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Choosing a husband should be like buying a house, claims controversial new book

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Forget sparks, attraction and falling in love, when it comes to choosing a partner for life, women should apply the same criteria as when buying a house, according to a controversial new book.

Reva Seth, author of the book entitled First Comes Marriage, argues that the underlying principles of Asian marriages are the key to enjoying a long-term and successful partnership. Reva, who interviewed more than 300 happily married Asian women in Europe and North America, believes that Asian principles can be adapted by Western women to protect themselves against the pitfalls of modern romance and the prospect of divorce.

Despite the common Western view that arranged marriages are old-fashioned and immoral, Reva argues that the philosophy which underpins many Asian marriages is a shared sense of cultural heritage and a similar set of life goals. According to Reva, this is ultimately what women should be seeking.

“I’m not saying that women should not choose their husbands for themselves — that should be every woman’s right”, Reva says. “What I am saying is that perhaps modern women are basing their choices on the wrong criteria.”

Reva, a 32-year-old former lawyer, goes on to claim in her book that the logic and rationale which goes into buying a house can be a good approach to choosing a husband.

“When you are buying a house you draw up a list of ‘must haves’ so why shouldn’t it be the same for marriage, which is probably the most important decision you will ever make in your life?” she asks.

“I know it doesn’t sound very sexy or hot to ask yourself, ‘is this the person I want to be with in 20 years’ time?’, but perhaps these are the questions women should be asking themselves instead of basing their decision on some unrealistic romantic fantasy.”

Reva’s theory is that many women go through their dating lives choosing partners who they happen to meet and be attracted to. Although we, as people, research our colleges, plan our careers and make cautious, informed decisions when it comes to buying property, we seem uncomfortable with the idea of taking a conscious and definite approach to our dating lives.

“Romantic love is very enticing and appealing because it is so exciting, usually based on infatuation and lust, but is that good enough reason to marry someone?” She asks. “Women can waste years finding out that the person they are in love with is basically unsuitable for them in the long term.”

First Comes Marriage by Reva Seth, is published by Simon & Schuster.

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The health rewards of physical activity

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Winston Churchill once said that whenever he felt the urge to exercise, he lay down until it went away. A reasonable sentiment you may think, given that exercise can be so painful.

So why, you may ask, do so many people do it voluntarily? Why do joggers run the risk of stiffness and soreness the next day? Why do skiers freeze their buns off (as well as empty their wallets)? Why would anyone paddle a canoe, when they can use an outboard motor?

Of course, there are the long-term benefits: improved health, decreased weight, increased energy and improved fitness. Yet these are somewhat intangible and don’t really make you want to leap out of bed on a cold, dark morning.

Surprisingly, the answer seems to lie more in the mental, rather than the physical benefits. Sure, there are plenty of the latter (as we’ll see below), but what is more interesting is the psychological benefit you can get from being active.

It’s here where we have a bit to learn from addiction studies. Exercise it seems, can be a form of addiction, like drugs – albeit usually in a more positive fashion. The symptoms of addiction include habituation, withdrawal, tolerance, analgesia and euphoria. The same symptoms become familiar to the habitual exerciser: you don’t like to miss a day’s activity; the fitter you get, the more you want to do; habitual activity kills the pain unfit people associate with it; and euphoria is why most people keep doing it.

Of course, this doesn’t happen from day one. Done the right way, though, it does happen. In the meantime, you might be motivated enough by the physical benefits.

There are three things here we can definitely promise. First, you’ll look better, second, you’ll feel better, and third, you’ll perform better. Now don’t misunderstand me. You may not look good, or feel fantastic, or perform brilliantly – but you will look, feel and perform better.

If you do it often enough and long enough, we now also know that it can help you live longer (and not just because it feels longer). Death rates from all causes are lower in the habitually active, but particularly from heart disease, diabetes and several forms of cancer.

There are also benefits for your mental health and feelings of wellbeing. Surprisingly, recent research has also shown that you’ll keep your teeth longer, for the same reasons that exercise reduces diabetic complications, by increasing the flow of blood to the smaller blood vessels of the periphery, such as the gums, fingers and toes.

