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Part two: ‘My daughter might be dating her brother’

This is the continuation of the true confession:

‘My daughter might be dating her brother’.

I had made the decision to tell my neighbour Tom that he could be my daughter’s father, regardless of the outcome. He had a right to know. But not everything went to plan.

My daughter Tiffany and Tom’s son Brad had organised a weekend getaway, just the two of them. So I was caught in a bind of whether to tell Tiffany before I knew the whole truth, or wait in case my husband James indeed was her father.

But I couldn’t wait. I could never forgive myself, and I’m sure Tiffany wouldn’t either, if she found out that I had a chance to tell her the truth before it got out of hand. I couldn’t allow Tiffany to go on this romantic getaway, knowing full well that Brad could be her brother.

I tried to play it down at first and, as casually as, possible asked Tiffany if she was serious with Brad. Of course, Tiffany said that she really adored him and wanted to see if their relationship could work. That didn’t really get me my answer, so I flat out asked her if she was sleeping with him.

Tiffany turned a bright red with embarrassment — a different red I knew to the one that would be flashed across her face soon enough — and she cowered and told me that she hadn’t taken that step yet… but who knew what was going to happen on their little getaway?

I couldn’t let it happen. I slowly began to tell Tiffany that she couldn’t go — first in a whisper, then in a shout. Tiffany looked baffled as to what I was talking about. She laughed and told me that she surely was old enough to make her own decisions about going away and who she was going to see. I assured her that that wasn’t the issue and then she looked even more confused.

I started to feel very nauseous and nervous. I must have turned a pale white and started to break out into a cold sweat because Tiffany asked me if I was alright. I had started now and knew I couldn’t stop.

I began, very hesitantly to explain what I had done 20 years ago. After I told Tiffany she just looked at me and asked if it was some kind of joke. I wasn’t smiling and couldn’t look her in the eye. I think it then dawned on her what it all meant and she ran to the bathroom to throw up. I followed after her and gave her a minute after I couldn’t hear any movement I tapped on the door to ask if she was OK. Of course, she wasn’t OK, but I didn’t know what else to say through a bathroom door.

All of a sudden, Tiffany bolted out of the bathroom, pushing me to the ground and yelling that she never wanted to see me again. I tried to chase her but she was too fast. She got in her car and drove off.

I knew my husband James was going to be home shortly, so I waited at the kitchen table. Waited complete my confession and ultimately end of my life. James came home all happy, which only made it so much harder for me. I knew I was going to crush him in all of two minutes. He asked me if I was OK, considering I must have looked like a sombre statue at the table. I asked him to sit down and then I divulged my 20-year-old secret.

James was shattered. I tried to apologise and explain how I should have told him all along. James just stared at me with so much disgust and then he walked out.

We had the paternity test and Tom is the father.

I decided to move out of the family home and let Tiffany and James have their time. I feel sorry for Tiffany most of all, knowing that because of me she has lost two people she once loved and now must feel so lost and confused. I know she will always think of James as her father. James has decided to sell the house and move, with Tiffany, to another area.

Tom and Shelley are still together however no longer talking to me. Tom has spoken with Tiffany but she doesn’t really expect anything from him, considering he had no idea either.

I have tried to patch up my mess and am trying desperately to make amends with both James and Tiffany, but mostly Tiffany. James and I are getting a divorce and have been separated for 10 months now. I don’t think things will ever be the same again but I only pray that Tiffany can partially forgive me enough to let me make it up to her.

She and Brad haven’t spoken much after they found out. I think the truth of it all has really affected them. I tried to apologise to Brad also and he spat in my face. I don’t blame him for being angry at me. Brad has moved away for uni and I know that made it easy for Tiffany to move on with her life.

I have also relocated, not too far from where I used to live, in an attempt to start a new life. I am not sure how I am going to sort all this out but I am slowly trying to adjust day by day.

Picture: Getty Images. Posed by model.

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Curious cat

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Think pink!

Think pink!

One dreary winter’s day…

One dreary office desk…

Add one pot of bright pink cyclamen…

Okay, you won’t get a miracle, but I bet you’ll get at least a smile every time you look at those ridiculously pink pink PINK blooms peering up over the leaves.

