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Seeking help for anorexia

This extract is taken from The Australian Women's Weekly health series Eating Disorders book.

This extract is taken from The Australian Women’s Weekly health series Eating Disorders book. People with an eating disorder can spend a lot of time trying to convince themselves that they do not really have a problem and are most certainly not in need of professional help. A significant point in the process of getting over an eating disorder is acknowledging the extent of the problem, becoming committed to making change happen and accepting help from others to ensure the process will be successful. Seeing a Dietitian This is one of the many forms of therapy and support available. Professional dietary assessment, counselling and advice is an essential part of the treatment of eating disorders. If possible, find a dietitian experienced in working with eating disorders as he or she will have a better understanding of the specific difficulties and fears you are likely to be facing. A dietitian can help you establish a healthy eating pattern and stable weight. You should be able to negotiate a weight range that is acceptable while also healthy, and a new eating pattern that can stabilise your weight in that range. In other words, the dietitian is not there to make you fat but to help you eat normally and be able to maintain your weight at a stable level without resorting to obsessional and self-defeating methods of self-control. Even if you consider yourself to be an expert on food you will benefit from seeing a dietitian with specialised knowledge of eating disorders.

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Love begins with an a

Our September Great Read, Love beings With An A is a warm, funny and sassy story about what a woman will do for love. In this remarkably assured debut novel by Melbourne writer, Jeana Vithoulkas, twenty-something lawyer, Fiore, is looking for a man. But not just any man. He must be a good dancer, politically aware, articulate with a serious heart to boot. Fiore can’t find him, so she goes to Greece instead.

Nick was with my sisters and me one cold winter night when we went to see 1900 for the first time. It was freezing in the cinema and we sat huddled together with our coats over us to keep warm. In among the sea of emotions we experienced watching the film, Elendina fell in love with a hat worn by Dominique Sanda. Elendina makes clothes and hats and bags, and would probably make shoes if she had the equipment. She takes her inspiration from movies, and that night, between weeping for the old women being killed by the fascists in the rain and cheering when Donald Sutherland was mauled by the peasants, she lusted after that hat. She sketched it roughly in the interval and made it for me afterwards. She made me others as well, including one inspired by Howards End. The Mary Poppins one, as Nick called it.

I told him I was grateful for his advice but wasn’t sure how interested I was in Bruce. ‘He looks bored in my company and I don’t really know why he’s asked me out,’ I said.

Nick looked at me as if I were mad. ‘Well, give the guy a chance. He might be nervous.’ Nick had complained before that my standards in men were too high, but then he’d tell me not to settle for second best. ‘It might surprise you, Fiore, but not a lot of people feel passionate about the Irish question. Or know much about Ugandan musicians living in Belgium.’

Nick was more excited about my date with Bruce. He told everyone at work. He told his friends. He told his neighbour. He even told one of his clients. For months afterwards, I saw people who would ask me, ‘I heard you were going out with Bruce Stewart. Is it true?’

A good friend who loved me to bits, Nick wanted me to be happy. He was always on the lookout for a decent man who might be of interest to me. But given that he was gay he didn’t run into a lot of straight men socially. And when he did, they weren’t always too sure they were straight. He gave me advice, often contradictory, about how to have better success with men.

‘The thing is, Fiore, you intimidate a lot of men. I’ve seen them trying to impress you with something, and if you’re not interested you look bored. Or worse, you get up and leave. Not exactly encouraging. Men have fragile egos.’

‘Why should I act interested in something if I’m not? It’ll just give the wrong impression.’

My boss Victoria was a woman who never gave any man the wrong impression by looking interested. Although she had a man, you’d be forgiven for thinking she could easily have done without. She made it clear she preferred women to men and never missed an opportunity to point out the latter’s inadequacies. Men were a necessary but often irritating fact of life. It was hard to disagree with her, but I marvelled at how she never let her feelings interfere in her unwavering mission to fight sexual inequality wherever she found it. She was a professional woman with very firm views about the salvation of the female sex through work, and she did her best to promote young women who were prepared to put in the hard yards.

‘He looks like a drugged-out boy who hasn’t washed for a week,’ Victoria said when Nick showed her a photo of Bruce in a music magazine. She shook her head in disapproval. She never seemed to be moved by men physically. It just never figured in her approach to them. They didn’t have that sort of power over her at all. I understood it, but thought it rather strange.

‘Don’t you find any man attractive, Vic?’ I asked.

‘Why should I be attracted to a member of the sex that starts wars, rapes women, kills their wives and destroys the planet?’

‘Well, I’ll just go and organise my sex change,’ Nick said sarcastically.

