

A: A bit of everything I think. I loved the idea of being around books. With my mum being a librarian and then having books everywhere, it was just fantastic to work for a publisher and see how they’re made. At that stage I didn’t have any idea of being a writer. Even though I’d written all my life, either to amuse myself or when I was in PR. I never thought I’d do it as a living. Just loved it, looking after writers. I looked after people like Roald Dahl, Tim Winton and Edna O’Brien, really good writers.

Q Was Roald Dahl terrifying?

A: Yes, he was, but he took to me luckily. He asked me to do something and I did it quickly, I think if I’d taken longer I would have known a different side of him. At the end of the day he was really professional and very hard working, and that’s what they all are…I think I picked up by osmosis really, lots about the best approach just by having talked to lots and lots of authors.

Q What prompted you to be a writer ultimately.

A: I knew I wanted to be around books and I’d always been around them. I’d always been around creative people and that was leading into my own creativeness I suppose. And then when I moved to Tassie I had trouble getting work. We arrived a few days after the Port Arthur massacre and things were just desperate down there. I think that’s what sparked it. Suddenly, it was the first time I hadn’t been involved in books for probably 12 years, nothing to do with books or writing and I really missed it. And that started me writing, it was almost like I had to fill up this void that had previously been filled by me being with authors talking about books all day. What can I do to get that feeling back into my life?

I started writing and it was like a dam burst – this is what I want to do. I can remember the feeling, sitting there after I’d written the first one – I can make up things! I can do it too!

I sent short stories off everywhere, including the women’s mags. The ideas were flying out of me. It was like I had to be away from books to write my own.

Q How old were you when you were first published?

A: I’m 36 now and I was published in Ireland in November 2000 so I must have been 35. And that was A Taste For It.

Q Why did you send your first manuscript overseas and not a local publisher?

A: I was feeling shy about it, thought by sending it far away it wouldn’t hurt so much when it got rejected. I think also because I’d lived in Ireland and I’d seen the sorts of books they were publishing I reckoned my book fitted into that genre. I had it in the back of my mind to send it to them then I heard about this write a best seller competition. So I thought perfect, I’ll send it to them. So I did. Sent it off in a big padded bag and didn’t think much more about it. In the meantime, I won a trip to Ireland. John and I went off on that trip and the day I arrived in Dublin, I got a phone call from my sister in Australia who had just got a fax from the publisher in Dublin saying they loved the book and they wanted to offer me a 3 book deal.

Q What was your reaction to the news?

A: It was heaven. I made a really really high pitched sound that only the dogs in the neighbourhood could hear. It was fantastic. That feeling that I was on the verge of something, taking a new direction in my life.

Q How do you classify your books – romantic comedies?

A: I guess in terms of publishing, that’s what they are. They’re about relationships I think. The more I write the more confidence I’ll get about extending it out into lots and lots of other relationships, in the way Maeve Binchy does too. I think she’s fantastic. The feeling you get when you read her books is that you’ve been immersed in this lovely warm bath of words. I’d love to get to that stage with my writing.

Q Do you write a set number of hours a day?

A: If it’s going well I’m there at 8 in the morning and I work all the day through. Have tea with my husband when he comes home and perhaps go back again. If it’s not going well I’m like a soppy child at a school desk. I sit there. Actually if it’s not working I start washing towels. If John comes home from work and the clothes-line is full of towels he knows I’ve had a really bad day at work. I think it’s something I do to get my thoughts going.

Q How many drafts do you do?

A: Heaps. I don’t print them all out. I work on them over and over again. I work on a computer – I type straight onto the screen, I don’t keep a note-book. I do it as one big document, I don’t put it into chapters. I probably do about 5 or 6 drafts before I send it to the publisher. Then it goes through a few more drafts.

Q Do you choose your titles first?

A: Yes, I have with both of them and I’ve been allowed to keep them, which is great because often titles are changed.

Q Your new book, Upside Down Inside Out, is a story of near misses in many ways?

A It is.

Q Do you think it happens a lot in real life?

A: I reckon it does. It’s also about when you’re on holiday, there’s the temptation to be different or more interesting than you are. Neither of the main characters knows that the other one’s pretending. Although the readers know all the way along what’s going on. And I think playing around with that as well, is the question, how much do you reveal to a person when you first meet them? I don’t think you do reveal much. And you pick out the nuggets, don’t you – the nice bits about yourself?

