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The greatest gift

By Annette Campbell

Damian Harding is a 43-year-old IT specialist who lives in Canberra with his wife Eunmi and their daughter Destiny, aged seven.

He also happens to be someone’s superhero — Damian and his family made the decision to donate his brother Darren’s organs after Darren died in a motorbike accident in 1988.

But Damian’s story is special, because six years ago he received a life-saving kidney donation.

In the lead-up to Australian Organ Donor Awareness Week (February 17-24), Damian shares his unique perspective on the issue of organ donation.

“When that phone call came to say they had a kidney, I was very happy of course,” says quietly-spoken Damian. “But then I thought … someone’s died. And I knew what that family was going through right there and then. I still haven’t stopped thinking about that donor and their family — I think of them every day. It is such an honourable thing to give an anonymous gift of life.

“I know what it’s like to be sick and have learned to celebrate life more and not to take it for granted.”

Damian’s brother Darren was only 25 when he died following a motorbike accident.

Damian, one of three children, was living in his family’s hometown of Darwin at the time; he flew straight to Sydney to be with his brother.

“Darren was on a machine for another week and it became obvious he wasn’t going to come out,” Damian recalls.

“That’s when one of the doctors mentioned the possibility of organ donation. I thought that was a great idea!

“We were all just in an abyss of despair and this option was a bit of light for something good to happen, so we latched onto it. We understood that there were people waiting and lots of things to be organised, so we all said our goodbyes.

“Later we received a letter from the Red Cross, thanking us for the donation and letting us know that there had been two kidney recipients, one heart and both his corneas. That was really nice to know he’d helped a few people … so even now when I think about his death, it’s not such an overwhelmingly negative thing — there is a positive edge.”

Then in 1993, Damian was diagnosed with kidney disease.

By 1996 he was so sick that his doctor suggested if he wanted to do any travelling, to go and do it now, before the inevitability of beginning dialysis.

“I was taking a lot of medicine, including injections,” explains Damian. “It was obvious my kidneys were failing pretty quickly. So I went backpacking in Ireland and to Korea, where I met my beautiful wife.”

Damian began dialysis in 1997 and was on the treatment for nearly four years.

“As my deterioration continued, we talked about treatment options and one was a transplant. No-one in my family was suitable so I was placed on the waiting list.”

Damian was seriously ill and his weight, usually around 70kg, plummeted to 50-odd kilos.

Then at 4am one day in November 2001, Damian’s phone rang. “And I just knew!” he smiles. “My favourite doctor was on the line and he said, ‘We have a kidney for you, if you want it!’

“We were in living in Darwin at the time, so I had to fly to Adelaide for the procedure. My transplant was done on November 7 and only four days later I was feeling better than ever.

“Until then all food tasted horrible — meat tasted like aluminium foil. And one morning [after the transplant] they gave me boiled chicken and vegetables. I was hungry so I wanted to eat it … and it tasted great! It was the most delicious meal I’ve ever had.

“From that point on I loved food again and the world became wonderful. I felt so good and immediately started making plans for the future.”

Those plans included getting fit, which he did — and Damian ended up representing Australia in cycling at the World Transplant Games in Canada in 2005.

Damian will always be on medication and sees his specialist every two months.

“The kidney is working well — I’m still far better now than before the transplant,” he says. “It is such a wonderful gift and I celebrate it every day.”

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I saved my brother’s life

By Jenny Brown

When little Lewis needed a very special gift, it was his big brother who came to the rescue.

Billy Sargent-Wilson grabs his baby brother and hugs him tightly as they hurtle down the playground slide, laughing. Afterwards, they share a raspberry muffin, toddling around the family kitchen.

No tears, no fights. It’s clear these cute little boys possess a very special bond, although they’re still too young to comprehend just how unique they really are.

Aged only three, Billy has already given his brother the most precious gift imaginable — donating his healthy bone marrow for a life-saving transplant.

