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Ray’s triumph: I’m the father my dad never was

In his new autobiography, Ray Martin details a childhood that saw him flee his violent father, but sitting down with ERIN CRAVEN, the respected journalist says his dark past just made him love his children even more.

Ray Martin is renowned for his friendly, mild mannered approach and easy smile. But his happy, successful life is in stark contrast to his early years of violence and terror.

In his candid new book, Ray: Stories of My Life, the 64-year-old has spoken for the first time about his heartbreaking childhood, during which he and his mother, Mary, regularly copped beatings from his abusive father, George Grace, until Mary made the brave decision to flee with Ray, then 11, and his three sisters.

Reflecting on his dark history, Ray insists he’s not bitter, instead telling Woman’s Day that his fractured relationship with his dad, whom he never saw again, made him a better parent.

“The real learning experience, having had two kids of our own, is to see what Mum did. She got us through pretty impossible odds. Even my kids when they read the book were like, ‘I can’t believe what you went through’. But my memory of it was just total love, and I can only put that down to my mother.”

Speaking to the celebrated reporter, who has spent more than four decades covering some of the world’s most dangerous, heart-wrenching and inspirational stories, it’s clear Ray’s children, Jenna, 24, and Luke, 19 – along with his wife of 40 years, Dianne – are the focus of his world.

Desperate not to be absent in his own children’s lives, Ray, who was working on 60 Minutes when Jenna was born in 1984, vowed never to miss an important occasion in his children’s life. So he quit his job as a roving reporter to accept a permanent hosting gig on variety news show Midday, based in Channel Nine’s Sydney studios.

“There was no hesitation when Jenna was born. I said, ‘I’m leaving 60 Minutes and I am not going anywhere.’ That started with her and continued with Luke. And it’s been overwhelming. In some ways, I’ve got to watch that I don’t cocoon the kids too much because of my experience,” says Ray.

Having witnessed his dad’s violent streak, including an incident where George cut Mary’s lip and threatened the family with a shotgun, Ray is outspoken on the issue of domestic violence.

“I guess domestic violence is the one thing that sort of strikes me,” he says. “And I found myself with Luke, early on, drilling into him that there’s just not ever a reason for violence against women…”

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Ita’s heartbreak – Rocked by drug dealing nephew

Dragged into the horror world of a cocaine-dealing scandal, Ita vows to stand by her disgraced nephew. NAOMI TOY reports.

Ita Buttrose is living the most hellish of personal nightmares. Her nephew, Richard Buttrose, has plunged the family name into untold shame, thanks to his double life as a drug dealer to Sydney’s eastern suburbs elite.

A staunch anti-drugs campaigner, heartbroken Ita must now stand by as her beloved 37-year-old nephew looks at a possible life sentence behind bars.

Last week when Richard, a father of two young children, faced court, a shattered Ita took to the witness stand to reveal what an incredible bombshell it had been to learn of her nephew’s involvement in the drug trade.

She told the NSW District Court she had “no idea” he was sponsoring $1000 dinners, splashing out on expensive wine and selling bags of cocaine for $350 a pop to his friends and the Harbour City’s high flyers.

“I was absolutely shocked when I heard he was taking drugs,” Ita told the NSW District Court in Sydney last week. “He was the last person in the world [I would have suspected]…”

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Schapelle targeted over tell-all book

Schapelle Corby’s supporters fear her nightmare life in a Bali jail will worsen as a new exposé threatens her physical safety. FRANK THORNE and ALAN SHADRAKE report.

She’s the most famous prisoner in Bali’s corrupt and filthy Kerobokan Prison. Mentally unstable, protesting her innocence and drawing a constant stream of publicity to the drug infested jail, Schapelle Corby has already suffered retribution at the hands of guards and prisoners.

Now, with the publication of a sensational new book, which details a rampant drug culture, violent assaults and even murders, Schapelle’s safety behind Kerobokan’s walls is more fragile than it has ever been.

Bali Nine prisoner Renae Lawrence, who is close to Schapelle, voiced the fury of the Australians housed within Kerobokan, saying journalist Kathryn Bonella’s book will do Schapelle serious harm.

“She’s already under great mental strain, and this will make her more unpopular with the guards,” says Renae who, as trustee and head of the women’s block, has previously been appointed Schapelle’s guardian to ensure she takes her medication on time every day.

