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Image obsession and disappointment

Judy Davie

**Dear Judy,

I have lost 8kg and even though I feel much better, I don’t like my body. Everyone says I look great but I don’t feel I look as good as I expected to. I thought after all the effort it took to lose weight I’d feel fabulous but now when I flick through magazines and see pictures of gorgeous Hollywood stars, I feel disappointed and depressed.

— Disappointed**

We are an image-obsessed society and we continually make the mistake of comparing ourselves to others. Yesterday I was speaking to a professor who had just returned from a business trip to India. He commented on how Indians, unlike Westerners, are grateful for what they’ve got, while we always seem to want what we don’t have.

While it’s good to have personal goals and projects to work towards, it’s not good if the motivation behind the goals is to try to be better or have more than those around you. When you read the stories of many ‘gorgeous’ movie stars, you’ll find most of them are fighting their own personal battles and regardless of what they look like, many still battle with marital breakdowns, substance abuse, and unmet career expectations.

It’s important to recognise that being gorgeous doesn’t necessary mean you will be always be happy.

A number of years ago I worked with a journalist on a story about how she, with a team of professionals by her side, could look like a star. She had a personal trainer, fashion stylist and hairdresser and me as her food coach. After six weeks with all of us helping her, she emerged slim, buffed and gorgeous.

In her story, she talked about the personal sacrifice required to achieve the look. After six weeks on a super strict diet with early morning workouts and early nights in bed she couldn’t wait to resume a normal life, out with her friends again enjoying the occasional glass of red wine and bowl of pasta.

Congratulations — losing 8kg is a terrific accomplishment and I’m only sorry you don’t feel as proud of yourself as you should. Instead of looking at photos of stars, why don’t you look at some old pictures of yourself and compare the difference?

Think back to the days when you were 8kg heavier and the impact it had on your energy levels, skin appearance, and physical fitness. And finally, instead of looking at people who you think look better than you do, look at people less fortunate like those in India, and be grateful.

All the best,

Judy

Your say: Do you find it difficult to be happy with your body size and shape in an image-obsessed society? Have your say below…

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My husband thinks my son is his

I always knew I’d be a mother one day. As a little girl I dreamed of living in a big house with six children playing in the backyard. When I married my childhood sweetheart I had no reason to doubt that dream.

But after 12 years of marriage and still no children, the dream was in tatters. My biological clock was ticking rapidly and my marriage was on the rocks. David had wanted children just as much as me and we both felt unfulfilled without them. So we decided to seek help.

The fertility specialist said David’s sperm count was too low and we had no chance of having children naturally. We kept trying, getting our hopes up only to have them dashed month after endless month.

I never blamed David but I know he blamed himself. He became withdrawn, emotionally and physically, and the wedge between us grew bigger and bigger. We still loved each other, but it wasn’t enough to get us through the depressing reality that we would never have children of our own.

On my 38th birthday, I decided to do something about it. I wanted a baby of my own before I was 40 and I was going to go out there and get one. I thought about having an affair but quickly dismissed that idea. I still loved David and couldn’t cheat on him.

The only other course of action left was artificial insemination with donor sperm. I investigated my options and thoroughly checked out the procedure with several clinics until I settled on one.

Six weeks later, when I showed David the home pregnancy kit with the two little pink lines on it, he was over the moon. He cried with joy and the wall that had slowly built up between us crumbled in seconds. I’d never seen him so happy. But for me the experience was marred by my guilt. I’d started a lie that I’d have to continue for the rest of my life.

My little miracle, Eric, is beautiful. He has blond hair and a pointed chin like me, and green eyes like his father. At least, I assume they are like his father’s. When my mother-in-law commented that green was a rare colour and didn’t appear in either of our families, I began to panic. Surely she suspected something!

But I managed to convince her that my late grandfather had green eyes and since there are only black and white photos of him in existence, she can’t prove otherwise. Still, I was in constant fear that she would learn the truth.

It wasn’t until Eric’s third birthday that I realised my guilt and fear were unnecessary. Sure, I’d lied to everyone, including my adorable son, but everyone is so happy. David and Eric are wonderful together. My favourite weekend activity is to watch the two of them playing in the park. My husband is a wonderful father and role-model to our little boy.