“I love Lewis, I gived him my bone marrow,” sturdy blond Billy says proudly, showing off the “World Champion Effort” medal his grateful family bought him. “I’m a good boy.”

And you won’t hear any argument from his parents, school teachers Kerrin and Adam Sargent-Wilson, from NSW’s steel city, Wollongong.

“Billy was the golden child when we discovered his bone marrow was 100 per cent perfect,” grins his 34-year-old dad. “We were so excited, because there was only about a 25 per cent chance of a match, and a lot of families aren’t that lucky…

Read the full story in Woman’s Day (on-sale February 4, 2008)

Saving Kids, narrated by Australian Idol’s Damien Leith, premieres on Network Ten on Thursday, February 7, at 8pm.

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Heath’s mystery death

What is Mary-Kate hiding?

Startling questions are being asked about the tragic death of Heath Ledger — with actress Mary-Kate Olsen at the centre of controversy over her role in failed attempts to resuscitate the star, and suggestions that a number of items could have been removed from the death scene.

Mary-Kate, who had been in a secret affair with Heath, 28, for four months, is at the centre of outrage in the US after police declined to question her — despite some law enforcement experts saying such an interview should be basic police procedure.

The scandal comes amid claims she has used legal threats to try to silence questions about her involvement with Heath…

Read the full story in Woman’s Day (on-sale February 4, 2008)

More about Heath Ledger

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Brad and Ange: We’re expecting twins!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s ever-growing family is about to get bigger, with confirmation that the celebrity pair are expecting IVF twins.

The couple — who have struggled to conceive since Ange’s weight plummeted following her mother’s death early last year — resorted to fertility treatment and are understandably over the moon about the result.

“Yes, I’m expecting and it’s twins!” the overjoyed actress told close family members, ending weeks of baby speculation.

Friends confirm it’s an IVF pregnancy, with the couple undergoing only a small number of treatments before receiving the happy news…

Read the full story in this week’s Woman’s Day (on-sale February 4, 2008).

More about Brad and Ange

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In the mag – February 11, 2008

On sale Monday February 4, 2008

Brad and Ange: ‘Yes, we’re having twins!’

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s ever-growing family is about to get bigger, with confirmation that the celebrity pair are expecting IVF twins.

Exclusive first pics — meet the new Newton

Bert and Patti Newton’s daughter Lauren and her Olympic swim champ husband Matt Welsh couldn’t be prouder of their new son Sam Albert Newton Welsh. See whether gorgeous Sam has the famous Newton face!

Heath’s death mystery — what’s Mary-Kate hiding?

Startling questions are being asked about the tragic death of Heath Ledger — with actress Mary-Kate Olsen at the centre of controversy over her role in failed attempts to resuscitate the star.

Interview — Les Hill’s dark return

After a lengthy break, the former soap star returns to TV in the chilling new series Underbelly.

True Life — Toddler tells: ‘I saved my brother’s life’

When little Lewis Sargent-Wilson needed a very special gift, it was his big brother Billy who came to the rescue.

Real Life Crime — The confession that nearly made OJ Simpson millions

A ‘hypothetical’ account of the night his wife was murdered, told in the words of the infamous footballer.

Valentine’s Day special

Numerology: Does your love life add up? Travel: Four of the best romantic escapes, Fashion: Valentine’s Day lingerie, Beauty: Five best sexy fragrances, Food: Romantic recipes, gift guides and more…

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Meet the new Newton

TV’s favourite family show off their new addition.

Overwhelmed by stress, relief, pride, surprise and passionate joy, for once funnyman Bert Newton lost his famous smile, broke down and cried.

The TV veteran had just discovered that his tiny newborn grandchild — delivered almost three weeks early by emergency caesarean — had survived a dangerous medical drama.

His vibrant wife Patti bubbled with excitement on the phone as she broke the happy news. Their much-loved daughter Lauren, a proud first-time mum, was doing well. Her husband, Olympic swim star Matt Welsh, was beaming as if he’d already won gold at Beijing. The couple had a beautiful baby son. And what’s more, they were calling him Sam Albert Newton Welsh, in grateful tribute to a certain entertainer who arranged their blind first date…

Read the full story and see the gorgeous photos of baby Sam in this week’s Woman’s Day (on-sale February 4, 2008)

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Feel better fast!