Winter flowering cyclamens brighten up any office desk, kitchen windowsill or dining table. Actually cyclamen come in white too, as well as red, mauve, purple, and many shades of pink. But it’s the bright lipstick cyclamens that are the most common, and the most loved of winter blooming pot plants. There is nothing in a pot — that isn’t plastic anyhow — quite as bright as a pink cyclamen. And they bloom and bloom, from April right through to late spring — if they’re in the right spot.

That’s a big ‘if.’ Often gardeners wonder why their friend’s cyclamen gives endless flowers, but theirs seems to shrink a little more every day. And the answer is that real estate agents’ mantra: position, position, position.

Cyclamen HAVE to be in just the right spot to thrive. They’re okay with warm days (and air-conditioning), but they must have cool nights — so hopefully the heating in your office is turned off for at least a few hours when no one is there. If not, place the pot in a cool spot before you leave — even the crisper in the fridge will do, or maybe a cool spot in the loo. They like a bit of light during the day, too — near a well-lit window is perfect. If that’s all too much trouble, just leave them be and take them home every fortnight or so for a few days R & R and give them more light and coolness to stimulate more flowers.

Don’t over-water your cyclamen either. Water around the sides of the pot, not on the ‘corm’ — the base of the plant — or the leaves (this can lead to fungal problems and your plant may die.) And if you want to give your cyclamen a real treat, water them with the coldest water you can find — right out of the fridge —. It’ll also help stimulate the flowers and leaves to better growth. Do not water with tepid water in winter (as indoor plants need), because they love their water to have that real winter chill.

Another trick is not to water the pot at all. Just stand it in a saucer of chilled water for about 15 minutes. But don’t let them stand in water all the time, or even for much longer than this, or again you may get leaf or root rots.

Cyclamen die back in the heat of summer. Don’t water them when they’re sleeping — and don’t think they’re dead either, and throw them out! Just take the pots outside, place them under a bush that isn’t going to get much water, and wait for autumn. When the cool weather comes again the leaves will begin to grow. This is the time to scatter on some slow release fertilizer granules (Just follow the packet directions).

Cyclamen give a glorious display outdoors too, though the owners of the most stunning cyclamen gardens have usually cheated a bit — they’ve taken potted cyclamen and buried those pots and all in the soil, with a bit of tan bark or straw mulch to hide any rims that might give the game away.

But if you want to have a genuine cyclamen bed outdoors, choose a well drained spot with dappled shade (in the shade of a tree, perhaps) and plant the tiny ‘corms’ just under the surface of the spoil, almost poking out. They plants will die down in summer, just like the potted ones.

You can plant a shade loving summer annual over them once they die back, like impatiens (perennial in frost free areas), night scented tobacco, delphiniums in cooler climates, or the annual Salvia ‘bonfire’ for a summer as vividly red as your winter has been bright pink. But again, don’t over-water the summer annuals or your cyclamen will rot. It may be safer just to leave that space bare, in return for that glorious winter colour.

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Wild, wonderful hair

Susan Sarandon

“Women with frizzy hair often find it difficult to deal with hard-to-tame locks,” says Sydney hairstylist George Giavis.

“But I think wild hair can be wonderful. Look at celebrities like Susan Sarandon, [pictured] Andie McDowell and Nicole Kidman who have naturally curly or frizzy hair, and see how lush it always looks.”

Simple Solutions

. Only wash hair with shampoos formulated to fight frizz.

. Look for leave-in curl defining creams that are designed to control frizz and encourage beautiful curls.

. Invest in a hair dryer which has a diffuser attachment. Rather than blowdrying directly in a concentrated stream on to the hair, a diffuser has many holes in the head to distribute the air over a wider surface area. This helps reduce static and frizz.

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Fabulous freckles

Jessical Biel

It’s been said that a face without freckles is like a sky without stars. Stars such as Jessica Biel, pictured, Lucy Lui, Julianne Moore and Lindsay Lohan certainly show that a smattering of freckles can be quite irresistible.

Simple solutions:

  • Always protect your exposed skin with a broad-spectrum sunscreen. Look for ones that contain zinc oxide and titanium dioxide.

  • Mineral make-up can cover freckles or give a wonderful natural, even tone to the complexion without feeling heavy or looking cakey.

  • Creams such as Cosmedix Lightening Serum, $120, help fade or reduce intensity of freckles over time.

What do you think about your freckles? Or, do you have any great solutions for minimising the appearance of freckles? Tell us below…

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Handbag rotation in a hurry!