One of the most immediate benefits is in the maintenance of a lower body weight. While diet may be the best to get an immediate reduction in weight, exercise is known to be the best for long-term weight loss maintenance. You may not burn enough calories doing it to lose a large amount, but the changes to metabolism in habitual exercise are enough to make long-term maintenance easier – and this is where it counts.

We could go on, but a regular lifestyle pattern of exercise is something that really has to be felt, not talked about. One thing that should be clear, though, is that if you can’t imagine this, your body control mechanisms are probably already out of whack because activity is a natural physical function. Without it, all the body’s other natural functions (eating, sleep, sex, etc) also get out of control and no longer obey the common laws of nature. If the other issues aren’t enough to spur you into action, surely this is. To find out what exercise suits you best or your current level of exercise enjoyment, try the following Lifestyle Medicine Assessments.

YOUR SAY: Do you find physical activity rewarding? How do you motivate yourself to exercise? Share with us below…

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The health rewards of physical activity

Winston Churchill once said that whenever he felt the urge to exercise, he lay down until it went away. A reasonable sentiment you may think, given that exercise can be so painful.
Getty Images

Getty Images

Winston Churchill once said that whenever he felt the urge to exercise, he lay down until it went away. A reasonable sentiment you may think, given that exercise can be so painful.

So why, you may ask, do so many people do it voluntarily? Why do joggers run the risk of stiffness and soreness the next day? Why do skiers freeze their buns off (as well as empty their wallets)? Why would anyone paddle a canoe, when they can use an outboard motor?

Of course, there are the long-term benefits: improved health, decreased weight, increased energy and improved fitness. Yet these are somewhat intangible and don’t really make you want to leap out of bed on a cold, dark morning.

Surprisingly, the answer seems to lie more in the mental, rather than the physical benefits. Sure, there are plenty of the latter (as we’ll see below), but what is more interesting is the psychological benefit you can get from being active.

It’s here where we have a bit to learn from addiction studies. Exercise it seems, can be a form of addiction, like drugs – albeit usually in a more positive fashion. The symptoms of addiction include habituation, withdrawal, tolerance, analgesia and euphoria. The same symptoms become familiar to the habitual exerciser: you don’t like to miss a day’s activity; the fitter you get, the more you want to do; habitual activity kills the pain unfit people associate with it; and euphoria is why most people keep doing it.

Of course, this doesn’t happen from day one. Done the right way, though, it does happen. In the meantime, you might be motivated enough by the physical benefits.

There are three things here we can definitely promise. First, you’ll look better, second, you’ll feel better, and third, you’ll perform better. Now don’t misunderstand me. You may not look good, or feel fantastic, or perform brilliantly – but you will look, feel and perform better.

If you do it often enough and long enough, we now also know that it can help you live longer (and not just because it feels longer). Death rates from all causes are lower in the habitually active, but particularly from heart disease, diabetes and several forms of cancer.

There are also benefits for your mental health and feelings of wellbeing. Surprisingly, recent research has also shown that you’ll keep your teeth longer, for the same reasons that exercise reduces diabetic complications, by increasing the flow of blood to the smaller blood vessels of the periphery, such as the gums, fingers and toes.

One of the most immediate benefits is in the maintenance of a lower body weight. While diet may be the best to get an immediate reduction in weight, exercise is known to be the best for long-term weight loss maintenance. You may not burn enough calories doing it to lose a large amount, but the changes to metabolism in habitual exercise are enough to make long-term maintenance easier – and this is where it counts.

We could go on, but a regular lifestyle pattern of exercise is something that really has to be felt, not talked about. One thing that should be clear, though, is that if you can’t imagine this, your body control mechanisms are probably already out of whack because activity is a natural physical function. Without it, all the body’s other natural functions (eating, sleep, sex, etc) also get out of control and no longer obey the common laws of nature. If the other issues aren’t enough to spur you into action, surely this is. To find out what exercise suits you best or your current level of exercise enjoyment, try the following Lifestyle Medicine Assessments.

YOUR SAY: Do you find physical activity rewarding? How do you motivate yourself to exercise? Share with us below…

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Heath Ledger’s last film

His spooky posthumous performance in Batman film ‘The Dark Knight’ gripped viewers with sadness and loss, but Heath Ledger still has one final curtain call.

