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Charity World of Smiles makes the world of difference!

Charity World of Smiles makes the world of difference!

Alessia Figliano founder of charity World of Smiles

Who would have thought sitting at home watching Oprah would inspire an everyday working mum to create one of the most giving charities in Australia.

Mother-of-two Alessia Figliano operates World of Smiles, a charity that assists other charities to host events and raise money and awareness. She says watching an episode of Oprah helped her put her plan into action.

“I was looking for part-time work but wasn’t having any luck and I’d just seen Oprah‘s “Big Give” series and was really inspired,” Alessia says.

“I thought it would be great to be able to make a difference somewhere, even if it was small,” she says.

“It’s something I’d always wanted to do but at a later stage when it was financially viable. My husband suggested I start now rather than later and World of Smiles was founded!”

Since starting in 2008, the charity has expanded from holding small raffles to now hosting large charity dinners and events. In the three years it has been running World of Smiles has helped charities like the Heart Foundation, the Children’s Cancer Institute Australia and The Spastic Centre.

“At the moment it’s about raising awareness and raising funds for the charities where they need it most, at the same time providing entertaining events for attendees and our supporters,” Alessia says.

“Eventually I would like World of Smiles to be a foundation so that the impact can be spread throughout the world.

“Our mission is to assist bringing community awareness, positive solutions and happiness for those in need whilst helping raise appreciation and joy for attendees of events and inspiring them with the World of Smiles intention. Our intention is to assist with the positive evolution of humanity.”

Alessia says the one thing which constantly surprises her is the overwhelming, kind-hearted response people have towards charity events.

“Being the events coordinator means being involved in organising sponsorship for the events, networking and contacting people to invite and organising the prizes for the event,” Alessia says.

“When I organise the prizes I’m always amazed by the generosity of my sponsors. This is something I really enjoy doing and I always like to get a little something extra that I can just give away without any expectations.”

On average, Alessia works on World of Smiles around 45 hours each week. This is as well as raising her two young daughters, seven-year old Isabella and two-year-old Ayva, running the household and working part-time as a conveyancing paralegal for a law firm.

Like all busy working mums, it’s hard to see how she copes. But when asked about how she juggles it all, Alessia says the answer is simple.

“The results I get from the events and when people tell me that I’m inspiring and want to work with me is what drives me,” Alessia says.

“I work out at least four days a week, eat healthy food and try to get at least six hours sleep a night so that helps with the energy levels. I have a very positive attitude to life which also keeps my energy levels up.”

The next event to be held by World of Smiles is a Cruise to raise $15,000 for Autism Spectrum Australia to be held on Saturday May 22.

Visit www.worldofsmiles.org.au for event details.

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Patrick Swayze’s widow tells of the actor’s alcoholism

Patrick Swayze and Lisa

Patrick with Lisa in 2007

Patrick Swayze’s widow, Lisa Niemi, has opened up in a heartfelt interview about how she is coping with the death her husband and the details of his drinking problem, saying he was a “different man” when he was drunk.

Swayze had a long battle with pancreatic cancer and died in September 2009, aged 57.

His 53-year-old widow, who was married to the Dirty Dancing and Point Break star for 34 years, says his alcoholism caused her to walk out on him in the middle of the night.

“For me the worst thing about him was the drinking,” she told the UK’s Times.

“He had a different personality when he drank that much. He was the nicest man on the planet unless he’d had a drink,” she said.

“People or animals could have got hurt when he was like that. It’s not good to be around anyone like that.”

Lisa said Swayze was never physically violent towards her, but was violent towards her emotionally.

“It’s not violence, it’s not hitting, it’s emotional unpredictability and also it’s very, very painful to see someone you love destroy himself,” she said.

“I told him, ‘I have to leave. I can’t sit here and watch you die.’ I genuinely thought that he was getting to that point. I left in the middle of the night.”

Lisa also opened up about the couple’s last words to each other and says that despite his low moments, her husband kept up his can-do attitude throughout the demise of his illness.

“After almost two years the disease had started to win. He had an infection that was not clearing up, complications. I decided to take him home, within a week or two he had died,” Lisa said.

“I wish I could say our last conversation had been profound. It was probably, ‘What do you want for your birthday?’,” she said.

“We told each other we loved each other over and over again. I never left the room without telling him. It still didn’t feel like enough.”

Patrick Swayze’s book, The Time of My Life, which he co-wrote with his wife up until two months before he died, is about the couple’s 34-year-marriage and their lives together.

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Blueberries for hepatitis?

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Researchers from Japan’s University of Miyakazi have identified a chemical compound in blueberry leaves that may possibly stop the hepatitis C virus’ ability to reproduce.