“They don’t like her because to them she’s a troublemaker. And they could easily get back at her in different ways, making her life even more nightmarish.”

Renae – who has been credited with saving Schapelle’s life by coaxing her down from a prison water tower when she was threatening to jump – said it wasn’t only the fact that Schapelle was being targeted putting her at threat.

“It’s this kind of tension that’s taking its toll on her mental state and could easily push her over the edge. I’m really worried for her. She’s already said she would rather be dead. This is like a death sentence for her…”

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Accidentally a star

Universal

She is best known for the catchy pop tune ‘Accidentally Kelly Street’, but Jackie Brygel discovers singer Angie Hart is more than a one-hit wonder.

As the lead singer of hit ’90s pop band Frente!, Angie Hart toured the globe and hit the headlines for everything from posing near-nude for a magazine cover to making an appearance on Home and Away.

More than a decade later, Angie reveals her life couldn’t be more different from the frenetic days with the indie group and it’s wildly successful single ‘Accidentally Kelly Street’.

Now the Melbourne-based solo artist has just released her latest album, Eat My Shadow, and is preparing for an Australian tour. The 37-year-old is also loving being a newlywed.

“My husband is not a musician,” Angie says. “His name’s Blair Pearce and he’s a management consultant. He’s got a good business head — which is great for when I bring contracts home. I’ve got someone to read them for free! He’s also learnt so much so quickly about the music industry.”

Angie reveals her new hubby, whom she met at a party in Melbourne and hopes to start a family with in the near future, couldn’t be more supportive.

“That’s the wonderful thing about being a little bit older,” she says. “The day that we decided to get together, we pretty much laid it all out on the table. We knew we were going to be together forever, so there were no games.”

Angie admits that these days she looks back on her time with Frente! with a sense of bewilderment.

“I don’t really know how it happened. It was one of those wonderful times when indie pop got a look-in for a second,” she says.

“I wouldn’t be doing music today if it wasn’t for that. It really made my career.”

That said, Angie confesses she’s more than happy to have swapped a non-stop life on the road for a more homely existence.

“I’ve got a bit of tour phobia these days,” Angie says, chuckling.

“I have just started travelling overseas again now and I am getting a little bit more of a taste for it again. But I like having family around,” she says.

“I lived in Los Angeles for about nine years, but I’ve always been a Melbourne girl. I did enjoy my time in the US, but I’m very Australian. I felt a bit out of step all the time over there.”

And Angie couldn’t be happier with her latest recording effort, Eat My Shadow, which features collaborations with Mark Seymour and Ben Lee.

“I had the courage to strip it back and let the songs speak for themselves,” she reflects.

Angie Hart’s new album, Eat My Shadow is out now.

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Why have ‘women only’ networking events?

three women gathered around table conversing, getty images

RECENTLY at a business awards night for a local women’s group on the Central Coast in New South Wales — I was at a very entertaining table with some interesting girls. All of them run their own businesses and most of them are pretty successful.

The topic of why we go to women’s networking events came up and, although most of us had support from our families, friends and staff, we all knew we needed to network for our businesses to thrive.

We had all been to many networking events but found this one particularly helpful as it genuinely encouraged and supported women to get together once a month, in an environment where they could get to know each other and do business with people they like.

There was no hint of “transactional” behaviour, which we had all experienced at other networking events — whereby you felt as though someone met you, then thrust their business card into your face while they spoke at you rather than to you, while trying to determine if they should bother wasting their valuable time speaking to you. We all agreed that while we feel supported by the men in our lives, when networking with primarily male-dominated networking groups, we found them problematic. A few amusing stories were raised.

One girl, an attractive, successful accountant, recently had been asked out three times in the past month by men at networking conferences. The final insult to injury was when a man asked her to meet for a business meeting shortly after work, so she agreed to meet at a restaurant. It had turned into a bar by the time she arrived at 5.30pm so they had a few wines.

The gentleman spoke to her all about business and she was thinking it had been a very good meeting. Then the much older, rather unattractive man leered at her and told her that next week they could come back, have a few more wines and, if she was really lucky, he would drive her in his Porsche back to his place for the night. She was mortified!

A second girl, a very successful website and marketing expert, told us about the time she went to an IT conference, which was a very male-dominated event. She had her nametag on, which included her title and business name. A gentleman came up to her and, assuming she was a PA, asked her who she was doing PA work for.

