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February 11, 2005

Wedding jitters

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Five years ago I met a wonderful man who literally swept me off my feet, and in a matter of months we were engaged to be married. It was the most wonderful and busy time of my life. Every waking moment was spent organising the wedding, which was going to be a large “event” with many interstate and international guests.

Finally the night before the wedding, my fiancé and I had our final goodbye kiss and he headed off to stay with his family and I went to stay the night with my best friend and matron of honor, Kate.

Looking back I was extremely tired and full of nervous energy about the next day’s celebrations. Kate and I shared two bottles of champagne which helped me unwind and relax. We chatted about all our old escapades, broken relationships and the wonderful times we’d shared in the past.

As we were nearing the end of the second bottle, and both starting to feel the affects of the alcohol, Kate began to weep. I immediately went to her and comforted her, while asking what was wrong.

Through her muffled tears, Kate explained she’d always had a secret crush on me. Even though we both had boyfriends in the past, her heart always belonged to me. She looked at me with so much pain in her eyes, my heart sank.

Without any thought, we shared a passionate lingering kiss. I’ve never felt such emotion and longing from a kiss. Our loving kissing continued for several minutes until the realisation of what was actually happening dawned on me.

I was getting married the next day to my soul mate, and I was sitting there kissing my matron of honour! My head began to swirl with guilt, confusion and too much champagne.

I squeezed her hands tightly, kissed her forehead and walked to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

In the morning, I realised I was very much in love with my husband-to-be. With the excitement and rush of the wedding morning, I didn’t get to speak to my matron of honour alone that day.

As with most wedding days, much of the formalities are now a bit of a blur. However I distinctly remember walking down the isle with my father. As I walked towards my husband-to-be, I caught a glimpse of Kate and the immense pain in her eyes. For a split second I wanted to stop the entire wedding and hold her again. Luckily I pulled myself together and made it through the wedding ceremony.

To this day, my new husband has no idea about the kisses I shared with my matron of honour. Sometimes I feel guilty, but I manage to put down the night’s activities to wedding jitters.

Unfortunately, after numerous attempts to stay in touch, I haven’t heard from my matron of honour since my wedding day.

Kate, I miss you…

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February 10, 2005

Bailee’s bones

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Question:

Dear Julie,

My cute little puppy Bailee is about eight months old. However, when she wakes up in the morning, she seems to have the bones of an eight-year-old dog. Is it normal for her to be stiff or is there a bigger problem?

Shannon.

Answer:

Although many animals need to stretch a bit when they first wake up, a young pup shouldn’t really be that stiff in the morning. Is she limping on any limbs or showing signs of pain? I’d suggest that you take little Bailee to the vet for a thorough check-up. They can palpate (feel) all her bones and joints to see if there’s any pain, joint instability or restricted range of movement. As well as physical joint problems from injury, problems can also arise from congenital or genetic abnormalities and systemic viral infections, so all possibilities need to be considered.

If necessary, your vet can take some X-rays to check for any bone or joint abnormality. This way, you can rule out potential problems and treat any conditions early, to avoid things getting worse. Dietary deficiencies may also play a part in some bone abnormalities, so discuss what your pup’s eating with your vet to make sure it’s complete and balanced.

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February 10, 2005

Bleached, brittle hair

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Question:

I have recently bleached my hair and it is extremely coarse and brittle, and breaks off after each wash. Will protein spray help strengthen it?

Leesa

Answer:

Yes, but once hair starts to break off you would be better off going for a very short style and having professional protein treatments at a salon. Leave-in treatments are not professional strength, so the repair time takes much longer. You should probably go back to your hairdresser and ask them to give you the treatments.

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February 4, 2005

Lonely dog

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Question:

Dear Julie,

My German shorthaired pointer has been very depressed since I had to put her playmate to sleep (due to injury). How can I help her adjust to being by herself?

Naomi.

Answer:

Your poor little pointer is suffering separation anxiety being apart from her poochy partner. The best thing you can do is spend quality time with her: going for walks, playing games and hanging out together. When you go out, leave her with a bone, chew or toy to keep her occupied. Reward her with praise and treats when she behaves calmly when she’s alone (eg, outside on her own) to promote independence. Routine is important at this time, as is knowing that you are around, because you are now her world!

If the problem remains serious and she is not eating or becomes increasingly anxious, see your vet or behaviourist for further advice regarding medical treatment options. You could consider getting another pet to keep her company if you are out a lot, otherwise you can aim to fill the void. Other than that, time will help heal her aching heart.