Photos by Getty Images

Relaxation is vital to your health and wellbeing, but many people find it difficult to overcome stress and anxiety. Pamela Allardice offers 10 easy ways to unwind.

Take mini breaks: “Hurry sickness” – being constantly busy – increases your heart rate and the production of cortisol (a stress hormone), and leaves you no time for thinking and day-dreaming, which give your brain a chance to work out sensible responses to challenges. Incorporate mini-breaks in your day: find a corner where you can be perfectly quiet for five minutes, close your eyes and check into the stillness at your centre.

Don’t miss the moment: Multi-tasking is an important skill when you’re running a house and holding down a job. Ironically, it makes you less efficient, because your mind is always somewhere else. Many relaxation techniques involve focusing on one thing at a time. So, whether you’re just drinking a glass of water or washing up, give it your full attention. Focus on the moment you’re in right now.

Clench and let go: If you’re holding tension, squeezing and releasing the muscle areas reminds your body to relax there.

  • Hands: Squeeze the armrests of a chair or, if you’re driving, the car steering wheel, for a count of five; release and repeat.

  • Feet: Use your toes to pick up a pencil or marble, squeeze for a count of five; release and repeat.

  • Gut: Inhale, squeeze your anal and pelvic floor muscles, hold for a count of 10; exhale and relax. Repeat.

Unplug everything: Noise over-stimulates nerves and slows information coming into your brain. Switch off faxes, computers, radios and mobile phones whenever possible. At home, turn off the washing machine and dryer. Listen for everyday “real” noises – birds, an ice-cream van, children playing.

Try the slow lane: Instead of clock-watching, set more realistic goals:

  • Time your supermarket dash. Next time, take twice as long. Choosing vegies then becomes quite restful.

  • Every week, do one thing more slowly. Walk to the shops for milk, or eat by candlelight. Focus on the process, not just the outcome.

Absorb yourself: When you’re totally absorbed in a creative activity, your mind takes a break from the incessant chatter that saps your energy. Creative stimulation even grows new brain connections, strengthening your capacity to deal with stress.

Embrace nature: Staying connected to the natural world soothes over-excited nerves and restores perspective. Walk in the bush or on the beach, or just sit in a local park at lunchtime, with no agenda. Feel the sun on your face. Go barefoot.

Shake it up: Chi kung (qi gong) relaxes you by realigning the flow of chi (or qi), the body’s subtle energy.

  • Stand, feet apart. Moving up, shake your legs, torso, arms, and head vigorously.

  • Move down, shaking as you go. Kick away the stagnant energy released from stiff areas.

  • Lift your arms, take a deep breath, then flop over. Swing from side to side, then straighten up.

Walk with gratitude: Walking soothes stress, thanks to hormones that make you calmer. It’s a means of reacquainting yourself with what’s important. As you walk, think of things you’re grateful for. It’s impossible to feel stressed when your brain has to focus on the positive.

Try logic breathing: Sit quietly and shut your eyes. Cover your left nostril with your left thumb and breathe in through your right for a count of 10. Place your index finger over your right nostril and exhale through your left. Breathe in through your left nostril, lift your index finger, put your thumb back over your left and breathe out through the right. Repeat, visualising the breath coming in then going out in a flowing movement.

This article was published in The Australian Women’s Weekly March 2007 and is from Slow Up by Pamela Allardice, published by Allen & Unwin, rrp $24.95.

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Kissing Dad just feels so right

By Alley Einstein

Julie is madly in love — with her own father.

Last year 32-year-old Julie Symonds* received an email from her mother, who had left her in care since she was six. Trying to make up for the years of neglect, her mum announced she had a surprise — she suspected she knew who Julie’s real father was.