You can’t rely on coincidences too much in stories or you stretch the imagination of the readers a bit too much, but in reality, I think it happens a lot – I mean, what about me, in Ireland for all of half an hour, still at the airport when the phone rings and I get the news of the offer from the Irish publisher for my book?

Q Who reads your manuscript first?

A: John, my husband because he’s very well read but he’s also very kind and critical in the right way. Then my sister Maura and then my other two sisters and my mum. They’re the perfect cross section with their ages and they know to say the nice things first and then criticise afterwards.

Q You classify your books as belonging to the romantic comedy genre, where do you think they sit with chic-lit?

A: I think that’s just another name for romantic comedy. They got a bit edgier in Britain, loads more sex in them, loads more shopping and a bit harder edged. I think romantic comedy is more of a warm, funny approach.

Q Your favourite writers?

A: I read everything. I love most Maeve Binchy. I LOVE John Le Carre. I think The Little Drummer Girl is one of the best books. It’s just brilliant on so many levels, from the historical to the thriller. And the tension between the male and the female. I think he’s a master, I read his books in awe. I enjoy Marian Keyes very much. And Tim Winton and Isabel Allende.

Q What do you aspire to achieve as a writer?

A: I keep thinking I want to get to the stage where it’s easy, which is silly, because it’s never going to be easy and I know that from all the authors I escorted around for years. You go through that same process with every book. I hope I can achieve a better understanding of my strengths and what I can pull off as a writer. You find your own voice I suppose.

I would love to be able to write a book a year and have them published and have people read them and enjoy them.

Q What about fame and success?

A: I’d love the freedom of world fame, so that John could give up work. Because I become quite lonely writing. I’ve always worked with lots of people around so it would be nice to have John…I don’t know (laughing) to sit quietly and wait for when I need to talk to him.

Q To make toast and tea?

A: Exactly. But I would love that. And to be able to live six months here and six months in Ireland. That would be the dream.

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Make your own rhino toy

Materials:

50cm x 150cm-wide fabric (we used soft, thin imitation leather); thread; polyester fibre filling; 12mm pair of brown eyes; 50cm ribbon for the neck bow or a bandanna.

Finished size.: Approximately 24cm high and 36cm long.

Method. Enlarge pattern by placing on a photocopier set at 400 per cent; repeat using the copy. Place on fabric, cut out pieces. Mark lines as shown on pattern on wrong sides of fabric. Stitch pieces, right sides together, unless otherwise stated. A seam allowance of 5mm is included. Fold along dotted dart lines on wrong side of underbody and body pieces. Stitch darts and clip fabric at the centre of each dart. The darts in the underbody are very narrow and appear to form creases in the fabric. Stitch body and neck extension to underbody. Begin stitching underbody to body leaving feet open. Start at front seam of one front foot and stitch to point A (the nose). Repeat for the other side.

Stitch front foot pads to feet starting at the heel. Starting from the front of one rear foot, stitch on underbody up to the back of the corresponding front foot. Repeat for the other side, leaving a 6cm opening for stuffing. Stitch rear foot pads to body.

Place two ear pieces together. Stitch along both sides leaving straight edge open; turn right side out. Repeat for other ear. Stitch tail pieces together in same way; turn right side out and stuff lightly. Tack tail in position marked on body, curving tail in towards body. Clip head to make positions for ears, cutting along lines marked on pattern. Fold edges of each ear along dotted lines to make ears curve and stitch to head with the ears facing forward.

Stitch body pieces together along top seam, starting at nose (point A) and ending below tail. Stitch the body pieces together at rear seams, starting at rear heel and ending below tail. Clip seams and turn to right sides.

Stuff the feet. Sew eyes in place in marked positions. Stuff the horn and head. Fill the body cavity firmly. Stitch the underbody opening closed.

Above each eye, handstitch an eyebrow by pulling fabric together tightly and stitching both thicknesses together to form an eyebrow arch. Tie ribbon in a bow around your rhino’s neck or tie on a bandanna.