‘Haven’t you ever felt something that you can’t control?’ I asked her. ‘You know, looked across a room and seen someone and your knees weaken –‘ This was the wrong word to use with Victoria.

‘No,’ she said firmly.

In a way I envied her and wished I could be more like her. I could have avoided a lot of dramas in my life and saved my tears for worthier causes.

‘Don’t you ever just crave sex?’ Nick asked.

‘Well, my sexual urges do no translate into a quest for power over everything. And I think all this business about the natural rampant sexuality of men is total crap, a convenient excuse for their obsession with their dicks. For heaven’s sake, why can’t they learn to deal with their infantile urges in a mature way?’

Victorias was absolutely right, but when I fall in love I find it very hard to remember all the terrible things men have done to the world. Perhaps that’s the point. Love makes you weak, blurs your judgement, and is an unreliable indicator of a good relationship. Mihalis was the first man I fell in love with – he was handsome and political and could sing with a voice that made me want to cut my heart out and give it to him on a plate. And he turned out to be a womaniser. Definitely not relationship material. Victoria, despite her intense feminism, shared my parents’ belief that people should be partnered according to the compatibility of their family, education and cultural values; a system where romantic love is not a priority. This might sound like a logical way to organise your life, but in the meantime, what do you do with your heart?

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September 2003 book reviews

The Romantic, by Barbara Gowdy

Flamingo, $27.95.

A sad but beautiful story by an intoxicating writer. The heroine is lonely 10-year-old Louise, who fantasises about having another family after the loss of her mother. Louise falls in love with her neighbour, an exotic Mrs Richter, then finds herself drawn to her brilliant son, Abel. But her first love in all its glorious intensity is doomed when Louise is unable to rescue Abel from his self-destructive tendencies.

Remember Me, by Lesley Pearse

Michael Joseph, $19.95.

Based on the true story of a convict with the First Fleet, in which the appallingly brutal conditions of the prison hulks and the ships that brought the early settlers are re-created. The central character, Mary Broad, is a survivor and her trials as well as friendships forged during life in early Sydney and during her daring and dangerous escape are an ode to the determination of the human spirit over insurmountable odds.

The Alphabet of Light and Dark, by Danielle Wood,

Allen & Unwin, $21.95.

Essie discovers significant items in a sea chest: a small coin in an oyster, a carved coconut and a picture of a little girl leaning against a dinghy. Recalling her lighthouse-keeper grandfather’s tales, she returns to Bruny Island, explores the past, writes the story of her great Aunt Alva and renews a friendship with a sculptor. A lyrical debut novel by a talented Australian who won the Vogel Award with this book.

Lorelei’s Secret, by Carolyn Parkhurst,

Sceptre, $29.95.

Paul has to come to terms with the death of his wife, Lexy, who fell from the top of an apple tree. There were no witnesses other than her dog, Lorelei. Paul feels there is more behind the accident and there are some unusual hints that he might be right. This is not a murder mystery, but more a love story of the couple’s meeting and recollected life with all its highs and lows. A beautifully written tale in which the part played by the loyal Lorelei is logical, loving and gratifyingly unsentimental.

Bare Bones, by Kathy Reichs,

Random House, $45.

A surfeit of body bones is putting paid to Temperance Brennan’s longed-for holiday during an overly hot North Carolina summer. The links between a dead baby, a plane crash and its mystery load, and a cache of human and animal bones in a remote farmhouse are woven into a deadly threat, not only to the forensic scientist, but to those whom she loves most. A train of heart-stopping twists and turns, prove once again that Reichs is a masterly suspense writer.

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Postcard from byron bay 2003

The 2003 Byron Bay Writers Festival was another fabulous success with a record crowd of 20,000 plus, converging on the wildly beautiful North Coast town.

Bar the arctic freeze which gripped opening night festivities, visitors lapped up a mid-winter dose of Byron’s blazing blue skies and warm sun. A few people went for a swim. Whales were spotted. Gossip and passion – as in lively discussion and debate – flowed as freely as the white wine. And former PM Malcolm Fraser and his wife Tammy, who were guests of the festival, stayed on afterwards to enjoy the local golf courses.

The Australian Women’s Weekly was a major sponsor of the Byron Bay Writers Festival for the third year in a row and launched The Australian Women’s Weekly/Dilmah Short Story Contest at the opening night dinner (for more information see a special section in another part of The AWW Book Club).

There were bucket-loads of famous writers: playwright David Williamson and his wife Kristin, Peter Singer, Norma Khouri, Peter FitzSimons, Susan Mitchell, Garry Disher, Hanifa Deen, Sarah MacDonald, David Leser, Martin Flanagan, Thea Astley, Tim Flannery, Paul Jennings, Christopher Kremmer, Mungo MacCallum and Di Morrissey, among them.