The immensely talented actor was halfway through filming ‘The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus’ at the time of his death from an accidental drug overdose.

Heath’s movie industry mates, devastated by his sudden demise, pledged to complete the film in his honour.

Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell co-star in this magical, mystical film that boasts stunning visuals, breathtaking cinematography and a ‘never to be seen again’ line-up of amazing talent.

The fantasy film centres around a travelling theatre group who have made a pact with the devil. Heath’s character, Tony, is now played by all four actors as he goes through transformations in a dream world.

“Nothing is permanent, not even death,” Depp’s character chillingly tells the audience.

This is one movie you won’t want to miss.

‘The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus’ is due to be released in Australia on October 29.

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Kate Moss’s life of excess shows on her face

She may have once had a dream life – buckets of money, a fabulous job and Johnny Depp by her side – but Kate Moss’s glory days look to be fading.

Spotted holidaying on a luxury yacht off the coast of St Tropez, the 35 year old supermodel looked tired and worn, and experts claim her wild partying lifestyle has finally caught up with her.

The mother-of-one seems to have aged dramatically thanks to smoking, excess drinking and late nights, according to beauty and health experts quizzed by the Mail Online.

“The ends of her hair are particularly damaged. I put this down to smoking and drinking, which dries out the hair,” says Lee Stafford, celebrity hairdresser.

“We know that heavier women have fuller faces and higher levels of oestrogen, which helps to keep their skin supple. As someone with very low body fat, Kate’s skin has none of these advantages,” adds cosmetic specialist Dr Elisabeth Dancey.

Kate has famously been slammed for drug use in the past, and was even spotted smoking a rolled up cigarette that “looked like a cannabis joint” with Lily Allen on the boat.

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Elle vs Posh: gal pals or fashion victims?

Elle Macpherson seems to be a big fan of Victoria Beckham’s fashion collection, despite being business rivals with the former Spice Girl.

The leggy supermodel has been seen no less than three times in one of Mrs Beckham’s creations, including a $4200 black strapless corset dress and a belted bandeau number – both debuted by Victoria months before Elle could get her hands on them.

But sources say Elle has snapped up at least five dresses from Victoria’s collection, and with her tall, curvy figure many believe Elle is upstaging stick-thin Posh at her own game.

The pair make unlikely fashion buddies – both are known for their cutthroat business skills and have cultivated successful careers at the top of the industry.

Elle has run her own ‘Intimates’ lingerie line for over 19 years, while Posh and her hubby David Beckham have stripped down numerous times for Emporio Armani underwear.

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Choosing your superfund

A study has found a quarter of Australian women don’t any money saved for retirement. The research is part of the Federal Government’s Women understanding money initiative. Yes, it’s a terrible name for an initiative. But it’s one we need to talk about.

The surprising thing is, it takes such little effort to get a retirement strategy in place. All you need to do is work out how much income you can live off, when you need it by and how much you need to save before retirement. The Australian Securities and Investments Commission’s Fido website has free calculators where you can plan your retirement, and they even explain how to use them.

Then you need to work out what return on your money you need to get where you need to go. Again Fido has calculators that can work this out. You can also look at your current superannuation fund and compare its fees using Fido’s calculators.

The reason why you need to understand what your superannuation fund invests in and what fees they charge (something 95 per cent of Australian women don’t know) is because you need to know it’s possible for your money to grow to where it needs to get to by the time you retire. If it’s not possible, you need to look again at your strategy.

One common strategy might be changing from investing in managed funds to index funds due to lower fees. Most managed funds do not outperform index funds, which are funds that track an index such as the All Ordinaries’ top 200 stocks.

Another strategy might be changing to property investments where you have more leverage as, when you pay a 30 per cent deposit and borrow 70 per cent of the balance, you can potentially profit from the whole amount not just the 30 per cent you initially put in.

Whatever strategy you decide, it needs to be your decision based on a strategy that works for you because you understand it. There is also risk with anything you look at so you also need to understand the risks to you.

When taking professional advice, which is of course what we are all recommended to do, you still need to understand the risks and costs of what you are doing. You are still ultimately responsible for any of your investments. As many financial advisors will tell you, never invest in anything that you don’t understand.