The compound is a proanthocyanadin, with antioxidant properties similar to those found in grapes and wine. The study, published in the Journal of Biological Chemistry, offers hope for patients with the disease because the present standard drug treatment is not effective in all cases.

Your say: What do you think about this research? Share with us below.

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Jealousy: causes and cures

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We’ve all felt a jealous pang or two in our lifetime. But how much is too much? Too many visits from the green-eyed monster can wreak havoc on even the strongest of relationships.

“Jealousy is wanting something someone else has … having a sense of entitlement to something; and so you feel you may be missing out,” explains Anne Hollonds, the CEO of Relationships Australia, NSW.

“There are good and bad aspects of all emotions, and so it’s true that a small dose of jealousy might be helpful.”

For example, Anne says if you see someone flirting with your partner and you feel a tinge of jealousy, the positive is that it might make you realise how important your partner is to you, when maybe you’ve been taking him for granted.

“So in this way it helps to put something on the radar for you … to put you on notice to take action and do something about it,” she adds. “But if you feel it far too frequently, it’s a sign of a bigger problem. It could well become a barrier between you and your partner.

“You might interpret that he’s home late from work as a sign that he doesn’t love me, he’s going to leave me. At that point, the best thing to do, ideally, is to talk about it with each other.”

  • Constantly wonder where your partner is.

  • Check credit cards and/or receipts.

  • Cut yourselves off as a couple, from others, so you can have him all for yourself.

“If you experience it occasionally say, for example, if he notices a pretty girl walking down the street, it’s no big deal,” says Anne.

“But if you feel it every time you’re at a party or a restaurant together; or he goes to a work function in the evening and you’re sitting at home stewing, then yes it’s a problem.

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The loss of the male libido – A troubling new trend

Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. But what if you’re not doing it – because your partner’s not interested?

Wanting a sexual relationship and being rejected by your partner is hurtful and humiliating for anyone, but it can be especially devastating for women, because we’re all led to believe that men are constantly thinking about sex, have an insatiable libido and will jump at any opportunity to have it…

Her new book, The Sex-Starved Wife, suggests the real reason many couples don’t have sex is a decline in male desire, not female. Research by the Australian Study of Health and Relationships adds strength to the claim, with almost a quarter of men questioned saying they’d experienced a lack of interest in sex. But what is behind this troubling new trend?

Men, who traditionally see themselves as ‘provider’ for their family, can be more affected.

One woman who can relate to that is Kerry, 32. “Michael (40) was my neighbour when we got together, and we’d constantly be knocking on each other’s door for a quickie,” she says.

“Then we bought a house together and had children, and our sex life was history. I still wanted it, but Michael, who’s self-employed, was working long hours to provide for his family, and sex simply slipped off his ‘To Do’ list.”

“Sex is connected to everything,” Paula tells the Daily Mail. “If he’s angry or resentful about something – maybe you don’t give him enough attention, or he thinks you nag him, or don’t appreciate his work, or a hundred other reasons – his desire closes down, or he withholds sex as a way to express anger.”

From here it can become a vicious cycle – the more he avoids it, the more he doesn’t want it anymore. Then as an effect, she becomes hurt and resentful, and the relationship continues to go downhill.

“Fix your relationship and watch the sex improve”, says Paula.

Many people complain about “doing everything together” and “feeling more like brother and sister than lovers”, this can cause a problem because often the libido is stirred by mystery and excitement which understandably fades over time, especially if you live in each other’s pockets.

It doesn’t mean the love has gone, but it can mean that the couple gradually stop seeing each other in a sexual way.

To counteract the predictability, and in turn, potential lack of lust in a long-term relationship, here are a few easy things you can try; take an active role in maintaining a fair amount of individualism – perhaps join a club on your own or socialize separately from time to time, continue to make an effort both with your appearance and with your communication with your partner – be mindful of your body language and seize attention with a sexy text or choice of film.

Paula Hall says “It’s important to remember that many long-term couples go on having great, rewarding sex throughout their lives.”

Women are becoming more masculine, while men are bombarded with images of the ‘New Age Man’. Both have their pluses and I’m not saying women should be all weak and pathetic while men go all macho, but I do think it’s affecting people’s sex lives.

I’ve had several female clients say to me, ‘He’s just not a man any more, especially not in the bedroom’. But how can they expect that when they’re always telling him to be in touch with his ‘feminine’ side? Talk about confusing!”

“Women tend to have a mental checklist of 40 things they want in a partner. But it’s only ever going to leave you feeling disappointed.

Besides, that checklist obscures the things you could enjoy about him. He might not buy you roses every week, but he’ll gladly fix anything you ask him to. The ‘ideal’ man doesn’t exist outside a marketed image.”