Julie, who was happily married, was thrilled, but little did she realise that very soon she would be sharing the same bed as the man she should have been calling Dad — and falling in love with him.

After passing over some details, Julie contacted the man whom she believed was her dad, via email. He was 52-year-old dad Jeff Thomas*, a war veteran living in LA.

“My mum dumped me in care from the age of six and I never had a father-figure. Finding out I might actually have a family was thrilling for both myself and my husband,” says Julie.

Jeff and Julie were stunned at how alike their writing style was in emails, even down to using the same punctuation style and wording.

“It was like finding a twin or soul mate,” says Jeff. The pair then exchanged photos, and were shocked at the resemblance. In March, Julie and her husband flew to Los Angeles.

Julie admits to feeling instantly attracted to her father.

“I saw my dad, but I also saw a sexy, attractive man. Imagine my feelings of horror and excitement, especially as my husband was with me,” says Julie.

Jeff, too, admits to having feelings for Julie immediately.

“I recognised my role as Julie’s dad, but I already found myself falling in love with her,” says Jeff. “I actually thought ‘Well, maybe that’s the process” because we kind of fall in love with our kids when they’re born. I thought that maybe I was just going through this same thing, only she’s an adult, and it’s perfectly normal, and I kept telling myself that.”

Julie and her husband stayed in a hotel and met all of Jeff’s extended family. A DNA test proved that Jeff and Julie were father and daughter, but with every passing day their mutual attraction — known as Genetic Sexual Attraction — was growing.

Research has shown that 50 per cent of brothers and sisters or children and parents separated at birth, who find each other as adults, experience some form of sexual attraction.

While Julie’s husband flew home for work, Julie moved in with her dad and his then wife to get to know the family she never knew existed. A few days into the stay there was a chance for Julie and Jeff to be alone. Sitting on the couch, Julie finally came clean about her feelings.

“I admitted how I was feeling, and Jeff said he loved me too. We just sat, holding hands,” says Julie, who began seeing a therapist after her first meeting with Jeff.

The pair kissed, and both claim the kiss and passion felt scarily right.

The relationship progressed. Jeff’s marriage fell apart, and under the guise of bonding with her new family, Julie stayed with Jeff, sharing a two-bedroom flat with the man she still calls Dad.

Today Julie is still living with Jeff. Her husband believes she is spending time getting to know her father and doesn’t know that the pair are sharing a bed.

“We have done everything but had actual sexual intercourse. It’s like we’re an old married couple — we’re in love and know that actually having intercourse cannot be far away,” confesses Jeff.

The father and daughter also take trips away where they can act as boyfriend and girlfriend and relish every moment away from prying eyes.

“We love each other as a father and daughter, but the problem is that we love each other more as lovers. If we weren’t related she’d get divorced and I’d be getting married to her,” says Jeff.

Despite the criminal and ethical implications, Julie and Jeff are determined to keep seeing each other.

“My father has recently retired, and he’s going to move near me and my husband, where we will continue our relationship,” says Julie.

“My husband and I have always tried to be honest with each other and we’ve even promised each other that if we fell in love with another person, that we would admit it. But I’m afraid that it would be too much of a judgmental issue for him. I’m afraid that I’ll become a social outcast in all of the places that I go.”

And yes, if someone discovers their identity and secret, they have answers prepared. “I guess the way that I see it is what goes on behind closed doors is no one else’s business but my own — after all it is not as though I raised Julie,” says Jeff.

“I don’t know. If someone were to confront me on the street I am a little bit hard-headed and stubborn so I would probably come back at them with a smart-arsed remark using what intellect I have,” says Julie.

*Pictures: Big UK. Not posed by models.

*Names have been changed.

Woman’s Day did not pay the couple for their story.*

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Hot weather

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Carrots for dogs

Do you have a great pet tip? Share it here and read some top tips from other pet lovers.

A great way that my two-year-old Jack Russell amuses himself whilst I am at work is by playing with a carrot. And when I get home he actually eats it. It’s cheap and he guards it all day!

— Angela

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