For those who couldn’t make it to Byron Bay, here are a few snippets:

  • The audience was stunned to hear Norma Khouri (Forbidden Love) reveal that a fatwa has been taken out on her by the Jordanian government.

  • Di Morrissey, in a session about Broome as an inspiration for writers, told how one of her first connections with the WA coastal town was when she came across a strand of lustrous Broome pearls in a shop. Di asked the assistant how many books she’d have to sell to buy them, who replied: “Four hundred … thousand.”

  • Seen at Di Morrissey’s Friday night cocktail party, Tammy Fraser whistling softly for Malcolm to follow her through a crowd.

  • Who was the Melbourne writer who went for a skinny dip, only to come out of the water to find his clothes ‘stolen’ by a practical joker?

  • In the session titled Biography: Other People’s Lives, Peter FitzSimons and Susan Mitchell swapped notes about the perils of writing about “very high profile people” with “high self-esteem.” Peter admitted that such was her displeasure with the finished book, one of his subjects hadn’t turned up at the book launch. Susan topped that by admitting she hadn’t even been invited to the launch of a book she had written about a famous person.

  • David Williamson on working with Madonna on his play Up For Grabs, in London: “She’s interesting, intelligent and very forceful. She likes to get her own way. Madonna hasn’t got to where she is by being a wilting flower. We had some tussles … and I lost them.”

  • David Williamson to his wife Kristin, as he was getting dressed to take part in a session titled Approaching The Big Issues with an Inquiring Mind? “What does someone with big ideas wear?”

  • Susan Mitchell revealed that she is writing a book about the Snowtown murders, in a similar style to Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil.

  • Malcolm Fraser, quoting his famous quote in full: “Life wasn’t meant to be easy, but take courage child, it can be delightful.” Mathuselah.

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Pongy garbage bins

Prevent horrible smells in your bins by sprinkling 1/4 cup each of borax (a natural mineral found in the laundry aisle) and bicarbonate of soda into the bottom of the empty...
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Fighting colds

Staying active each day can keep a cold at bay.

Staying active each day can keep a cold at bay. A recent study from the University of South Carolina confirms what we already know – that exercise keeps you fit and helps prevent chronic disease. However, it has also shown something new: that exercise cuts your chances of coming down with the common cold. Researchers monitored the activity levels of over 250 women aged 40 to 50, for a year, and found that those who exercised moderately (which included everyday activities such as mopping floors, raking leaves and walking) for 60 to 90 minutes a day had a 25 per cent lower risk of catching a cold.

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Get involved

Getting involved is good for your health.

Getting involved is good for your health.

Group activism – whether it’s taking part in an anti-war protest, lobbying the local council for speed signs near schools, or taking part in a fund-raising walk – can make you healthier. Psychologists at the University of Sussex found that people who took part in protests and demonstrations felt more positive about life than they did before they picked up their signs and went marching. Having a positive outlook means you’re also more likely to have a strong immune system.

YOUR SAY: How are you getting involved? Tell us below!

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Spice your food right

Enjoy the spice of life with healthy herbs.

Enjoy the spice of life with healthy herbs. According to a new study from the University of Nebraska, herbs not only improve the taste of your food, but can also help fight the free radicals that age you. Excellent choices include basil, cayenne, oregano, rosemary, sage and ginger. All contain high percentages of polyphenols, substances which help reduce cell damage that increases your risk of cancer and heart disease. Both fresh and dried herbs offer the benefits of polyphenols. Always store dried herbs in sealed jars in a cool, dark place to maintain the nutritional content. Exposure to heat, light and air all reduce their antioxidant power as well as their flavour.

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Q&a: Jeana Vithoulas

Here is the full transcript of our interview with Jeana Vithoulas, author of the September Great Read, Love Begins with an A.

**Q You’ve done a lot of jobs, worked as a union official, an interpreter, university tutor – were you always going to be a writer?

A** Yes, I was always going to write and was always trying to get around to it, but it took me a long time.

The union movement is a great environment and exciting and interesting, but it does take up all your time. I used to think about writing a lot, but I didn’t have the time. Then it came to the point where I had to think about whether I wanted to write seriously, or have a career in the labour movement. And I decided I was going to be a writer.

**Q. What unions did you work with?

A.** The Builders Labour Federation in WA, the Electrical Trades in Victoria and the Liquor Hotel and Miscellaneous Union, as an organiser and campaign worker in that order for seven years.