That image can lead to another reason for a decline in desire – performance anxiety.

“There is tremendous pressure on men to ‘perform’ in the bedroom,” says Maggie. “They feel they need a sexual repertoire, and this takes away the emotional side of sex.”

“It becomes an act rather than a true expression of the natural self,” agrees Jacqueline. “When that happens both parties often lose interest as they’re too worried about whether they’re doing everything right, instead of just going with the flow.”

“What I tell most of my clients to do first is relax,” says Jacqueline. “Chill out and spend quality time with your partner. Turn off the TV and really talk to each other – and not just about family issues.

Make the effort too. People often work at other areas of life, but somehow expect sex to happen spontaneously. Have a bath together, walk the dog together, give each other a foot massage. This will help you learn to enjoy each other’s company, which is a step towards desire.”

This worked for Kerry. “I pencilled in a ‘date’ night every week and tried to recreate when we first met. I banned all talk of the kids and work, and we got to know each other again. It made us realise why we fell in love in the first place, and our dates soon ended up in the bedroom.”

Setting aside one ‘nookie night’ a week is a great idea, says Jacqueline, as is being vocal about what you need in bed. But listen too – and be prepared to wait if your partner’s not ready to talk yet.

“Sometimes women just need to be quiet,” says Maggie. “We often talk so much our men stop trying. One man told me his partner took away his ability to respond because she never paused for breath.

Or we put them on the spot by demanding to know what’s wrong. If they’re not ready to speak they’ll simply withdraw.”

Instead, give him opportunities to talk if he wants to. “If you know he’s struggling at work, start a conversation about the bad day you’ve had. This might be all he needs to open up,” says Maggie.

And remember your man has feelings too. “Some of the things I’ve heard women say to their partner in my sessions are astonishing,” says Jacqueline. “I’m not surprised they’re not having sex if they talk to him like that.” You wouldn’t talk to your girlfriends in that manner, so don’t do it to your man.

We need to move away from the myth of the ever-turned-on male and realise most men don’t just want sex to get their rocks off – they can masterbate for that. They see sex as part of a bigger picture of love and intimacy.”

“My research made me realise men and women are alike in ways we don’t imagine are possible,” adds Maggie. “They want love, tenderness and acceptance just like we do. Their head and heart affect their desire, just like ours do.”

So ditch those stereotypical views of what men are like and find out what your man is like. You might be surprised.

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Have an affair… with your husband!

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Spice up your marriage with a spousal fling …

Marital blip:

Some relationship problems start when the passion and sense of adventure ebbs away, leaving couples with a routine and sometimes mechanical existence.

“One of the most common issues facing couples is wavering desire,” says Elisabeth Shaw, a psychologist specialising in relationship issues.

“This can be because people get almost too secure, and can just assume that aspects of the relationship can go on hold while they turn their attention to other pressing tasks such as work and family. The relationship can then become vulnerable, leading to things like affairs.”

Extramarital affairs bring adventure and risk but can ruin a relationship, so why not enjoy the less-destructive risk of a fling with your spouse?

Au fait with affairs:

Follow our quick tips to help you and your hubby kick off your fling thing:

Step one: get connected.Give yourselves pseudonyms and enter them into your mobile or create new e-mail addresses. Woo each other through technology and let the passion slowly simmer.

Step two: play the innocent.Begin with stolen moments, grabbing a drink before grocery shopping or having a quick coffee together on your lunch break.

Step three: spice it up.After a few quick meetings you can, as Elisabeth says, “put more spice into the adventure”, such as meeting out of town for an intimate dinner.

Step four: nix-travagance.”Going out doesn’t have to be expensive,” Elisabeth says. “Anything that conveys thought and an appreciation of time together will help you feel closer, and create a platform for better sex.”

Step five: act up.Never act like you are a married couple when meeting up and avoid talking about home life or the kids. “Try for a new agenda of conversation. Forget catching up on domestics,” Elisabeth says.

Step six: be brave.Don’t get coy as the “affair” unfolds. “Couples get so familiar,” Elisabeth says. “It can feel embarrassing to try something new with someone who knows you so well.” Be brave and embrace the excitement.

Step seven: ssshecrets.Don’t discuss the “affair” at home with your husband or blab to your friends — it will ruin the mystery.

Step eight: sexual stealing.As you become more confident “cheaters”, meet somewhere new and exciting for sex breaks and saucy weekends.

Step nine: break old habits.Make as much effort as you would for a new lover. Get waxed, try a different perfume, buy new underwear. Breaking old physical habits will help you embrace a new emotional and sexual “you”.