The way I see it, a little person has entered this world and he will be loved, cherished and given every opportunity in life that we can give him. In turn, he has made two people incredibly happy and enriched the lives of every member of our circle. What more evidence do I need that I have done the right thing?

Picture: Getty Images. Posed by model.

Your say: Does the happy end justify the dishonest means in this confession? Have your say about this true confession below…

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Halle Berry welcomes baby Nahla

A ready-to-pop Halle Berry has finally popped! The Oscar-winning actress gave birth to a daughter on Sunday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in LA. She and partner Gabriel Aubry have named their baby Nahla Ariela Aubry, Halle’s rep has confirmed.

It’s said the name Nahla is the Arabic word for “drink of water”, and that Ariela is derived from Hebrew word ‘Ariel’, meaning “lion of god”. Interestingly, both names also relate to Disney heroines — Nala in The Lion King and Ariel in The Little Mermaid.

“We didn’t have a name picked out until just before we left the hospital,” Halle told Access Hollywood. “For us it was hard to name the most important person in our life until we met her.”

According to Gabriel’s sister Eugenie, the model and, now, new dad was very excited at birth time.

“He called my father to say, ‘It’s time! It’s happening!'” she told Us Magazine. “She was about to give birth. He sounded a bit nervous but happy!”

“He loves kids! Gabriel is an uncle, and the kids just love him. They bring him so much joy,” Eugenie says.

41-year-old Halle and 32-year-old Gabriel met at a Versace photo shoot in November 2005, and went public with their relationship three months later. They announced they were expecting last year.

“I’ve accomplished things I never thought I would,” Halle was quoted in Parade magazine. “Now my sights are set on a different chapter in my life, which is motherhood. That’s the goal I have very clearly set for myself.”

And Gabriel is the man to accompany her on the journey.

“I have someone who is putting a spark in my eye,” Halle told Hello magazine of her beau. “I have never been in better physical and emotional shape, and I’m happy in my personal life — what a novel idea!”

Read more about Halle Berry.

Your say: Do you like the name Nahla Ariela Aubry? Have your say below…

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Heather Mills

Heather Mills has made headlines again this week as her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney finally settled in court, resulting in a $52.3 million pay-out to the former model.

Since her marriage to Sir Paul in 2002, Heather has featured regularly in both the British and international media for her troubled relationship with the former Beatle and also for her work as an activist. Heather has been relentless in her support for causes such as animal rights, the curtailment of landmines and aid for amputees. She has also campaigned for vegetarianism and against trade in fur which resulted in her appearing in an anti-fur advertisement for a PETA campaign.

Despite this activist work, Heather remains a controversial public figure and has received heavy criticism from the British tabloids over the past few years. Of particular media interest is Heather’s speculated strained relationships with stepdaughters Heather, Mary and Stella throughout her four year marriage to Sir Paul.

Heather gave birth to the couple’s only child in 2003, Beatrice Milly, and this year celebrated her 40th birthday.

We take a look back at Heather’s life in pictures here.

YOUR SAY: Do you think Heather Mills has a right to $52.3 million of Sir Paul McCartney’s fortune?

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Hollywood’s oldest pin-up girl

By Henry Austin

With admirers including Elvis and JFK, Hollywood sex symbol Mamie Van Doren has lived the life many women dream of.

Glamorous, smart and well maintained, Mamie Van Doren would look fabulous for a woman in her early forties. But age is just a number for Mamie, who is officially a pensioner at 75. And the Hollywood sex symbol, who’s been serenaded by Elvis, partied with The Beatles and recently launched her own wine, claims the only cosmetic surgery she’s had is a facelift.

Sex is the secret

“I’ve always tried to enjoy every day as much as possible,” Mamie says, tossing her blonde mane behind her. “Life’s too short to mope about, and now I’m in the autumn of my life I have no intention of slowing down.

“I was lucky to be born with a good bone structure, and I think a healthy sex life, which I definitely have, has helped to maintain my youthful appearance.”