Dipping into your bag to fish out your fragrance, keys or handy band-aid only to realise that you left it in yesterday’s handbag is one of those annoying little features of being a serial bag swapper, which is often a early morning last-minute, oh-god-we’re-running-late decision.

So when Borne Naked landed in the AWW Fashion office we were all pretty impressed, and had a ‘Why didn’t I think of that’ moment.

Borne Naked is a clear bag organiser that you can move from one bag to another in a matter of seconds and keep all your essentials together. It is available in small and large, depending on how many ‘essentials’ you lug around with you.

The clear zip up bag isn’t only useful for swapping your items from one bag to another, it keeps the inside of your bag protected should there be a pen/hand cream spill.

So when you’re changing your shoes while walking out the door and realise that that brown shoes just won’t do with that black bag, whip out your clear bag-within-a-bag and get going!

For more information visit www.borne.com.au

YOUR SAY: Could you do with one of these fantastic bag organisers? How useful would you find it? Tell us below…

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New flu fighter

Photos by Getty Images

It’s the sneezin’ season, and it seems that, when it comes to improving your immune system so it can fend off flu, everything old is new again.

As long ago as 400 B.C., Hippocrates — nicknamed “the father of medicine” — called the elder (Sambucus canadensis) his “medicine chest”. The dark purple berries and white flowers were used to treat many ailments, from arthritis to asthma as well as flu and other infections, in both Europe and America. However, it wasn’t until recently that science confirmed elder’s traditional benefits.

Writing in the Journal of International Medical Research, Israeli researchers found that flu sufferers given elderberry syrup recovered four days faster than those given a placebo (dummy syrup). Exactly how elderberry works is not clear, but researchers say that, like other dark-coloured fruits, elderberry contains powerful antioxidants called anthocyanins which help combat infections. Elderberry also increases production of cytokines, a type of immune compound.

YOUR SAY: How do you fend off colds? Tell us what works for you…

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Stay safe

Photos by Getty Images

If that little voice inside you tells you that something or someone spells danger, take action immediately.

To stay in control and safe wherever you are, remember:

Don’t put your keys in plant pots or mailboxes.They are the first places that a burglar will look. Never put your name and address on keys.

Don’t open the door without seeing who it is.Always ask for identification from service people, even if you are expecting them.

Never give address or credit card details to telephone ‘market research’ companies.Don’t answer survey questions that ask how many people live in your house, how much they earn, or what they do for a living.

Be alert when out.Get into the habit of noticing your surroundings – who is in front of you, and behind you? If you think you are being followed, walk immediately towards an area with other people and good lighting. If you’re driving, don’t go home; go to a police station or a well-lit garage instead.

Carry a whistle in your bag and walk with confidence .When caught and interrogated, thieves and pickpockets invariably speak of picking a mark that “looks like a victim”.

Hold your bag close to your body, preferably with the strap across your chest.Handle your money and credit cards carefully. Don’t display them unnecessarily when purchasing things.

Don’t sit near doors or exits on buses, trams or trains.Statistics show that you are more vulnerable to being attacked or pulled off in those spots.

When getting into a lift, always check who else is in there.Stand near the controls; if you are attacked, hit the alarm.

Drive safely.Check the back seats and floor of your car before getting in. Lock doors and put the windows up. Never put your handbag on the passenger seat; it may tempt a thief to smash the window and grab it. Put it on the floor instead. If another motorist tries to force you off the road, or gestures that there’s something wrong with your car, don’t pull over. Note the number plate, drive to any open business and report the incident.

Don’t carry large shopping bags unless you are going straight to your car.Heavy loads slow you down and make you clumsy – a perfect target.

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Food miles

Photos by Getty Images

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A recent study has revealed that the average Australian shopping basket of food has traveled more than 70,000 kilometres from producer to consumer. Let’s explore this relatively new concept of considering “food miles” when buying your weekly groceries.

What is the food miles concept?

Food miles is a term which refers to the distance food travels from the time of its production until it reaches the consumer. It is one way of assessing the environmental impact of the food choices we make. Food freight releases thousands of tons of greenhouse gas emissions around the world each year. Food manufacturers, particularly in the USA and UK, are even starting to use the number of food miles on packaging as a marketing tool.

There are critics, including those from Australia’s export industries, that argue that this ‘food miles’ concept does not allow for other factors such as the means of travel and the overall sustainability of the produce, from ‘paddock to plate’.