In some ways, the task of finding a good financial professional is the same as finding a good hairdresser; you need to network to find out who the good people are. Then you need to find the one that suits you, but just like your hairdresser, if they cut off too much hair, or pick a bad colour, you end up wearing it. It’s the same situation with financial advisers; if they pick a bad product, you pay for it. There are many excellent financial advisors around, so good luck. I hope you look beautiful in the mirror and get your retirement sorted out.

Virginia Graham is a mortgage broker for Model Mortgages.

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Does the “pop” from spinal manipulation mean anything?

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Does the "pop" from spinal manipulation mean anything?

Go for some spinal manipulation and you’re likely to get a therapist that works hard to get an audible “pop” or “crack” in the back, with the implicit suggestion that this means you’re better.

Yet is this so? Does the “pop” actually relate to the outcome in a patient with back or neck pain? Not according to a study recently published in the Journal of Manipulative Therapy.

In the study, 78 patients referred to physical therapy with mechanical neck pain underwent a standardised examination and thoracic spine manipulation treatment. All patients were treated with a total of six thrust manipulation techniques directed to the thoracic spine, followed by a basic cervical range of motion exercise.

The treating therapist recorded the presence or absence of a pop during each manipulation. Two to four days later, patients had their pain rated on an 11 point scale and were also tested on their available range of motion. There was no relationship between improvement in pain or movement and the number of audible “pops” recorded by the therapist.

This suggests that there is no relationship between the number of audible pops during thoracic spine thrust manipulation and clinically meaningful improvements in pain, disability, or range of movement in patients with mechanical neck pain.

It might feel good psychologically, but it doesn’t seem to have a positive physical effect. For information in managing your back pain, see this Lifestyle Medicine article.

Your say: Do you “crack” your back? Does it make you feel better?

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Style advice from *Project Runway*’s Sarah Gale

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Jayson Brunsdon, Sarah Gale and Henry Roth: judges on Project Runway.

Sarah Gale, international trends forecaster and one of the judge on hit television show, Project Runway walks us through the new seasons fashion trends and helps us decide what to stow and what to throw.

What fashion pieces should make up the basis of my wardrobe? What pieces does every woman need?

Jeans: These days denim jeans are varied in both leg widths and washes. I recommend three silhouettes as staples:

  • A slim straight leg (or skinny if you are comfortable with a true skinny): These are great to tuck into boots, or to wear with a high heel and they work for a dressed day occasion or to dress up for night.

  • A straight leg: These are great to wear with flats or over a boot. Dress them up or down and they will take you from day to night.

  • A bootleg: Although this style has been around for many years, it is still a favourite among a lot of woman and earns its place as a staple to wear over boots, a heel or with flats.

  • The washes: I recommend leaning towards the dark washes for the pair of denim that you would be more inclined to wear at night. Select a medium-blue wash for the pair you most likely wear during the day. Then choose a wash with some detail — either heavy sandblasting, abrasions or a very light coloured wash (depending on how adventurous you are with your denim) — for the pair that will take you from day to night.

Blazer: The return of the blazer this season will see it fast become (again) a staple in our wardrobe. A black blazer will take you from day to night and can be used to dress up denim or as an addition over a dress or pants. Wear a blazer over a knitted T-shirt top for casual style, or over a shirt or silk blouse for a dressier look.

LBD (little black dress): Every wardrobe needs a little black dress. Styles can vary and so can length. The most important aspect of this piece is that it represents who you are and you feel fabulous in it. It is the sort of piece that works as an assurance measure. You always know that if you are asked out on a last-minute appointment or dinner date, then you have just the dress.

Accessorising this dress becomes important. Change accessories around from gold to silver, chunky to fine to create different looks. A coloured shoe with a black dress is always a great statement, and if the style permits a scarf, either sequined or coloured will add flare and mix around the look of your dress. And don’t forget that changing the style of your hair and make-up will add a freshness to your look.

Knit tops: Either in soft drape viscose fabrications or soft cottons or silks, knit tops that can double up over jeans or more dress-orientated pants are a must for a woman’s wardrobe. Try and vary the colours so you look fresh and feel vibrant. Colour is so important and helps to lift our mood.