She told him Bill Gates, that his presence was a surprise for the conference and she was so lucky to be his PA whenever he was in Australia. Later on when the guy worked out it wasn’t true, he came up to tell her, “You shouldn’t go around telling people you’re Bill Gates PA”, and she replied, “You shouldn’t assume I am someone’s PA”.

The final story, alas, is mine. I was at a broker event and another broker came up to me, a little tipsy, and told me that in his area the real estate agents were suckers for women who were “not a bad sort, like you”. In fact he said that they were so dumb they’d probably fall for me — so he was right there and then going to offer me a job as his assistant, letting me know I could just resign from my current employment, winking at me in a slimy fashion.

Luckily, a bank rep came up to him and told him I was one of his top brokers and introduced me. The man at least had the common decency to apologise and look horrified that he had thought I was someone’s assistant.

The bottom line is that networking is good for any business and there are mixed networking events that are great for everyone, but for women who belong to male-dominated fields, for them to have the support of one women’s network is helpful.

By Virginia Graham from www.modelmortgages.com.au

Your say: Do you think that women’s networking events are helpful? How do you network? Email us on [email protected]

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Medical warning over increase in the ‘wind-down’ wine

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Getty Images

In case you weren’t confused enough about the benefits and consequences of drinking wine, a professor in Britain says that women risk developing liver disease or becoming alcohol-dependant because they are unaware of the impact of regular drinking.

Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians in London told Britain’s Telegraph.co.uk that the pressure of being a mother or having a career was leading women to drink more and consequently they are “storing up a health time bomb”.

“Women in their role as mother or carer use alcohol to cope with exhaustion, anxiety, isolation and with stressful life events,” Professor Gilmore said.

He believes the link between alcohol consumption, the emancipation of women and their bigger role in the workplace has led to women feeling under more pressure, and having a drink to calm themselves.

“Women feel pressure to compete with their male counterparts, especially in those industries which are dominated by men and are highly paid, such as financial institutions in the city.”

Professor Gilmore continued, “Alcohol is a sedative and a relaxant but, used on a regular basis, can really put people at high risk. Women are storing up a health time bomb by drinking this regularly.”

The 2009 Australian Guidelines to Reduce Health Risks from Drinking Alcohol advises, “There is no level of drinking alcohol that can be guaranteed to be completely ‘safe’ or ‘no risk’.”

The guidelines recommend that healthy men and women drink no more than two standard drinks on any day to reduce the lifetime risk of harm from alcohol-related disease or injury.

Your say: do you have a drink at the end of the day? How regularly do you drink? Do you think women drink at a dangerous level? Do these findings worry you? Share your opinions below.

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Wash to wear: designer-style laundering

When it comes to getting the most out of an outfit, designer Alex Perry knows exactly how it’s done. The leading fashion designer is all about keeping everything — from the essential wardrobe must-haves through to the precious one-off pieces — in perfect condition.

Alex has teamed up with Elextrolux to offer his top 10 tips on caring for an important investment — your clothes.

1. Don’t take the wonder out of bras

Always wash white lingerie in a detergent for colours which doesn’t contain bleach. Most white synthetic lingerie is dyed white, so when you wash it with bleach, the white colour is bleached.

2. Red lipstick and red wine, no longer the devil

When you get a lipstick stain, pre-treat it by prewashing it by hand with dishwashing liquid (preferably one containing bleach) and then wash the garment as recommended. Cover red wine stains with table salt to absorb the wine. Or try removing the stains with a small amount of white wine.

3. Colour me happy

It may sound simple, but separating light colours, dark colours and whites will ensure the colours of your clothes last.

4. Don’t sweat it

To remove perspiration and deodorant stains or marks, rub with soap first then wash as recommended.

5. Powder or liquid

It doesn’t matter which one you use, as long as you use a detergent with bleach for whites or without bleach for colours and one without enzymes for wool and silk. The important thing to remember is not to overdose your machine with either if you want good results.

6. Weighing in on load size

Getting a washing machine that has a weight sensor is always a good idea. It will help you determine the right amount of clothes and it’s a good idea to mix bigger and smaller garments for better circulation in the drum.

