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Family lies

My grandmother on my mother’s side passed away before I was born, so I never had the privilege of meeting her. She died after a long battle with cancer and my mother and her siblings were devastated by her death.

Just six months later, my grandfather remarried. The woman he married was a lot younger and the family was shocked by how soon he moved on, but they tried hard to be supportive.

His new wife, Cathy, had a child from a previous marriage, a young girl named Lucy. When Lucy was five, Cathy and my grandfather had a child of their own, Sarah.

Throughout Sarah’s life, Cathy and my grandfather decided that they would tell her that Lucy had the same father, even though this was a lie. They lied about their wedding anniversaries to keep up the pretence and even asked Lucy to vow to keep the fact that she and Sarah were only half-sisters secret.

They wanted so much to uphold the ideal of the perfect family, but they were tearing the family apart instead. My mother and her siblings began to distrust their father and resent Cathy.

At a family gathering several years later, I made a frustrated remark to my brother about the tension and sense of secrecy that came from the lies and deception within the family. Sarah overheard my comments and demanded to know what I was talking about. Upset by the situation, I blurted out that it was something she needed to ask her parents about.

Sarah confronted her parents and they told her the truth about their family. The unnecessary lie tore them apart and she still struggles to understand why they insisted on deceiving her for no apparent reason.

Sarah now has a beautiful four-year-old son and is trying to mend her relationship with Lucy. However, she hasn’t seen her parents since that day. The lies most certainly weren’t worth it.

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Cushion cover

MEASUREMENTS To fit cushion insert: 36 x 36cm MATERIALS Panda Woolbale 8 ply (50g balls) Quantity 5 One pair of 3.75mm knitting needles or...

MEASUREMENTS To fit cushion insert: 36 x 36cm MATERIALS Panda Woolbale 8 ply (50g balls) Quantity 5 One pair of 3.75mm knitting needles or THE REQUIRED SIZE TO GIVE CORRECT TENSION; 36 x 36 cm cushion insert; knitter’s needle for sewing seams. TENSION This handknit has been designed at a tension of 24 sts and 32 rows to 10cm over patt (slightly stretched), using 3.75mm needles. ABBREVIATIONS cm=centimetres; K=knit; P=purl; patt=pattern; rem=remain/ing; rep=repeat; st/s=stitch/es. SIDE ONE Using 3.75mm needles, cast on 86 sts. Beg Patt: 1st Row: K13, P12, K12, rep from to last st, K1. 2nd Row: P13, K12, P12, rep from to last st, P1. Rep last 2 rows 7 times. 17th Row: As 2nd row. 18th Row: As 1st row. Rep last 2 rows 7 times. Last 32 rows form patt. Work a further 80 rows patt. Cast off. SIDE TWO Using 3.75mm needles, cast on 86 sts. Beg Patt: 1st Row: P13, K12, P12, rep from to last st, P1. 2nd Row: K13, P12, K12, rep from to last st, K1. Rep last 2 rows 7 times. 17th Row: As 2nd row. 18th Row: As 1st row. Rep last 2 rows 7 times. Last 32 rows form patt. Work a further 80 rows patt. Cast off. TO MAKE UP Join 3 edges. Insert cushion. Join rem edge. If desired, make a tassel and attach to centre as illustrated. Designs and images provided by Panda Yarns www.pandayarns.biz

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Crochet shopping bag

An environmentally friendly crochet shopping bag Crochet Shopping Bag - worked in trebles