Plus, some even highlight that you probably end up driving further for some “local” produce such as from farm gates or farmers markets, thus increasing the carbon footprint.

The local choice

As Australians who live so far from the rest of the world, refusing ‘well-traveled’ food can seem limiting, but the fact is it’s easy to forget about asking where the products you buy come from, but taking the time to do so works both to help the environment, ensures you get fresher produce and supports our farmers:

Here are a few ideas to get you thinking:

  • Tasmanian Atlantic Salmon offers Australians the option of purchasing high quality salmon which has not been transported thousand of kilometres. A spokesperson from the Tasmanian Atlantic Salmon Growers Association said that many Australians haven’t completely caught on to the fact that much of the Salmon they buy is imported, from places such as Norway, Scotland or Canada.

  • Buy fruit and vegetables in season from our part of the globe, not the Northern Hemisphere, and be guided by country of origin stickers.

  • Look at the country of origin labeling on your favourite brands — even though they may use imported ingredients, the Made in Australia products are highly likely to be less worldly traveled.

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*The Dark Mountain*

The Dark Mountain by Catherine Jinks

Exclusive extract fromThe Dark Mountainby Catherine Jinks, the Great Read in the June issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

The day itself was hot and sultry. A late storm threatened in the slow gathering of dark clouds to the north, but from sunrise it was evident that there would be no early relief. I remember so clearly every passing minute of that day, though all the days before it seem a golden blur, with here and there a break in the mist: the vivid image of a fourty-pound turnip, displayed in the milking yard and encircled by exultant men; my newly christened brother, a mass of lace, cradled in my father’s arms; a pink cockatoo trapped in the nursery, flapping from corner to corner, it’s drifting feathers later retrieved from inside the grate. Even my father’s death seems to have cast no great shadow – not one, at least, that I can discern from this distance – though I know (for I was told) that it was terrible and protracted; that he was deprived of all his faculties by the fever and the pain; and that Louisa’s crying tormented him so much that she was removed from his presence. Perhaps the rest of us were, also: cannot tell. I recall nothing of his deathbed. Nothing of his rapid decline. My memories of my father are in every instance suffused with happiness, for he was a good man, kind a just, as all who dealt with him are pleased to testify. There was at least one neighboring family which owed its complete happiness to my father. Long before I was born, it was Papa who noted the anguish of his convict servant, John Hollands. It was Papa who arranged that John’s wife Mary and their five children be brought from England to New South Wales. Through my father’s patronage, Mary Hollands received a grant of land in Sutton Forest, and her husband was assigned to her. Thus was the family reunited, to my father’s eternal glory. In this, as in every other facet of his life, he displayed the generosity of spirit, the radiant common sense and the patient determination that earned him the general respect of the colony.

It seems to me now, looking back, that his noble influence could be felt even after his death. Or was I too young to retain any ominous impressions? I was six years old when my father died. Between that date and the incident at Belanglo, I experienced nothing that left me with any lasting sense of dismay. I saw pigs feasting on wheat stubble, I picked peaches and chased hens. I scolded my sister Emily for playing near the creek, and overturned one of the pans in the dairy. Not once was I beaten, Not once did I run away and conceal myself.

Yet the storm clouds must have been gathering long before that fateful day in 1836. For George Barton was among us – and John Lynch, too. It seems incredible now, but they have left no mark on my early recollections, though I know my father had hired Barton as overseer; that she herself was not responsible. And she told me of an event which occurred not one week after my father’s death, when John Lynch disobeyed a direct order.

‘His character was always bad,’ she announced, as much to distract me as anything else. (This must have been in Sydney, for she was poring over a newspaper article about Lynch’s execution for mass murder.) ‘Had we only known then what we know today!’ she said. ‘But I never liked him. He was lazy and insolent. Even at that time, before he committed his most heinous acts, his disposition struck me as being utterly flawed. He refused to yoke the bullocks. When instructed to take a dray out to Bargo Brush, he refused to yoke the last two bullocks – I don’t know why.’

For his refusal, John Lynch received a sentence of fifty lashes from the magistrates’ bench. This, at least, was my mother’s story, and I have no reason to disbelieve it. I must admit, though, that it does give me pause. Perhaps my father did not extend his influence from beyond the grave. Had he done so, I doubt that John Lynch would have been brought before the local magistrates. Very few of the convicts under my father’s protection ever were; his strength of character was such that, on those rare occasions when his assigned men did misbehave, he dealt with them in his own fashion, firmly but fairly, and never in contradiction of the laws of the land.