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Embroidered jeans

Click here for pattern

Materials

DMC stranded cotton in the following colours: 1 skein 553 violet, 2 skeins 704 Bright Chartreuse, I skein 740 Tangerine, 1 skein 3806 Light Cyclamen Pink, 1 skein 3607 Light Plum

Size 24 chenille needle

Tailor’s chalk

Five small butterfly buttons in purple, mauve and orange (ours came from All Buttons Great and Small, Newtown, NSW) Sewing needle (sized to attach butterfly buttons)

Method.

NOTE. All embroidery is stitched using six strands of thread. The butterfly buttons appear only on the leg fronts, with one more placed on the back pocket beside an embroidered daisy.

Trace the design and transfer it to the front and back of the legs of your chosen jeans using tailor’s chalk.

Lazy-daisy stitch all the daisies first, starting from the centre of the leg. Daisy colours are as follows:

Daisy 1. Petals Tangerine, centre French Knot, Light Cyclamen Pink.

Daisy 2. Petals Light Cyclamen Pink, centre French Knot, Violet.

Daisy 3. Petals Light Plum, centre French Knot, Tangerine.

Daisy 4. Petals Violet, centre French Knot, Tangerine.

Daisy 5. Petals Tangerine, centre French Knot, Violet.

Work the stems in stem stitch and the leaves in lazy-daisy stitch using Bright Chartreuse.

Attach the butterfly buttons close to each edge of the front of your jeans using coordinating stranded cotton colours. For the back pocket embroider a single daisy using Light Cyclamen Pink and lazy-daisy stitch for the petals and Bright Chartreuse and stem stitch for the stem and leaves. Then attach a butterfly button close to this flower.

LAZY-DAISY STITCH

  1. Bring needle up at A, insert needle back at A, then bring it out at B, carry thread under and pull needle through.
  1. Bring thread over top of loop, insert needle at C, bring out at D ready to begin next lazy-daisy stitch.
  1. Continue as for steps 1 and 2 to complete flower. To finish, take needle over last loop to back of work.

FRENCH KNOT

  1. Bring needle out at A. Hold thread taut, wrap thread around needle twice.
  1. Pull thread gently to tighten the twists against the needle.
  1. Keeping thread taut, insert needle near point A and pull through while holding thread taut.

STEM STITCH

  1. Work from left to right – bring needle out at A, insert at B and bring out at C (midway between A and B).
  1. Keeping thread below needle, repeat sequence.
  1. For a broader stem, angle the needle as shown.

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The write stuff

Young children love small, inexpensive novelty items that they can buy with their own money – this trio of decorated pencils is just the sort of thing (and they’d also make perfect little prizes in a lucky dip).

To make the Pompom Pencils spread the end of a new pencil with craft glue and wrap a chenille stick (pipe cleaner) up over the end and down around the pencil end in tight coils. Using a glue gun, stick mini-pompoms in place: 25mm for heads and 12mm for ears and muzzles.

Add black seed beads for eyes and a dab of paint or embroidered stitches for tip of nose.

For the elegant Jewelled Pencils, thread two or three small beads and a flower-shaped sequin onto a glue-smeared pearl-headed pin. Cover the tip of a new pencil with craft glue and push the extending part of the beaded pin into the tip until the sequin meets the glue. Stick a little ribbon around the top of the pencil beneath the sequin, to finish.

And the simplest of all – to make the Glitter Pencils (below right), just brush pencils with PVA glue, roll in glitter, shake off excess and allow to dry. Tie several together with metallic organza ribbon, if desired.

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Beaded key rings

For ages. 8 years +

Materials

Small wooden beads

beading wire (available at selected craft outlets and beading stores)

key ring attachment (available at craft stores)

Step 1

Cut a length of beading wire about 20cm long. Using the pliers, form a 1cm wide coil in one end of the wire.

Step 2

Thread 36 beads onto the wire. The coil will stop them falling off the wire as you work.

Step 3

Each butterfly wing is made up of eight beads. Form the first segment of the wire with eight beads into a wing loop, so that four beads are on each side of the loop. Twist the end of the wing loop and the centre wire together a couple of times to secure the wing loop in place.

Step 4

Continue as in Step 3 to create three more loops, twisting the centre wire and wing loops together at the centre. The remaining four beads form the body of the butterfly.

Secure the loop end of the key ring to the excess wire, just above the four beads, by passing the wire through the key ring then twisting the wire to secure it. Cut off the excess wire and then arrange your butterfly wings in the correct positions as the may have moved out of place.

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