Download the pattern for the environmentally friendly crochet shopping bag Crochet Shopping Bag – worked in trebles MEASUREMENTS Bag (incl handles, before make up) measures 46 x 46cm Note: Wash bag in hot water after finishing to achieve these measurements – bag will measure approx 49 x 46cm before washing. MATERIALS Twilleys Lyscot (2 x 100g balls) One 4.00mm crochet hook or THE REQUIRED SIZE TO GIVE CORRECT TENSION; knitter’s needle for sewing in ends. TENSION This bag has been designed at a tension of 18tr and 10 rows to 10cm over treble fabric, using 4.00mm hook and double yarn, before washing. ABBREVIATIONS beg=begin/ning; ch=chain; cm=centimetres; cont=continue; dc=double crochet; lp/s=loop/s; rep=repeat; sl st=slip st; st/s=stitch/es; tog=together; tr=treble; yoh=yarn over hook. ‘Dec’=(yoh, draw up a lp in next st, yoh and draw through 2 lps on hook) twice, yoh and draw through all 3 lps on hook. BAG (worked in one piece) NOTE: Count 3ch at beg of rounds as 1tr throughout. Using 4.00mm hook and double yarn, loosely make 176 ch, join with a sl st in first ch to form a circle. 1st Round: 3ch, 1tr in each ch to end, sl st in 3rd ch at beg … 176tr. 2nd Round: 3ch, 1tr in each tr to end, sl st in 3rd ch at beg. Rep last round until work measures 32cm from beg. Divide for Handles: 1st Row: 2ch, 1tr in each of next 18tr, ‘Dec’, turn. 2nd Row: (1dc, 1ch) in first st, 1tr in each of next 18 sts. Cont on these 19 sts for handle. Rep last row 13 times. Fasten off. Miss next 37tr and join yarn with sl st in next st. Rep from to . Miss next 9tr and join yarn with a sl st in next st. Rep from to . Miss next 37tr and join yarn with a sl st in next st. Rep from to . TO MAKE UP With wrong sides tog, fold each handle in half lengthways, continuing fold to lower edge of bag; with right sides tog, bring folds tog at side of bag (see diagram). Using 4.00mm hook and working through all 4 thicknesses, join top of handles tog by working 1 row dc across folded handles. Fasten off. Using 4.00mm hook and working through all thicknesses, work 1 row dc across lower edge of bag. Fasten off. Designs and images provided by Panda Yarns www.pandayarns.biz

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Three ways to get instant calm

Taking a brief time out, even during the most frantic day works wonders, calming your thoughts so you feel more grounded and capable.

Taking a brief time out, even during the most frantic day works wonders, calming your thoughts so you feel more grounded and capable. Try one of these easy meditations the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed. Remember, your mind is like a puppy – it can be trained! None of these techniques require special equipment, money, or even a lot of time; they are all easy habits to learn. It’s important to practise consistently – you’ll receive the greatest benefits if you meditate daily. 1. Three deep breaths Inhale through your nose, and then out through your nose. Inhale again, a little deeper this time – then exhale. The third time, inhale even more slowly and deeply, focusing on the way your lungs feel as they fill with air – then exhale. If you begin to think of other things, bring your attention back to your breath. Repeat this technique at the beginning of every hour or use memory joggers – like going to the toilet or stopping at a red light – to remind you to breathe consciously. 2. Walk away If you’re feeling agitated, nothing beats a 15-minute walking meditation – go round the block, take the dog to the park, or just walk up and down the corridor at work. Begin by walking at a brisk pace; after five minutes, slow your speed by half, then after a further five minutes, slow to a steady, purposeful walk. Think of your feet and your steps all the time, bringing your attention back to your deliberate movements if your thoughts wander. 3. Create a tranquil moment This technique is ideal for women who ‘think too much’ or have an overactive brain and a too-vivid imagination. The idea is to train your brain to visualise peaceful, restorative images and thoughts, rather than the usual helter-skelter of fragrances, sounds, lists and physical sensations that beset you. First sit quietly, close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Recall a special moment when you felt absolutely at peace, e.g. listening to a brilliant piece of music, climbing up to a lookout. Use all your senses to visualise that moment and hold it in your mind, lovingly noticing every detail. Keep coming back to the image if your mind wanders. After a minute or two, let it fade until the next time you need it.

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Losing a beloved pet

Question:

Little over a month ago, my dog of 16 years was put down due to suspected liver cancer. It is the first pet that I can remember leaving us. Although time heals all pain and I am getting over it quickly, it still hurts me to think she won’t be sleeping on the beanbag anymore or that I won’t come through the door to see her at the top of the stairs.

I am not allowed to get another dog as I am still living at home. What do you suggest I do to help me get over her passing and move on?