Born Joan Lucille Olander on February 6, 1933, Mamie’s star rose early when she won a beauty pageant aged 16, where she was spotted by billionaire producer and notorious recluse Howard Hughes. He invited her to appear in one of his films and they dated for several years.

“He was an odd man. Very aloof and a bit of a loner. But he gave me the break I needed,” she recalls.

Her striking looks caught the attention of Universal Studios, and in January 1953 they signed her up, hoping she would bring the same success that Marilyn Monroe had given 20th Century Fox. They also changed her name.

“It was the done thing in those days,” she says. “The Mamie was a tribute to Mamie Eisenhower, the wife of the then President, but to be honest, they could have called me whatever they wanted. I wasn’t fussed. I was just delighted to be signed up.

“Over the years I grew into the name, and I left Joan Olander behind a long time ago.”

Catapulted onto Hollywood’s A-list, she was soon working with and wooed by some of the biggest names in cinema, including Gone With The Wind star Clark Gable and heartthrob Tony Curtis.

At just 17, Mamie had eloped with Jack Newton, the first of her five husbands, but the marriage was dissolved within months. In 1955, she married band leader Ray Anthony and gave birth to her only son, Perry, now 52.

Mamie and Ray drifted apart and soon she was back in the centre of Hollywood life with a host of suitors. One night in Las Vegas, a young pop star asked for a signed picture.

“He was the most beautiful man, his name was Elvis,” Mamie laughs. “We met in the Riviera Hotel and he took me for a ride in his Cadillac. Pulling over, he serenaded me with his new song Love Me Tender. Needless to say, we had a lot of fun that night.”

For the full story, see this week’s issue of Woman’s Day (on sale March 17, 2008).

Your say: 75-year-old Mamie Van Doren — freak or fab? Have your say below…

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Brave Patrick Swayze fights back

The actor refuses to let his devastating cancer diagnosis defeat him.

Patrick Swayze is determined to fight on as he wages a desperate battle against pancreatic cancer. His condition is so critical he’s been undergoing experimental treatments in a last-ditch bid to save his life.

Flying between his secluded ranch and Stanford University’s Cancer Center on his private plane with wife Lisa Niemi, Patrick — who is refusing to give up his reported three-packet-a-day smoking habit — is living as normally as possible, despite the graveness of his situation.

His heartbroken 81-year-old mother Patsy Swayze says her son is taking comfort from the wave of love and support he has received from family and fans.

“He doesn’t deserve to get this!” said a devastated Patsy in an exclusive interview. “He just doesn’t deserve it. He’s got such a big heart. He’s been such a good and generous and thoughtful person,” she said, fighting back tears.

“It breaks my heart to know he’s suffering. But he bears it and he’s determined to beat this … he’s getting the best treatment he can.”

Despite weight loss and discomfort, Patrick, 55, is handling the frightening ordeal better than those around him and is always trying to cheer them up, says a family insider.

“Patrick, as usual, is worried more about other people than himself,” a friend told the National Enquirer. “He is watching everyone around him, and if they are upset or crying, he tries to give them hope and encouragement.”

For the full story, see this week’s issue of Woman’s Day (on sale March 17, 2008).

Read more about Patrick’s cancer battle.

Your say: Have your say below…

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Jen and Owen’s hot new romance

Romance is blossoming on the set of Jennifer Aniston’s new film Marley & Me, with on-set insiders confirming the actress has fallen for her sexy co-star Owen Wilson.

The two play husband and wife in the romantic comedy, and sources say they’ve become inseparable since filming started in Miami last week.

“They have a real spark together,” an insider told a UK newspaper. “Jennifer has been a real support to Owen, and there is a real twinkle in their eyes.”

Sources also say the couple have been flirting outrageously in between takes.

“They were very flirty … more than you’d expect,” one crew member tells. “Between takes they were hanging onto each other. They’re very friendly.

“They’ve been enjoying dinners together after work too … following the tough times, everyone is hoping that this could be love.”

For the full story, see this week’s issue of Woman’s Day (on sale March 17, 2008).

Read more about Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson.