Boots: A great pair of black boots will always be of service in our wardrobe and are a definite staple; either short ankle boots or longer boots. The heel needs to be appropriate to your lifestyle.

What pieces should I throw and which should I stow for a later date?

I encourage people to clear out their wardrobe every six months (I do mine every three months). Holding on to “old feeling” clothes that feel outdated and the ones we simply don’t wear is like hanging on to old emotional baggage. It is amazing how much shifts in your life when you clear out your wardrobe. In general, get rid of anything that has you feeling like it is the old and has outdated you. Create a wardrobe that is reflective of the present you, and have each piece in it earn its place. Even if you haven’t worn something for a while, if you feel good in it, then keep it and try and restyle it with some of the more current pieces. If an item brings up unpleasant feelings or memories for you then toss it.

In relation to the current season, the following is a guideline of what to keep for the upcoming trends:

Keepers:

  • denim;

  • blazers;

  • trench coats;

  • dresses, maxis or short or shifts;

  • soft and floaty tops in either prints or plains;

  • architecturally inspired pieces, eg, with seam details, nips and tucks, pleats, etc;

  • anything you may have still hanging over from the ’80s (look out, it’s back!);

  • shorts in denim or cotton;

  • knitwear pieces to put over dresses; and

  • vests.

YOUR SAY: What are your favourite trends right now? How regularly do you clean out your wardrobe? Tell us below.

What should I look out for moving into spring and summer? What trends are on the way?

Toga party: This is a gorgeous story centred around the one-shoulder silhouette in both dresses and tops. Lots of silks and floaty fabrics will be found in this trend with white and vanilla being a backdrop for the beautifully colourful mid-tones. Think of salmon, blues, pinks and purples.

Jungle goddess: This story takes in a continuation of the tribal feel that we see most spring summers, yet incorporates lots of bright and mid-tone colours and the fabrics are far more floaty and lightweight than the usual structured fabrics we tend to see in this sort of story.

Silhouettes to look out for are the maxi dress, draped tops, embellished pieces with pewter and gold hardware. Stripes take on a new look within this story, uneven and irregular stripes being the most popular. Prints are also prevalent, touches of animal and floral and foliage scenes.

Eighties flavour: The ’80s has been on its way back for a few seasons, and this season we cannot avoid it in stores. There is a modernisation of this trend with the oversized block being tapered down slightly so as to be more flattering than its true ’80s counterpart. Bold bright colours incorporating lots of colour blocking will work well within this trend.

Body hugging (body con) silhouettes in dresses and skirts will be a popular feature of this trend, while layering is also a key feature within this story. The blazer has returned in this story and will be a major force over the next couple of seasons and the vest is also a great layering piece that continues to be strong.

How can I dress well during this tough economic climate?

Dressing well in this economic environment is about being selective with your purchases and your looks. Firstly, clear out your wardrobe and discover the gems you have in there. There will be plenty if you look hard enough. Colour is always a great addition to an outfit to bring it into a new season and having you feel fresh with your look.

Accessories are also another way that is economical to update an outfit, scarves, jewellery and belts can all create a new revitalised look. If you have a favourite jacket, try belting it for a different look. If you are shopping, try to experiment and go out of the box. Don’t buy any pieces that are already represented in your wardrobe; I call this “repeat offending”.

Make sure if you are purchasing new items, that they really earn their place in your wardrobe, and when you are in stores, picture how many different ways you can wear something with your already existing wardrobe pieces.

What has been your favourite part about working on Project Runway?

I am very fortunate to be working with some fabulously talented people on the show, from my fellow judges, Jayson Brunsdon and Kristy Hinze, to the producers and all the crew. We have a lot of fun and are all very passionate about the show. Having said that, though, one of my favourite parts of working on Project Runway is seeing the designers evolve.

We have such an incredibly talented group of designers this season, and I have a feeling that many careers are on the launching pad. I really like that. I have such a passion to help others to fulfil their dreams within the industry and I am very lucky to be in the position whereby through the show I can help effect that.

Which celebrity do you think has the best style?

Kate Moss has a great style; sophisticated with a touch of fun, yet looks effortless.

Who would you like to give a style make-over?