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February 3, 2005

Heart health

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By Annette Campbell

Leonie Fryar does not fit the description of your “typical” heart patient.

When we generalise about the most likely heart attack candidates, most of us think of overweight, unfit men.

But when Leonie had her heart attack three years ago, she was young, well within her healthy weight range, very fit … and, of course, female!

But she was a heavy smoker, and regular binge drinker.

“I was actually misdiagnosed at the time because not even the doctors thought my pain was heart-related,” she explains. “I was told it might be reflux or a virus.”

Leonie — a 42-year-old business development manager — lives near Brisbane with her bank manager husband, Gary.

She vividly remembers the night the pain started.

“It was on a Sunday night, after another weekend of heavy drinking and smoking,” she says. “Gary took me to a 24 hour medical clinic and I was diagnosed with reflux.

“Because I was a size eight, slim and fit girl, no-one considered I had a heart condition.”

During the next few days the pain escalated, so her G.P ordered an ECG. When he saw the result, he sent her straight to a cardiologist.

“Two of the main arteries were blocked — one by 90 percent, one by 99 percent,” she explains. “So he put me straight into hospital and operated the same day. I had an angioplasty — a balloon threaded through the artery, to push against the artery wall, to open and clear blockages, then a stent’s inserted into each, to keep them open.”

Leonie survived her heart attack … but has accepted there’s a high risk she’ll have another, as severe damage has already been done.

“Unfortunately, I also naturally have very high cholesterol levels,” she says. “So I’m on medication for that, and am exercising moderately, still eating well, but I haven’t had a cigarette since. And if I wasn’t doing all those positive things by now, I don’t think I’d be here.” Now Leonie is talking on behalf of the Heart Foundation to help educate us all about the dangers of heart attacks for women.

“It’s ironic, but it was actually the best thing that happened to me,” she says. “It’s made me take stock of what’s important … and that’s not working around the clock, trying to get ahead.”

Am I at risk?

The main risk factors for heart disease are:

— smoking

— high blood cholesterol

— physical inactivity

— diabetes

— high blood pressure

— being overweight

— depression, social isolation and lack of social support

Special warning for women

Smoking, diabetes and some blood cholesterol patterns are even more potent risk factors for heart disease in women than they are in men.

Where can I go for help?

Talk with your GP if you have any concerns about your heart’s health.

For more information, contact The Heart Foundation’s Heartline: 1300 36 27 87, or visit their website: www.heartfoundation.com.au

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February 3, 2005

I dobbed in my sister’s boyfriend

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My younger sister Sandy and I had always been close. When she was 18 she ended a relationship with her high school sweetheart and fell straight into the arms of Joe, a 31-year-old man. At first she seemed really happy, but then I noticed her changing for the worse. She told me she had started trying amphetamines that Joe had been supplying her with.

It turned out Joe was dealing these drugs and despite my sister’s insistence she would never get hooked, she was taking them several times a week. My parents and I witnessed her change from a happy, carefree person into someone who was moody, self-centred and not at all interested in our previously close family.

It hit me how much she had changed when she refused to attend our father’s 50th birthday because she wanted to go to an all-night dance party with Joe. Our father had been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness that he’d beaten several years ago and 50 was a milestone we never dreamed he would reach. Sandy and I got in a heated argument about it and she ended up attending the party but leaving before the speeches, which upset my parents terribly.

As her behaviour continued to worsen, my parents were beside themselves and continually fought with Sandy. I felt there was no way I could tell them about her drug use; they would have been absolutely heart-broken. They were scared she would want them out of her life if the fighting continued, so I took the drastic step of making an anonymous phone call to the police to inform them of Joe’s drug dealing.

Several days later the police raided Joe’s place and seized large amounts of amphetamines. My sister was devastated, as were my parents about her having been in a relationship with this man. Sandy kept asking how it could have happened and I said maybe it was someone Joe had previously wronged.

Joe’s arrest turned out to be the wake-up call my sister needed; while I provided her with a shoulder to cry on, she started rebuilding her life. She ended up travelling overseas for a number of years, where she began a successful career as a fitness instructor. Joe, on the other hand, spent several years in prison and we haven’t heard from him since. Despite my guilt at having lied to my sister and causing her much heartbreak, I don’t regret what I did — today our family is stronger than ever.