**Q. What led you to unionism?

A.** I always believed in spending my life doing something to improve the lot of people who have less chances or opportunities in life. I kind of shifted into the labour movement because I was outspoken and was always sticking up for people.

**Q. What in your background made you like that?

A.** My family. My mum and dad came out to Australia and worked in factories like a lot of migrants in the 1950s. Then my mother had her own business making clothes. They live in Greece now and have their own shop over there. My dad always taught us to stick up for the underdog.

**Q. You set the book on the Greek island of Zakynthos – is it mythical or does it exist?

A.** Yes, it is real, it’s in the Ionian group of islands.

**Q. And that’s where your parents come from?

A.** Yes and they’ve gone back to live there.

The second largest number of Australians living overseas are in Greece. Greeks do this more than Italians. There’s lots of reasons why this happens. It’s much easier to go back to Greece and live in many ways – people who’ve left Italy to come to Australia say, ‘what have we got to back to?’ But Greece has done very well. For instance, my mother has gone back and is running a shop there, making clothes. The same is true of Ireland, because that’s done so well economically, many Irish people have gone back there to live. The most important thing is of course is that you are able to speak the language.

**Q. What business did your parents run in Australia?

A.** Milk bar, butcher’s shop and a travel agency.

**Q. What does your father do in Greece?

A.** He’s retired, Mum’s a bit of a workaholic. It’s really my sister’s shop, she runs it, but Mum helps her.

**Q. Where were you raised in Melbourne?

A.** In Flemington and Essendon.

**Q. How many children in the family?

A.** Four girls. Everyone says they can see where I got a lot of my material for the book, but the truth is I also have 25 first cousins – only five of them are men. A lot of the stuff in the book comes from my cousins, who are like sisters anyway.

**Q. When did you start writing?

A.** Back in primary school. I used to write stories and send them into competitions. I had a short story published in an anthology in 1994. In 1998, I decided I was going to write this book. That’s how it all started. So I got creative and had a baby. But with all the interruptions I still persisted – I suppose overall it took me about three to four years to write Love Begins With An A.

**Q. How did you get published?

A.** I was a bit naïve. At first I sent the whole thing to publishers and agents, and then somebody said just send the first 50 pages – they were sent back with comments that they didn’t feel it was ready. But by then I had done another draft and sent the first 50 pages to Penguin. Everything was drawn out after that – it went through different stages before eventually it was accepted. Obviously, I was excited when they finally offered me a contract, but it didn’t all happen at once.

**Q. What did you set out to write about with your book Love Begins With An A?

A.** I was in my late 20s and 30s, and single and so were a lot of my friends. There were all these stories in the papers about these women who didn’t want to get married. That wasn’t true of me or any of the friends I knew. In these stories women just wanted careers and didn’t care about meeting a man. They were happy go to the gym and wanted this lifestyle thing. I didn’t know who they were talking about. The women I knew who got to this age really wanted to meet somebody and think about a serious relationship. In fact, we would talk about the ridiculous lengths to which we’d go, the things we would put up with in order to have a relationship. I thought I’d like to write a book about this, from the perspective and the lengths that some women go to for love.

I know two young women at the moment who have moved overseas to be with men they met while they were on an earlier trip. That’s a really big decision to make. One particular girl I know, she thinks if she doesn’t give it a go, she’ll be kicking herself that she didn’t go and find out. I know a lot of girls who go overseas for love.

The other thing, too, is that a lot of the action in the novel was based on a trip I took to Greece in 1992. So it was that backdrop that inspired me to write it. Greece is so full of life, everything always happens there – it’s exciting and chaotic, a great place to inspire you.

**Q. How old are you and are you married?

A.** I’m 40, married to a guy who’s wonderful. We have a three-year-old-son.

**Q. What does your husband do for a living?

A.** He’s a union official.

**Q. How old is your son and what is his name?

A.** Alessandro and he’s three years old.

**Q. What other job do you do outside of writing?

A.** I work for the public service in the environmental area.

**Q. Who are the two people you’ve dedicated your book to?

A.** My grandmothers. At different times they brought me up. They loved stories and they were great story-tellers. They gave me a love of stories. My mum’s mother couldn’t read and write, but there was this oral tradition. They used to act out all the parts.

**Q. I loved the grandmother in your book.

A.** Yes, there are a lot of stereotypes about migrant women – both my grandmothers were very dynamic women.

**Q. Where were you educated?

A.** Lowther Hall, an Anglican school, and then at Melbourne University, where I did an Arts Honours degree.