I do style makeovers for friends and I love it! First we start off clearing their wardrobes and tossing out the old them, which can feel quite scary to them at first, but once they get going it is fabulous. I then look at their current pieces and whether their wardrobes are balanced in relation to their lifestyle; most of the time they are not.

Most people wear only a small portion of their wardrobes and once we go through and restyle using the pieces they have, their faces start to come alive. So I love to give a style makeover to anyone who is willing to embrace change, because once you restyle your wardrobe, change in other parts of your life happens!

What’s the biggest fashion faux pas going around at the moment?

Currently, there is not one fashion faux pas that immediately springs to mind, so I would have to say not truly dressing as a reflection of yourself. It is so important to use dressing as an expression of who you are.

Whatever you wear, wear it with confidence and only wear what “feels” right for you. But remember to stretch your boundaries and allow yourself to expand in thoughts of what you “think” will suit you. Be adventurous and try on things you wouldn’t normally wear — you may just surprise yourself.

Watch Project Runway now on you 3 mobile from 50c or $2 per episode. Watch Project Runway episodes for free on 3 mobile as of 1 September until 16 October. See www.three.com.au/runway for more details.

YOUR SAY: What are your favourite trends right now? How regularly do you clean out your wardrobe? Tell us below.

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The essential fat

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They are promoted on some food products, available as supplements and mentioned in magazine articles and television advertisements. Your doctor may have even suggested that you eat more of them. But do you really understand omega-3 fats and why they are important in our diets? And if you don’t eat fish, can you get enough?

**

Fats — the good and the bad

** Fats are categorised into different groups: saturated, trans, polyunsaturated and monounsaturated. No food is completely one type of fat, but foods are classed according to the main type of fat they contain.

**Omega-3 fats — the benefits

** Omega-3 fats are essential in our diets. This means that since omega-3s have many important roles in our bodies, we need to eat them regularly as our body cannot make them. There are long-chain (EPA, DPA, DHA) and short-chain omega-3s (ALA). Research shows that omega-3s can protect our heart, improve insulin sensitivity in people with diabetes, help with mental health conditions and in the management of rheumatoid arthritis.

**Omega-3 food sources

** Current research shows that it is the long chain omega-3s EPA, DPA and DHA that provide us with the most health benefits. These long-chain fats are found mainly in fish and seafood with the richest sources being oily fish such as salmon, tuna and sardines, and smaller amounts found in eggs and foods especially enriched with long-chain omega-3s.

**But, I don’t eat fish! Are there other food sources?

** Yes — there are other foods that contain omega-3. Canola oil and margarines, walnuts, linseeds and linseed oil, soybeans and beverages enriched with omega-3, dark green vegetables, as well as some fortified food products, are all sources.

The omega- 3 fat in these plant food sources is known as ALA (alpha-linolenic acid), which is a short-chain fat, and they are then converted by the body to the long-chain omega-3s.

Tips to increase your omega-3s

  • A simple stir-fry with plenty of green leafy vegetables and firm tofu.

  • Snack on green soybeans, also own as edamame (available frozen from Asian supermarkets).

  • Pack some dried fruit and walnuts as a mid-morning or afternoon snack.

  • Ground linseeds are a great addition to homemade muesli or muffins. You could also toss a tablespoon over your morning breakfast cereal.

  • Use an omega-3 fortified soymilk in place of dairy milk in fruit smoothies, with breakfast cereal and in hot drinks.

  • Use baby spinach leaves in place of lettuce in salads and sandwiches.

  • Choose canola oil or margarines for cooking or spreads instead of polyunsaturated varieties.

  • Add canned soybeans to tomato based pasta sauces, casseroles and curries.

  • Use linseed oil in homemade salad dressings.

  • Stir baby spinach through scrambled eggs and serve on soy and linseed bread for a simple weekend breakfast.

  • If you eat fish, the National Heart Foundation recommends at least two fish meals (preferably oily fish) per week. You could try canned fish in salads, pasta or sandwiches or simply steam, barbecue, grill or bake whole fish fillets.

  • Look out for omega-3 enriched foods in your supermarket.

Brought to you by The Sanitarium Nutrition Service, www.sanitarium.com.au

Your say: Do you eat omega-3 fats? Tell us below.

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