Step 10: take turns.”Each taking a turn to plan an outing that the other doesn’t know about gets everyone to sit up and take notice, put more thought into things and be more adventurous,” Elisabeth says.

Step 11: opportunity rocks.Snatched phone calls and texts will keep life exciting. When you are apart, you’ll find yourself fantasising about your spouse, rather than associating them with taking out the bins or making dinner.

Fling the fling:

After a mutually satisfying fling, it’s time to incorporate “affair you” into “married you”. “Keep a routine of dates and ‘couple time’.” Elisabeth says. “Planning other adventures and quality time together means you can keep the connection and vision going.” Now enjoy a fresh outlook on your relationship without any of the heartache that a real affair brings.

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Jim and Jenny split

Yet another happy Hollywood couple has called it quits with favourite funny duo Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy ending their five-year relationship.

The pair announced the shocking split via Twitter, but insisted there weren’t any bad feelings between them.

“I’m so grateful for the years Jim and I shared together,” 37-year-old McCarthy said via her Twitter page. “I will continue to be in his daughter’s life and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart.” The Yes Man star also made a loving comment about McCarthy on his Twitter page.

“Jenny and I have just ended our five-year relationship. I’m grateful for the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best! S’okay!” the actor tweeted.

The pair were billed as one of Hollywood’s happiest couples.

Happier times: Jim and Jenny with her son Evan.

Jim and Jenny with Jim’s daughter Jane who gave birth to a son in February 2010.

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Autumn food swaps

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Educated women are the heaviest drinkers, a study shows

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If you are rather partial to a glass of wine more than once in a while then you can console yourself with the thought that this is probably down to the fact that you are a clever person.

That’s the conclusion of major new study which has found that university-educated women drink more than those who left the education system earlier.

Researchers at the London School of Economics found women with degrees were twice as likely to drink every day and were also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem, the UK’s Daily Telegraph reported.

Related link: Two bad habits of highly effective people

In pictures: Glassy act: what your drinking habits reveal

Researchers studied the lives of thousands of 39-year-old women who had been born in the UK in the same week in 1970 and quizzed them regularly about their academic achievements as well as their drinking habits.

“The more educated women are, the more likely they are to drink alcohol on most days and to report having problems due to their drinking patterns,” researchers Dr Francesca Borgonovi and Dr Maria Huerta wrote in Social Science and Medicine.

“The better-educated appear to be the ones who engage the most in problematic patterns of alcohol consumption.”

The researchers also found a correlation between academic scores from tests taken when the subjects were five-year-olds and their alcoholic consumption later in life.

“Both males and females who achieved high-level performance in test scores administered at ages five and 10 are significantly more likely to abuse alcohol than individuals who performed poorly on those tests,” the researchers wrote.

“Reasons for the positive association of education and drinking behaviours may include: a more intensive social life that encourages alcohol intake; a greater engagement into traditionally male spheres of life, a greater social acceptability of alcohol use and abuse; more exposure to alcohol use during formative years; and greater postponement of childbearing and its responsibilities among the better educated.”

Related video:TODAY nutritionist Joanna McMillan Price discusses why a glass of red wine can prevent you from gaining weight.

The findings also suggest that higher-educated men have a similar preference for regular drinking, but that the link was less pronounced than for women.

According to 2005 figures from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, one in eight Australians drink to a risky to high risk level.

Your say: Do you think that educated women drink more? Share your thoughts below.

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Dannii stays close to home

Dannii stays close to home

The singer won’t stray far from Mum and Dad when she and her fiance buy their dream home, reports Jon Kaila.

Excitedly preparing for the arrival of her first baby, Dannii Minogue is already well into nesting mode.

The Australia’s Got Talent judge is busy forging ahead with plans to sell her luxurious two-bedroom investment flat in the trendy Melbourne suburb of South Yarra, as she sets her sights on a larger and more family-friendly home.

Now five months pregnant to model and former UK rugby league player Kris Smith, Dannii is clearly thinking ahead – perhaps with babysitting duties already on her mind.

Extremely close to her parents, Carol and Ron, who have long lived in a large home in Melbourne’s exclusive Canterbury precinct, the singer and TV presenter is reportedly hoping she and Kris will find their own dream home in one of the adjoining leafy streets.

In the meantime, Dannii,38, and Kris, 31, are living with Carol and Ron, as does big sister Kylie when she’s in town.

While Dannii and Kris are certainly under no pressure to move out of her parents’ home, they are keen to find a place of their own to raise their bundle of joy.

“Dannii and Kris are very welcome at Ron and Carol’s house, but they know they can’t stay there forever,” a close friend of the family reveals.

For the story see this week’s Woman’s Day, on sale April 5, 2010.

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