- When Joan was diagnosed with dementia, she begged Terri and her other daughter, Erin, not to put her in an aged care home until they absolutely had to
- Erin cared for Joan as she sadly declined over six years
- Soon, Joanโs doctor agreed sheโ woulโd be better off in an aged care home so they put her in one closeby so they could visit often
- One day, just weeks later, a nurse called the sisters to say their mum had been rushed to hospital
- Joan had been assaulted in her bed when another dementia sufferer beat her with his walking frame
- Five days later, Terri and Erin were by Joanโs side until she sadly succumbed to her injuries.
- Terri Hobbs from Sydney, NSW tells her storyโฆ
Waking into the house after my shift as a dental technician, the smell of gas hit me immediately.
โNot again,โ I groaned.
I hurried into the kitchen and turned it off at the hob before looking for my mum, Joan, 83, who lived with me.
โMum, you left the gas on again,โ I told her.
โDid I?โ she asked, puzzled. โI donโt remember using the hob today.โ
It was 2017, and later that evening, I called my sister, Erin, now 60, a registered nurse, and told her what had happened.
โI think she needs to see a doctor,โ I said.
Erin agreed, so we arranged for a doctor to come to the house to assess her.
โIโm afraid your mum has dementia,โ the doctor told us.
We were all devastated, especially Mum.
As an extremely intelligent woman, knowing her brain function was deteriorating was crushing for her.
Sheโd been a social worker, and since retiring she loved to keep busy going to jazz clubs, reading and spending time with her seven grandchildren and five great grandchildren.
โPlease promise youโll keep me out of a nursing home for as long as you can,โ Mum begged us.
โNone of us want to see you in a home,โ I assured her.
It was decided that Iโd move out and Erin would move in, as she was better qualified to help care for Mum.
Read more: In the prime of her life, Jana was diagnosed with dementia aged 49
![A younger Joan, wearing white, dancing with her husband](https://api.photon.aremedia.net.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2025/01/read-metadata-7-6799b5eb4f72c.jpg?fit=768%2C1024&resize=1536%2C2048)
It broke our hearts over the next six years to watch Mumโs health deteriorate.
Erin couldnโt even make a sandwich without Mum wandering off.
Eventually, we were forced to put locks on all the doors.
We even had to put signs up all over the house so Mum knew where things were, despite her having lived there for 65 years.
We tried to honour Mumโs wish to remain home as long as possible, but eventually Erin burnt out.
Looking after Mum was a 24-hour job.
โYou canโt keep doing this,โ I told her. โYou need to think about your health.โ
Sheโd given up her whole life, and I knew she was depressed.
โIโll just feel so guilty if we put her in a home,โ Erin said. โWe promised her we wouldnโt.โ
โNo, we promised to keep her at home as long as we could, which we have,โ I said.
When we spoke to Mumโs doctor, he agreed Mum would be better off in an aged care home.
Erin relented, so we started looking for one best suited to Mumโs needs.
We decided on IRT Thomas Holt Aged Care Centre, as it was five minutes down the road from us, meaning we could visit her every day.
Going to view it, I was pleased to find the rooms were well-decorated and cosy.
The staff were also helpful and friendly.
It still didnโt make dropping her off there for the first time any easier.
โTheyโre going to take good care of you,โ I told Mum, fighting back the tears. โAnd weโll be here to see you every day.โ
![Joan in blue, standing with her extended family, including grandkids, in a park](https://api.photon.aremedia.net.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2025/01/read-metadata-5-1-6799be5974695.jpg?fit=963%2C1024&resize=903%2C960)
Over the next few weeks, Mum seemed to settle in well, and there was a noticeable shift in Erinโs mood.
Then, eight weeks after weโd moved Mum into a home, I received a call from Erin.
โMumโs in the hospital,โ she told me. โShe had a fall.โ
We went straight to the hospital, where the doctor confirmed she had a few small bleeds on her brain.
โSheโs not broken anything, so thereโs not much we can do,โ he told us. โWeโll discharge her in the morning.โ
The next day, as soon as she was back in the aged care home, we went to see her and fortunately, she seemed okay.
We stayed until it was time for her to go to bed.
โWeโll be back in the morning,โ we told her.
The following day, Erin called.
โIโve had a text message from the care home saying Mum is back in the hospital,โ she told me.
We headed straight there, and when we arrived, we were taken to see her doctor.
โHas she had another fall?โ I asked.
His face became solemn, and he shook his head.
โIโm afraid your mum has been assaulted,โ he told us.
My mouth fell open in shock.
โBy who?โ I asked.
![Terri and Joan cheek to cheek and smiling at the camera](https://api.photon.aremedia.net.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2025/01/read-metadata-6-2-6799bf55d4cd3.jpg?fit=769%2C1024&resize=721%2C960)
He explained how Mum had been in her bed at the aged care home when another dementia-suffering resident had come into her room and beat her with his walking frame.
He was only staying there for a few days while they found a placement for him.
It was a lot to take in.
We asked if we could see her.
โShe doesnโt look good,โ a doctor told us, honestly.
โI still want to see her,โ I said.
He led us into the room where Mum was.
โOh my god,โ I gasped as my eyes fell on her.
Her face was bruised and battered, as were her arms, where sheโd held them up to defend herself.
โShe mustโve been terrified,โ Erin wept. โShe wouldnโt have known what was happening.โ
We were told it was only a matter of time until she passed, so all we could do was sit with her until she died.
Five days later, aged 89, she was gone.
![Terri and her elderly mother Joan smiling at the camera](https://api.photon.aremedia.net.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2025/01/read-metadata-10-1-6799b199707af.jpg?fit=768%2C1024&resize=1536%2C2048)
We decided not to press charges.
We donโt blame the man who killed Mum โ he didnโt know what he was doing โ nor do we blame the aged care home.
The staff at the care home have been nothing but supportive since it happened.
What we do blame is the need for staff supervision. The patient-to-staff ratio needs to change.
There are not enough nurses on the floors, and thatโs a government issue they need to address.
Our elderly population matters. They looked after us and deserve dignity, respect, and safety.
I canโt change what happened to my mum, and I canโt bring her back, but if I can raise awareness, maybe I can stop another family from going through our pain.