7. Don’t get you knickers in a knot

Wash bags are inexpensive insurance! The little nylon net bag protects underwire bras, lace panties and nylon pantyhose as they tumble in the washer. But don’t overfill the bag; remember to keep it half-full so garments have room to move.

8. Know your fabric

Different fabrics should be washed and dried in different ways. It’s a good idea to sort your clothes by fabric into two main groups: manmade fibres and natural fibres. Some dryers, like the Electrolux Energy Star dryer, have a range of programs that offer gentle drying of silk, wool and other delicate mix fabrics.

9. Fatal attraction

If possible, don’t dry synthetic fabrics with other fabrics, as they tend to attract lint, resulting in the dreaded pilling. And remember to always follow the temperature on the care label or you risk ruining your clothes — fast!

10. A delicate issue

Delicate fabrics benefit from less frequent cleaning — a ‘refresh’ cycle, as featured on the Electrolux Iron Aid Dryer, is a great way to freshen up your dresses in between wears.

For more fashion and fabric care advice, visit www.thinkingofyou.com.au/fashion.

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Our all natural covergirl

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The Weekly’s November cover girl, Sarah Murdoch, told us she did not want her photographs digitally retouched. So we didn’t.

Real. Is a word Sarah returns to often. It’s the “real” stories in Pride of Australia that engage her. It’s the realness of the sausage sizzle and the camping trip and the lining up to buy tickets to Up [the children’s movie] with everyone else.

In pictures: Sarah Murdoch

It’s also, admirably, the desire to put a real face forward in the media. Literally. She wants The Weekly to leave her photographs as natural as possible, wrinkles and all.

“I think when I’m retouched in photographs it’s worse, because when people see me in real life, they go, ‘Oh, God! Isn’t she old!’ ” She’s joking, of course, but all the same, “It makes me mad that we can’t embrace the beauty of ageing, because we’re all going to do it. I’m wondering about these people who are in their 30s – even 20s sometimes – doing all this Botox and work on their faces. What are they going to look like by the time they’re 60 or 70? Where do you stop? It’s a slippery slope. I’m not brave enough to go there.”

Your say: If it was available to you at the time of your wedding, would you have your cherished main photo retouched to enhance your beauty?

Click here to VOTE

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Schapelle’s descent into madness

Schapelle Corby looking forward to 'cleansing swim'

Schapelle Corby

As convicted drug trafficker Schapelle Corby enters her sixth year in a Bali jail, her biographer, Kathryn Bonella, charts her slide into depression, despair and mental illness.

Schapelle Corby may inhabit a filthy, rat-infested concrete cell in the hellhole that is Bali’s Kerobokan Prison, but she lives in a world of fantasy. She hears voices in her head. Statues tell her secrets. Non-existent birds twitter and stop to send a secret code and imaginary ducks tell her to follow them.

Several weeks ago, one of these ducks led Schapelle, 32, onto the roof of her cell block. It was high and dangerous. She had climbed into the ceiling from inside her cell, then lifted tiles from the roof and climbed out. In her imagination, the duck was telling her to follow it to the beach. She was coaxed down safely, but she’s since done it again. The second time, the duck was telling her to come up on the roof to get some fresh air.

In her more lucid moments, Schapelle doesn’t want to deal with the hell of prison life anymore. She has slashed her wrists twice and told Australian psychiatrist Dr Jonathan Phillips, who recently examined her, that if she bleeds to death, she doesn’t care who is left to clean it up. It’s a stark turnaround from three years ago, when she told me, while I was writing her biography, that she was totally against suicide because she felt it was selfish to leave behind a mess and trauma for family.

But in the past 18 months, Schapelle, a former Gold Coast beauty-therapy student jailed on October 8, 2004, for smuggling 4.2kg of marijuana into Bali, has changed indescribably.

I caught up with her recently while working on my latest book, Hotel Kerobokan: The Shocking Inside Story of Bali’s Most Notorious Jail, published by Pan Macmillan Australia on November 1, and found her dishevelled, childlike and teary, with sores and scratches on her face and knees. The black hole that she has been slowly sliding into since she started her 20-year sentence has now finally consumed her. Much of the time she is disconnected from reality, which is simply too painful for her to bear.