If more settlers had been like Papa, this country would have had a much happier birth. Needless to say, I saw nothing of John Lynch’s punishment. I was blind to any discontent among the huts that stood behind our great house. If the assigned men were disrespectful or if they suffered any unfair usage at the hands of their overseer, I did not witness it. Like any young child, I saw only what lay directly in front of me: the plum pudding dispensed at Christmas; my cambric muslin frock; the candle moulds; the grindstone; the smooth, alluring handrail on Oldbury’s staircase, which curled at the end like the spiral of a triton. My interests were narrow but keen. I loved my mother’s sketchbook and her camel-hair paint-brushes. I enjoyed mounting a stick, and racing against Emily when she was similarly mounted. I adored the skittish young kangaroo who came to be fed every evening neat the stockyard. Upon waking, I would throw off my covers, eager to greet the day.

On this particular day – January the thirtieth, 1836 – I rose early, roused by the clatter of the buckets and the warbling of magpies. At the time, Oldbury’s nursery was positioned directly over the front portico, facing south-west; therefore no pearly fingers of sunlight were creeping through the window shutters. I did not share my bed then, for Emily had her own (as did James), and Louisa, though nearly two, still slept beside my mother who was concerned for her health. Louisa was a sickly child, who grew into a frail adult. I don’t believe that Mama ever ceased to fret over her, from the very moment of her birth. Indeed, there are children who seem to enter the world reluctantly, and whose grasp of life remains weak for as long as they come to live. Louisa was one such child. The same could not be said for the rest of us, however. We were all sturdy enough. Being raised on a farm must have constituted some advantage, in this regard; we were not so exposed to the epidemics that swept through Sydney, and our food was almost always fresh. Furthermore, our supply of water was very good. From the window of the nursery I could look out across the gently sloping front garden – over its picket gate and incipient hawthorn hedge – towards the creek, which never ran dry. Not ever. Even during the great drought of 1839, the creek at Oldbury continued to flow. No doubt this is why my father chose the spot, for in other respects Oldbury could, perhaps, have been better situated. It was so very crammed up against the foot of Gingenbullen that one felt perpetually encroached upon – since Gingenbullen, though hardly more than a hill (and a flat-topped hill, at that) still possessed a powerfully solid presence. It was impossible to ignore. Cloaked in dark, dull foliage, and crowned with certain moulds or tumuli left by ancient native tribes, it was altogether too close for comfort.

So was the creek. During heavy rains, the low ground could get very boggy. As a child this did not concern me – in fact I delighted in mud at that age – but now I wonder if I was entirely healthy, living pinched between a steep rise and a sodden morass. Not that anything was sodden on that day in January. It had been dry for some weeks. Pulling open a shutter, I found myself peering out at a parched and dusty scene. Even in the softening light of sunrise, the grass in the pastures beyond our front garden was leached of colour, pale and crisp. The sky to the west was cloudless.

‘What are you doing?’ Emily whispered. She had swept aside her white bed-curtains, and was struggling to disentangle herself from her twisted sheets, (Emily always slept as if being tossed on a griddle.) ‘Where are you going?’

‘Shh!’ I closed the shutter. ‘You’ll wake James!’

‘Is it time for breakfast?’

‘Shhh!’

I had already learned to dress myself, for with three younger siblings, I had been given little choice in the matter. Emily was not so well trained. She needed help with her buttons and her shoes – help that I gave her, though grudgingly. Only her hair was beyond my skill. We both wore our hair in rags when we went to bed, Emily because her hair was dead straight, and myself because my hair was inclined to frizz unless carefully tended. Looking at the crop of blue cotton sausages that dangled from my sister’s head, I felt as helpless as a landsman confronted by a tangle of ship‘s rigging.

‘We’ll brush our hair later,’ I hissed, and crept out of the nursery onto the landing. To my surprise, I saw that Mama’s bedroom door was slightly ajar, and I wondered if Louisa had been sick during the night. But my train of thought was suddenly interrupted, for Emily had slipped past me and gained the stairs; she had taken the lead in a way that I found unacceptable. Who was the elder of us, after all?

‘Wait!’ I commanded. ‘Wait for me!’

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