Your say: Do you think Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson make a good couple? Have your say below…

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Tom caught kissing two women

The actor’s wife is furious after he is caught getting close to two mystery ladies.

Katie Holmes has been left mortified after seeing photos of her husband Tom Cruise kissing two mystery women within a matter of weeks.

The intimate pictures couldn’t come at a worse time for Katie, as she struggles with claims about her marriage by a leading former Scientologist, who alleges that Tom “auditioned” her, along with other young actresses, to be his wife.

Disturbing talk

Now the couple are enduring more unwelcome attention since snaps surfaced of Tom with a mystery woman outside a Hollywood studio. In the pictures, a pretty blonde is seen pulling Tom behind some bushes before she plants a kiss on him in front of his bemused son Connor, 13.

The startling shots come weeks after Tom was snapped with his arm around an attractive brunette.

Adding to Katie’s woes, UK newspaper News Of The World, has alleged that she was one of a string of actresses considered for “casting calls” to be Tom’s bride.

The shocking claims were made by former Scientologist Marc Headley, who once made several films to promote the controversial faith. Marc says that Tom’s best friend, Scientology leader David Miscavige, agreed to help the actor find a wife after his relationships with Nicole Kidman and Penélope Cruz failed.

“He started complaining to his best buddy David about his luck with girls. So Miscavige assigned a high-ranking official with the order: ‘Find a wife for Tom Cruise’,” Marc told the paper.

According to Marc, Tom’s Scientology friends put out a casting call to actresses, telling them they’d scored an audition for a non-existent movie with the star.

“They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order,” says Marc.

For the full story, see this week’s issue of Woman’s Day (on sale March 17, 2008).

Breaking news: Secret video footage of Tom’s Scientology birthday bash.

Your say: Do you believe that Tom Cruise “auditioned” for a wife? Have your say below…

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Matilda caught in bitter family feud

The Ledger family is at war after claims Matilda will get nothing from her father’s fortune.

Matilda Ledger is caught in the middle of a bitter feud amid disturbing suggestions that she may not receive a cent of Heath’s $20million fortune.

Father gets all

In a shocking development following Heath’s death, it has been revealed that despite being devoted to his two-year-old daughter, he failed to update his Will, leaving his entire estate to his father Kim and his three sisters.

While Kim released a statement claiming that, “Matilda is our absolute priority and [her mother] Michelle is an integral part of our family. They will be taken care of … “, some family members are concerned that the money has not already been passed directly on to Matilda, Heath’s only child.

The controversy has further distressed many friends and fans of the late star, shattering the widespread assumption that Heath’s fortune would automatically go to his only child and heir, despite his lack of an updated Will.

Adding fuel to the fire, Heath’s uncles have spoken publicly about not trusting Kim when it comes to managing family money, after he was made guardian of their grandfather Sir Frank’s estate in 1993.

“When he was guardian in charge of our grandfather’s estate, it went west,” claimed Haydn, Kim’s brother, in an interview published in Sydney’s Daily Telegraph newspaper. “We had to take him to court to take that off him because a sum of $2million went missing.

“Our battle has been documented through the Supreme Court … the money’s gone. He had reinvested it, or whatever he did with it.

For the full story, see this week’s issue of Woman’s Day (on sale March 17, 2008).

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In the mag – March 24, 2008

On sale Monday March 17, 2008

Heath’s little girl caught in bitter family feud

The Ledger family is at war after claims Matilda will get nothing from her father’s fortune.

Katie’s shock: Tom caught kissing two women

The actor’s wife is furious after he is caught getting close to two mystery ladies.

Jen and Owen’s hot new romance

Romance is blossoming on the set of Jennifer Aniston’s new film Marley & Me. Insiders say the actress has fallen for her sexy co-star, Owen Wilson.

Brave Patrick Swayze fights back

The actor refuses to let his devastating cancer diagnosis defeat him.

Exclusive: Bob Harper’s hot in Hawaii

The Biggest Loser trainer takes us on a Hawaiian adventure.

True life: Hollywood’s oldest pin-up girl

With admirers including Elvis and JFK, Hollywood sex symbol Mamie Van Doren has lived the life many women dream of.

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