For the first three-and-a-half years inside Kerobokan Prison, she somehow held it together, despite being kept in a place most people would not think fit for a dog: she once found a bloody sanitary pad draped over her toothbrush, rats run around in her cell, junkies have injected themselves next to her, women have almost died from miscarriages in her cell, she has witnessed brutal bashings and a prisoner hanging by a noose. She lives in a small concrete cell with up to 15 other women. The squat toilet often blocks and spews out raw sewage. The door is locked at 4.30pm and not opened until 7am.

Incredibly, when she came out to visits, she was usually upbeat, immaculately dressed and groomed. Yet, despite how normal she seemed, staying positive took enormous willpower and effort. Schapelle did it for herself, but mostly she did it for her family and particularly her dad, Michael, who was prone to his own bouts of depression due to having bone cancer.

However, Schapelle was coping by repressing her pain and shutting down.

Eighteen months ago, Schapelle told me she wanted to die. The chilling words came after I’d asked her if she was okay. “No I’m not. I want to die.”

“No you don’t, Schapelle,” was my reflex reply. She turned and looked directly at me with her piercing blue eyes. “Don’t ask me if you don’t want to hear it … I do want to die.”

Read the rest of this compelling story in the November issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly out now with Sarah Murdoch on the cover.

Your say: What do you think of Schapelle? Do you think she should be brought home?

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Sarah: the Murdoch to watch

Thrilled to be expecting her third child, Sarah Murdoch talks to Lee Tulloch about motherhood and what it’s like to have married into a high-profile business dynasty. Untainted by power or fame, Sarah has remained her own person, working tirelessly for a raft of charities – and on a documentary series she finds moving and inspiring.

“Please don’t let this be another story about Mrs Murdoch.” The most accessible member of the Murdoch clan rolls her eyes and smiles to let me know she’s not quite serious. “Marriage, motherhood – it’s always that. I’d much rather be private about my life.”

In pictures: Sarah Murdoch

Sarah Murdoch is smiling because she knows there’s a contradiction in what she asks. The former supermodel, Bonds underwear ambassador, Australia’s Next Top Model host and tireless fundraiser for a slew of causes, from breast cancer to children’s health, pops up everywhere these days: running on a treadmill in Sydney’s Martin Place in the Foxtel Lap to raise money for the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute, delivering a speech on a new breast cancer initiative at the National Press Club, sporting a big pink satin bow and a bigger grin on the red carpet at an Estée Lauder fundraiser, launching politician Tony Abbott’s book, Battlelines, before a savvy political crowd, and, from November 3, fronting a television series, Pride of Australia, that looks at the lives of 28 unsung Australian heroes, on Foxtel’s Arena.

Try as she might to keep her public and private worlds separate, the two keep dovetailing. She might be reluctant to talk about her family, but sometimes there’s no getting around it. For the past three months, she has been wearing caftans and baggy shirts to hide what is now obvious to everyone — she is expecting her third child.

Sarah, 37, and husband Lachlan, 38, are overjoyed that sons Kalan, five and Aidan, three, will have a new playmate, but Sarah is not looking forward to the scrutiny her growing baby bump is about to get. For the most part, she is feeling the vulnerability that most women feel early in their pregnancies.

“I wish I were further down the track before talking about it,” she admits. “There are ups and downs with every pregnancy and you don’t want to go through these with everybody.”

Yet there was little chance it would go unnoticed. The cat was well and truly out of the bag a couple of weeks ago when she appeared at a Breast Cancer Foundation event in a purple satin dress, displaying a very defined curve in front.

The evolution of Sarah Murdoch

Nor can she go to ground and ride out the next few months away from public view. In the first months of the pregnancy, she had to forge on with the narration of Pride of Australia, while suffering awful bouts of morning sickness. “I was quite nauseous through the whole thing,” she recalls.

Now that she’s feeling better, she has her causes and Pride of Australia to promote, as well as preparation for the new season of Australia’s Next Top Model, which will start filming in March. The newest Murdoch is due in April, so timing will be “tricky”, she says. Trickier still is a bad case of “pregnancy brain”, which, she says, gets worse with every baby. “I just walked into a wall!” she says, with a laugh.

Read more from this interview in the November issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly out now with Sarah Murdoch on the cover.

Sarah Murdoch appeared on this month’s cover of The Australian Women’s Weekly with no retouching or airbrushing. Would you like to see more of this in future editions of the magazine? And is she the ultimate role model? Tell us below!

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