**Q. How did you go from there to working in unions?

A.** I had no idea what job I wanted at the end of uni. I only knew I didn’t want to teach. When I finished my degree, I was working as an interpreter and that put me into all sorts of situations, dealing with legal issues and union issues. That’s how I came into contact with unions and union officials. I started off as a recruiter and I did a good job, I recruited 200 people in three months. I did that for a year.

**Q. You also work as a lecturer at the moment. What in?

A.** Modern Greek.

**Q. How do you find the time to write with a toddler and all the other work you do?

A.** Usually I get up in the morning and write, around 5am. And I write on the weekends. I don’t have any other time.

**Q. Who read your manuscript first?

A.** Christos Tsiolkas, who wrote Head-on. He is much more gifted than me. His writing is very challenging. We’ve known each other since university and we meet regularly and talk about our work. He’s the only one who’s read the whole thing. Writing is a very solitary thing, you spend many hours at the computer trying to motivate yourself. One of the things I found helpful was having Chris. I’d knew I’d be meeting him and had to have something done to share with him.

**Q. Where do you do most of your writing?

A.** I have a home office in a room that looks onto the back garden. I also use a lap-top, sometimes in the lounge-room.

**Q. How long have you been married?

A.** Four years.

**Q. Where do you live?

A.** North of Melbourne.

**Q. I was interested to see that a part of your book homes in on the deep suspicion and hostility with which many locals treat the new migrants flooding into Greece looking for work?

A.** Yes, there are hordes of Eastern Europeans going looking for jobs and it’s an issue. It’s ironic that my parents left Greece looking for work and opportunity in Australia, and now it’s the place where others go looking for the same thing.

**Q. I liked your book because of all the layers in it?

A.** Thanks. It’s a love story with lots of other things in it – politics and adventures.

**Q. I thought the arguments between the sisters in Love begins With An A, were very life-like.

A.** Yes, that was one of the other things this book was about – the order you come in the family. And what it’s like to be the first child. Always worrying about the others, as well as competing with them. Your parents always end up relying on you. A friend of mine’s parents are living in Greece. They still ring her and ask her what such and such is about or what this form or letter means? The first child takes on that parental role with her siblings. Even if her life is a mess, she’s still expected to be able to sort everything out.

**Q. Do you intend to write more books?

A.** Yes! I’d love to keep writing. I hope this book does well and that I can get another published.

**Q. If I said Jeana love … how would you finish it?

A.** Eating, cooking, reading, listening to music.

**Q. Favourite authors?

A.** Jeannette Winterson, E.L. Doctorow, Xavier Herbert, Hanif Kureishi, the Brontes, Colm Toibin.

**Q. If you live in Melbourne, I assume you follow an AFL team?

A.** Collingwood.

**Q. If I said Jeana believes … how would you finish it?

A.** That when it comes to inequity, it’s up to all of us to redress it. That is at the core of what I believe. And that families need more support.

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Touch and feel playmat

We present a range of gorgeous handmade gifts to make for baby -from a cute knitted hat with pompom trim to a wrist rattle (designed to amuse a little one the go) and a fabulous playmat.

Materials 2.3m x 90cm wide felt (purple)

1.2m x 90cm wide thin wadding

15 x 90cm lengths of ribbon or ric-rac braid in various colours and widths

Fabric scraps of fake fur, felt, cotton, corduroy and suede fabrics (or your own scraps)

Lace motifs

Matching and contrasting threads

Non-toxic fabric glue

Finished size: 15cm x 85cm

Method Prepare appliques:

(Use the colours desired, we have listed our colours to assist you with assembly.)

Cut three 7cm x 4.5cm rectangles of cotton and stitch them in the centre of three 14cm diameter circles of pink felt. Take two of the circles and stitch them onto two 25cm squares of fur fabric. Cut three 9cm diameter orange felt circles and stitch lace motifs on two pieces and a 6cm x 5cm suede rectangle on the other. Cut two 15cm squares of yellow felt and two 15cm squares of orange felt (cut these squares in half to form four triangles).

Cut three plain and or patterned fabric 10cm diameter circles and stitch them in the centre of three 15cm squares of green felt.

Assembling the mat:

Cut two 117cm x 78cm rectangles of purple felt. Cut a piece of wadding the same size.

Place your appliques on the top of one of the pieces of purple felt and arrange them following our photograph or as desired. (Allow room for placing lengths of ribbons and braids between each line of appliques). Stitch them in place then stitch on the ribbon and braid trims.

Place the wadding on the top of the appliques, then place the remaining rectangle of purple felt on top. Pin then stitch around the edge leaving a 10cm opening in one side. Trim and clip your seams, cutting into the corners. Turn your mat out to the right side and slipstitch the opening closed.

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