Jessica, via e-mail.

Answer:

Jessica,

It is a terribly sad time when you have to say goodbye to a beloved pet, as they’re such a big part of the family. You need to look at photos and remember all the wonderful times you had with her, and what love she gave you. Take solace in the fact that you made the decision in her best interest and she led a long and happy life.

Time will help heal the pain, but you will never forget her, or replace her. Maybe you could consider getting a different sort of pet, if your parents allow you to, or you could volunteer at a dog rescue shelter to walk and care for those doggies that don’t yet have loving owners.

When I had to put my 15-year-old family dog, Jessie, to sleep earlier in the year, I had lots of lovely letters from readers offering their support and sympathy. These pet bereavement websites might also help …

www.doggyheaven.com.au

www.petloss.com

www.members.optusnet.com.au/~bundlebliss/

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Food thieves

Question:

If your dog keeps stealing the kids’ food while they’re eating, leave out a sandwich laced with a bit of curry. The dog won’t get hurt, but will learn that human food isn’t nice.

Answer:

It worked wonders on my golden retriever and it is nice to be able to enjoy meals without her “sad dog” eyes begging for food.

Janette Coates, via e-mail.

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Cats and collars

Question:

My six-month-old kitten Lucy absolutely refuses to wear a collar. Every time we put one on her, she goes absolutely mental, running around and acting bananas.

I’ve not been brave enough to let her outside yet, as I don’t want to let her out without a collar. I’m also not sure how to go about letting her outside without her running off. Can you help?

Meri-ann

Answer:

Meri-Ann,

I can totally relate to this experience, both of my cats reacted in a similar way when I first put collars on them. Don’t worry, they do get used to it, it just takes a bit of practice and pussycat psychology…

Start by making the collar a bit bigger so you can quickly slip it over her head and only leave it on for a few minutes so she can get used to the feeling of it. Start playing a game or feeding her straight away so she is distracted. Next time, leave it on a bit longer and keep repeating this until she doesn’t react.

You can then adjust the collar to the right size — not so loose that she can get it off, not so tight that it strangles her: you should be able to get a few fingers underneath it. Cat collars also have an elasticised section, so if it’s caught on something, it has enough give that your cat can wriggle free. You’ll have to expect to lose a collar occasionally. My neighbours used to find Scooter’s and put it in my letterbox!

It is important your kitten wears a collar with an ID tag, with her name, your contact number (preferably a mobile you have with you all the time) and your vet’s number on the back in case of emergencies. A bell is also a good idea to protect wildlife.

On the subject of going out, let her out for short periods when you are out with her to supervise and gradually she can stay out longer once she gets to know her territory (so she doesn’t get lost). Start by only letting her out when she’s hungry, so she doesn’t wander far and will come when called for dinner.

Always reward her with food and praise when she comes when you call her name. This teaches her it’s worthwhile returning home! She might get into a few scraps while trying to get her own piece of territory, so listen out for cat noises and call her in before dark. Cats fight more at night.

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I told my sister’s boyfriend about her affair

My sister and I are two years apart in age so we have always had the same group of friends. When she was 18 she started seeing my boyfriend’s best friend and we spent even more time together.

My sister and her boyfriend, Will, had been together for about six years when she confided in me that she had met a guy at work and that they had heaps in common. My sister and her boyfriend had met before she went to uni and both of them had since grown into pretty different people — Will was a labourer and she was now a journalist.

One night my sister, her boyfriend and my boyfriend and I went to a really nice restaurant together. My sister was really dressed up and had a new haircut that made her look great. I had recently put on a bit of weight and was feeling very frumpy that night. It didn’t help that my boyfriend kept sneaking admiring glances at my sister, and that Will couldn’t stop saying how beautiful she looked.

About a week later I saw my sister again and she told me that she had started having an affair with Sam, the guy from her work. She was upset because Sam wanted her to break up with Will, and Will had just asked her to marry him. She spent the next few hours telling me that Will had been her best friend since she was young, and that no one knew her better, but that Sam understood her in a way that Will never would.

