My cousin, Lisa, and I were never very close. The only two girls in an otherwise tight-knit family, as well as being the same age, during childhood we were always very competitive with each other. Growing up seemed to be an endless parade of rivalry, back stabbing, and generally trying to outdo each other. Sometimes it got quite nasty — Lisa did, anyway. I always at least tried to remember that the two of us were related, and that blood should be thicker and all that, but the older we got, the more it seemed that Lisa wanted to beat me at any cost.
Unfortunately, there was a lot to be competitive about. We both loved singing and dancing, were both good at all the same subjects at school, both equally attractive, and quite similar too, with long honey brown hair and big blue eyes. Our mothers used to say that if we’d just team up, we could conquer the world, but that was never going to happen!
By the time I was twenty, Lisa had managed to steal most of my high school boyfriends, buy most of the clothes I wanted, never to wear them — so that I couldn’t either in case she did — and to get better roles than me in most of the school plays.
But it was when she tried to convince the dean of our university that I’d cheated off her in an essay that I knew the competition had gone too far. She had cheated off me! She’d hacked into my university computer account and stolen my whole essay. I ended up with a stern reprimand, a black mark on my file, and an intense desire for revenge!
By this time Lisa and I had at least developed a few different interests. I, for instance, was no longer as interested in drama, whereas Lisa adored it. She would spend all weekend, and some weeknights too, treading the boards for a local amateur theatre company, dreaming of the day when she would be a star. That really was her goal, too; she had an agent and everything, although it never got her very far. She did manage to get some work as an extra on soap operas, but it was blink and you’d miss it kind of stuff. Still, she was very persistent, and when her agent rang her mobile one day, looking for Lisa, I knew just how I was going to exact my punishment!
We were at my grandmother’s 8oth birthday, and I happened to see that my cousin’s phone, which she had carelessly left on a table, was ringing. I picked it up, fully intending to pass on a message, but when I saw on the caller ID who it was, my plans changed in an instant. I pretended to actually be Lisa instead, and listened with growing excitement as I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime: to audition for a prime time drama, for an ongoing guest spot, a proper speaking role! Unfortunately for Lisa, she was never going to get that role! I organised an audition time, and hung up the phone. I wasn’t going to be a star — I had no intention whatsoever of passing that audition — but Lisa wasn’t going to be one either!
On the day of the audition, I dressed up in my most risqué nightclub clothes, and dressed as opposite to the part — of an innocent high school nerd — as possible. I didn’t wash my hair for a week, and packed on the makeup in garish colours until I barely recognised myself. Apart from looking out of character, I hoped that this would hide the fact that I wasn’t Lisa, as I was sure the casting agents would have a proper headshot of my cousin.
You could almost taste the utter shock of the casting agents when I walked in. I was pretty sure they were considering Lisa for the role simply because she did look so beautiful in a wholesome, girl-next-door kind of way, but that’s not how I was looking at all! Better yet, my acting was purposely atrocious. I put on a ridiculously over the top European accent, and shuffled around the room as though I had a limp. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t take long before I was dismissed from the audition, and that’s when I really delivered my final blow. I put on such a show, swearing and screaming, only stopping when security arrived to escort me from the building. I was certain Lisa would never get a chance to work on that show, or the entire network, ever again!
A few days later my mother rang to inform me that Lisa had been dumped by her agent. Apparently someone had posed as her and been so crude, offensive, and plain terrible at acting, that the agent felt she couldn’t be represented any more. I knew my mother wanted me to admit that it was me, but I couldn’t do it. Nobody else seemed to suspect anything, and a devastated Lisa had to give up her aspirations for stardom, never realising that I had ruined her one chance for success.
Picture posed by model
Newsletter conversion description. Get the latest in your inbox.
.png?resize=380%2C285)
