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I spent 31 days trapped and paralysed in darkness

Christian McDonald spent 31 days trapped in his own body and unable to move.
My wife Tamara and I before my diagnosis. (Image: Supplied)
  • When Christian, 46, struggled to lift his arms over his head, he had no idea that was the first sign heโ€™d soon be trapped inside his own body
  • Doctors diagnosed him with Guillain-Barre syndrome and by the time Christian could pronounce it, he could no longer speak
  • He was put on a ventilator to help him breathe and then he became completely locked-in โ€“ he was conscious but couldnโ€™t move or open his eyes
  • Medical staff and family spoke and worked around him, but Christian had no way of telling them he was in immense pain
  • As he lay trapped, he focused on the one thing he still had control over in order to heal himself โ€“ his mind.
  • Christian McDonald shares his story of recoveryโ€ฆ

Sitting on the couch, I was shocked to discover I couldnโ€™t lift my arms above my shoulders.
โ€œSomethingโ€™s not right,โ€ I told my wife, Tamara, 47.
Earlier that morning in January 2020, after visiting a lake with my sons, Luke, 18, James, 16, and Timothy, 13, Iโ€™d struggled to lift our jet skis onto the trailer.
My strength continued to deteriorate throughout the day. I was 46, and had never struggled like this before.
โ€œI think I need to go to emergency,โ€ I told Tamara.
Alarmed, she agreed.
At hospital, I could barely walk.
Whatโ€™s going on? I thought, terrified.

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Christian in a blue collared shirt healthy and smiling with his wife Tamara
With my wife Tamara. I didnโ€™t know my symptoms would lead to me being trapped. (Image: Supplied)

The doctor said my symptoms were likely a case of Guillain-Barre Syndrome โ€“ or locked-in syndrome โ€“ a rare auto-immune disease where the immune system attacks the nerves.
โ€œIt causes paralysis in the body,โ€ he explained.
Next day, I was sent to Cairns Hospital where tests confirmed I had Guillain-Barre Syndrome.
While the cause of the condition is unknown, I believed the extreme stress Iโ€™d been experiencing at work mustโ€™ve played a part.
I was a manager at an energy power company where Iโ€™d be called out at all hours of the night, which had run me into the ground.
By the time I learned how to pronounce Guillain-Barre, I could no longer speak.
Next day, I was put on a ventilator to help me breathe and two days later, I woke up to discover I was completely โ€˜locked-inโ€™.

I was conscious, but trapped, unable to move at all or open my eyes.

My body was screaming in pain and I could barely breathe. It felt like Iโ€™d been buried alive with only a straw to breathe through.
โ€œTurn the ventilator up!โ€ I desperately wanted to tell the nurses.
I could hear medical staff speaking around me, but had no way of communicating back.
When they came in for physiotherapy sessions to stretch my legs, the pain was so excruciating that Iโ€™d pass out.
Iโ€™d lost all dignity and control but never felt sorry for myself.
As I lay frozen, day after day, I focused on the one thing left that I had power over โ€“ my mind.
My faith and positive thinking helped me cope.
Iโ€™m never giving up, I told myself.

Christian laying trapped and appearing unconscious in a hospital bed with his wife Tamara by his side
Tamara was with me through it all. (Image: Supplied)
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Every night, I visualised my body healing.
I imagined a factory inside me, with little workers coming in to repair my nerves, and it gave me comfort.
Many kind people who helped me, too.
Tamara visited me as much as she could, but was only allowed in the hospital once a week as it was during Covid.
Sheโ€™d keep me updated about how our five kids โ€“ the boys and our daughters, Amy, 22 and Sarah, 19 โ€“ were doing.
Than mentioned the GoFundMe campaign my work had started and the kind messages people had left me.
โ€œPeople from all around the world are praying for you,โ€ she said.
I was blown away by the support.
Nurses would also visit to keep me company, and a doctor dropped by every morning just to say hello and tell me the current affairs.

I was amazed by how much my senses were heightened.

I could differentiate each nurse or doctor by the sound of their footsteps and started to sense how people around me were feeling.

Christian laying lifeless in a hospital bed hooked up to medical machines and surrounded by family
In hospital, trapped inside my body, I was surrounded by love. (Image: Supplied)

Tamara remained incredibly strong when she spoke to me but I could feel that she was suffering.
Knowing this and being trapped, completely unable to help her was worse than any pain Iโ€™d experienced.
After 31 days of being completely locked-in, I started to regain slight movement in my left eyelid.

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A nurse noticed, and pulled my eyelid fully open โ€“ I could see!

โ€œLook left for yes and right for no,โ€ she instructed me, as she read through an alphabet board so I could spell out a message.
I desperately needed someone to help me go to the toilet, so I spelt out: bowels full.
Next day, Tamara visited. I was so happy to finally see her face and communicate with her
I love you more than anything, I spelt out to her.
Regaining movement in the rest of my body was a slow process.
โ€œWeโ€™ve never seen anyone with such a severe case before,โ€ doctors told me.
It took eight months until I could speak again with a speaking valve in my ventilator.
โ€œI love you,โ€ I told Tamara.

Christian in hospital but finally with his eyes open and managing a smile as his relieved wife Tamara kisses his forehead
My strong wife never gave up on me. (Image: Supplied)

When I left hospital in October 2020, I could only just shuffle from chair to chair.
Once again, positive thinking and the support of loved ones got me through.
Tamara and the kids brought me everything I needed for some home renovation projects to keep me busy.
By March 2021, I started walking with a frame.
Today, my feet are slower than they used to be, but Iโ€™ve come a long way and for that Iโ€™m very grateful.
My locked-in experience has given me a whole new perspective on life.

Christian and his family smile and they visit Luke's memorial - a silver cross in the middle of a rocky bed - in bushland.
Our family at my son Lukeโ€™s memorial. (Image: Supplied)
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I no longer fear death because I believe a higher power is looking after us.
In January 2022, my son, Luke, 20, tragically died after he hit his head and drowned in a swimming hole.
Losing that physical connection with him has been devastating but knowing heโ€™s in a better place has helped me.
I hope my story inspires people to never give up no matter what life throws at them.
Weโ€™re all more valued than we realise and stronger than we know.

Tamara McDonald, 50, says:
Christianโ€™s experience was very difficult on the whole family. I saw my big strong man deteriorating rapidly and I felt very alone. I cannot praise the staff at Cairns Base Hospital ICU highly enough, who gave Christian the very best care. We had some very difficult moments during Christianโ€™s recovery, but we worked through them and now our relationship is stronger than ever.

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