When I went home that night, my boyfriend and I had a silly argument. In the middle of the argument he said it would be nice if I put more effort into my appearance — like my sister did. He said that maybe I could look at least half as nice as her if I tried. I went to sleep that night very upset and unsure of myself.

Will and I ran into each other the next day and decided to eat lunch together. Over lunch, Will told me he was worried that my sister hadn’t answered his marriage proposal yet. He said that she was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he would be devastated if she said no. He talked about how beautiful she was … and that was the final straw for me. I blurted out that everyone thought she was so perfect, but that she was running around with another guy behind his back.

That night my sister rang in tears — Will had left her. He’d said that he didn’t want to talk to her again, and it was clear from her confusion that he hadn’t even told her why he was moving out. My sister just assumed he must have seen her with Sam somewhere.

A year later, I ran into Will. He was engaged to a girl he had met not long after he left my sister. He said he was happier and that he had more in common with his new fiancée — he had always felt like my sister looked down on him a bit.

In a way, my jealous outburst had helped all of them. My sister and Sam were married six months after Will broke up with her, and Will was clearly happy with his new love. But I wish I hadn’t let my own insecurities get the better of me. I know my sister would never forgive me if she ever found out that I spilled her secret.

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Holiday care for your fish

Holiday care for your fish

Are you wondering what to do about your pet fish when you go away on holiday? If you’re only going to be away from home a few days, don’t worry about having someone feed your fish. Healthy fish can easily go a week without food.

You can buy fish feeders, which gradually dissolve to release food, but using these might upset the PH in your tank. If you’re going to be away for more than a week, it’s best to have someone feed your fish. Ask a neighbour or friend who’s willing to go to your house every few days to do so.

A good way to prevent someone over-feeding your fish while you’re away is to put enough fish food for one day in a small package such as an envelope. Make up enough of these packages to last the time you’re away.

Your fish don’t have to be fed every day, and shouldn’t be given more than one day’s food at a time — even if they haven’t been fed for a few days. Make sure the person feeding your fish knows not to make up for days they may have missed by giving your fish extra food.

If the water in your tank evaporates quickly, you might have to arrange for your tank to be topped up with fresh water. Explain to your good Samaritan that the water should be at room temperature and free of fluoride.

It’s best not to add any new fish to your tank in the month before you go on holidays — the new fish could introduce disease that takes some time to develop.

Clean your tank and filter, and change the water like you would normally, the week before you go on holidays.

Lastly, you might like to give the person who is looking after your fish the number of a pet store or aquarium that they can call if they need to. This will also put their mind at rest if they’re nervous about their fish responsibilities.

For more great pet info, visit www.petnet.com.au

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Fergie: single, rich, thin

The Duchess is posing. She's looking glamorous in tight black pants and a billowing white blouse, and she seems to know exactly what the camera wants, here in this New York City photo studio.

Read our exclusive interview with Fergie in the August issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly The Duchess is posing. She’s looking glamorous in tight black pants and a billowing white blouse, and she seems to know exactly what the camera wants, here in this New York City photo studio. After each click of the camera, Sarah Ferguson assumes a new expression: an innocent smile, a naughty smirk, a demure gaze. A floor fan blows her signature red hair, someone turns the music up and soon she’s dancing happily to Shake Your Booty. “I have so much to tell you!” she says, breathless between wardrobe changes. “You won’t believe it!” Waiting for our chance to sit down and chat, I wonder what her big news could be. Maybe it’s about one of her charities, Children in Crisis, which she founded in 1993, or the US-based Chances for Children. Through her Little Red (heroine of her latest book) dolls, profits from which go to needy children, and her other charities, the Duchess has raised millions for needy children throughout the world. Yet, from her buoyant mood, I suspect her news is more personal. Divorced since 1996 from Prince Andrew – the man she calls her best friend – maybe she has a new love. I wonder if her daughters, Princess Beatrice, 15, and Princess Eugenie, 14, are in on this. Sarah Ferguson may be 44, but today she is so full of excitement she could pass for a teenager herself. Read our exclusive interview with Fergie in the August issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly and find out about her plan for a new chapter of her life and why she feels she is still a work in progress.

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