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February 3, 2005

Boring hair

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Question:

I have very curly, wavy, bushy-type hair. I want to do different things to it every day but there’s just no style for my hair that suits me. Can you please help me? I’m sick of going everywhere with the same hairstyle every day. I need help!

Genevieve

Answer:

There are numerous products on the market that help to tame curly, unruly hair. I would suggest that you have a look at the John Frieda Frizz-Ease range. There are a number of different styling products that will help to give you a different look. When you are really having a bad hair day, I would suggest that you apply the soothing serum and pull your hair back into a high ponytail. This is very popular at the moment and can be worn on any occasion.

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January 28, 2005

Adopting mature cats

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Question:

Dear Julie,

Four months ago I adopted a cat from the RSPCA. They estimated her age at 4.5 years old. I am having issues with her responding to affection. She dislikes being patted, held or encouraged to play. Instead she is reclusive, avoiding human contact where possible. Could you suggest some trust-building techniques?

Eve.

Answer:

Firstly, good on you for saving an adult puss who desperately needed a loving home. What you are describing is a common problem with rescued animals and perfectly natural behaviour considering the possible history she has had. All animals need to be socialised at a young age in order to be confident and friendly towards humans. This critical socialisation period ends at around seven weeks in kittens so early contact is essential. They need non-threatening and enjoyable social contact to learn that humans are safe and nice to be around. Their natural wild instincts would be to keep clear of strangers and if they missed out on social development early in life this isn’t easy or quick to change. Genetics also plays a part so if mum or dad were timid, there’s a good chance the kittens will be.

You need not to force things. Avoid frightening her by picking her up or making loud noises. Boisterous kids or other animals may also provoke fear so be aware of the surroundings. Give her a place up high and private (a box or bed) where she can hide and feel safe. Crouch down and talk gently to her. Try and stroke her on the side when you feed her, this way she will associate you with positive things. Let her come to you, and gently reward this with affection and some tasty treats. You could also try using catnip in her bedding, as this can have a calming effect on some cats. You may need to discuss with your vet using some anti-anxiety medication for a while to help her overcome this fear and learn to enjoy life! In time she will come to trust you and this will give you satisfaction that you have helped an emotionally scarred little moggie.

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January 28, 2005

Healthy teeth and gums for cats

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Question:

Cats’ teeth and gums are very important; if a cat has an inflamed gum or toothache it will not eat until the pain stops. The best form of food for healthy teeth and gums are chicken wings or chicken wing tips — uncooked. Cooked chicken is a huge no no for cats. The bones of a cooked chicken often splinter, which is not very good for the gums or if swallowed, may cause internal injury.

Answer:

So visit your local markets and ask for chicken wings or chicken wing tips. Your cat will love them!

Rebecca C

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January 28, 2005

My lie

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I was 16 and had fallen pregnant to a guy who I thought would support and love me forever — he didn’t and left when I was eight months pregnant. After being a single mother for a long time, I found a beautiful guy who was not only loving to me but also to my son.

After being together for over a year, we had many fights. I think it was mainly my fault. I guess I must have been getting some revenge on men; I wasn’t sure I could trust him after my previous relationship. After one too many of my tantrums, he left.

After about a month, I was still sad and pining for him. I decided that I needed to do all I could to get him back. I rang him one day, using some CDs as an excuse, and acted sad and withdrawn. Being such a caring guy, he questioned me as to what was wrong. I told him that I couldn’t tell him. Eventually he got it out of me; I told him that I had been pregnant to him but had suffered a miscarriage. This wasn’t true but I needed to find a way to win him back, even if it was through guilt. He said it saddened him and he felt awful.

However, he still didn’t show any signs of coming back to me. So I called him again and arranged a time to go to his house to drop the CDs off. Once in his company I again put on a sad act. I told him that I was really upset by what had happened and that I was even seeing a counsellor. He felt awful and shortly after invited me out to dinner. That night I seduced my way back into his arms.

We stayed together for another year and because of our friends I had to keep up my act of having a miscarriage for the whole time — I guess I will have to forever. After a while the guilt got to me, especially when he began talking about “what could have been…” so I broke it off with him. Today, it’s two years on and I still really miss him. He might have been my soulmate but now because of my terrible lie I will never know.

As far as I know, he still wonders what he did so wrong for me to leave him. I still feel awful and am shocked at myself for doing such a horrible thing. I am a strong believer in karma so I guess one day I will get my comeuppance!

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