My daughter Tanya seemed absolutely smitten with her new boyfriend, Nick.
“He’s funny and good looking,” she gushed. “I’ll bring him over for dinner.”
When Tanya, then 19, was little, I’d split up with her dad. As my own marriage hadn’t worked out, it was even more important to me that Tanya find a loving man to take care of her. I really hoped Nick was as wonderful as she said he was.
The following week he came over to the house. He was shy at first, but as he tucked into the meal I’d made, he soon warmed up.
Before long, he was part of the family. He and Tanya got married and soon after that, they welcomed their first born son, Alecks, into the world.
As Nick held Alecks in his arms, tears streamed down his cheeks. “He’s perfect,” he whispered.
In that moment, I knew he’d be a wonderful dad.
“Nick is so hands on,” Tanya told me weeks later.
She said he was doing everything from changing nappies to getting up in the night to soothe their new bub.
They went on to have two daughters, Eva and Charlie. I felt so lucky to be blessed with three amazing grandchildren and was so proud of my daughter and her perfect little family.
Nick worked hard as an auto electrician and Tanya did the books for his business. On the weekends, they took the kids to theme parks or to the playground. They had a very happy life together.
Nick and Tanya on their wedding day
Then, one day, Tanya began complaining of stomach pains.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” she told me.
But they went on for months and over time they got worse. Eventually, she went to see her doctor, who referred her to a specialist.
After her appointment, Tanya phoned me.
“Mum, I don’t want to worry you,” she began. “But there’s a chance it might be cancer.”
My stomach lurched, but I tried my hardest not to worry while we were waiting for results. Tanya was so young and vibrant, it was almost impossible to believe there was anything wrong with her.
But when the results came back, they showed that Tanya had stomach cancer.
I cried and cried, but Tanya was so strong.
“Cancer, shmancer,” she joked.
But further tests revealed her prognosis was far worse than we’d imagined. The cancer was terminal. Chemo would only buy her a further six months.
I felt like the ground had fallen out from under me. Tanya was only 35, she was a wife and a mum, and should have had her whole life ahead of her. How could she be dying?
Nick was beside himself, but he tried to be strong for the kids. He bought a book about how to talk to the children about cancer.
“Mummy’s sick,” he told them gently. “But no matter what happens, she’ll always be with you. Even if you can’t see her.”
I went to stay with Tanya, Nick and the kids in Melbourne and was by her side while she had treatment. It was gruelling and torturous seeing her in so much pain.
In the end, she decided not to continue with it.
“I can’t do it anymore, Mum,” she choked.
Nick and I supported her decision. It was just too hard to see her in so much pain.
Susan and Tanya on Tanya’s wedding day
A few weeks later, I went to the airport. I needed to fly back to Sydney to grab some more of my things. While I was waiting to board, my phone rang.
“You need to come back,” Nick sobbed. “The doctor has just said Tanya only has two weeks to live.”
I sat all alone in the airport lounge and cried my heart out. I couldn’t comprehend it.
I raced back to be with Tanya.
Nick and I made sure the little ones were able to spend as much time with her as possible and gave them a chance to say goodbye.
But Eva was taking it so hard, she hadn’t been near her mum in days and wouldn’t come when she was called.
“I’m scared,” Eva said, hovering in the hospital room doorway.
“Go give Mummy a cuddle,” I urged. “She needs you.”
“It’s okay, Eva, you can’t catch cancer,” Alecks said.
Eventually, Eva crawled onto Tanya’s lap and we all cried together.
“I’ll always be here for you, Eva,” I said through my tears, “And I promise to get you both a birthday cake every year.”
Tanya was well enough to spend most of her time at home but as her health rapidly deteriorated, she was readmitted to hospital. I stayed by her side every day and night, holding her hand and talking to her.
One day, after dropping the kids off with a relative, I popped to my sister’s house, close to the hospital, for a shower and a bit of respite. I was standing on her verandah when my phone beeped with a text message from Nick.
Tanya has gone, it read.
I felt my legs buckle. I didn’t want to believe it. I showed my sister the message to check I’d read it right.
When I realised I had, it was the saddest moment of my life.
“At least she’s no longer in pain,” I sobbed. But it was the coldest comfort. I wanted my daughter here with me, happy and healthy.
The following days passed in a dreadful haze.
Less than a week after Tanya died it was Charlie’s second birthday. I could hardly focus, but Nick was amazing.
“I’ve got to make it a special day for her,” he said.
I don’t know how he managed to do it, but he planned a small party just for family. He bought presents and a cake, and we all managed to hold back our tears as we sang Happy Birthday.
I wish Tanya was here, I thought sadly.
I was so proud of Nick for the way he was holding things together. And he’s carried on that way ever since. He puts the kids first and has thrown himself into the role of playing mum as well as dad. He’s quit his job and sold his business so he could be a full-time parent to the kids. He has his hands full with Alecks’s footy, Eva’s dance classes and Charlie’s ballet.
Alecks, Nick, Charlie and Eva
Every morning, he gets Alecks and Eva ready for school while Charlie eats her breakfast.
He packs their lunches and makes sure they brush their teeth before leaving the house.
Their weekends are filled with trips to the park, fun games and at least one play date.
The children are his first priority and although I miss my beautiful Tanya, I couldn’t have hoped for a more incredible man to raise their children now that she’s gone.
Alecks, Charlie and Eva are delightful kids and an absolute credit to both Nick and Tanya.
They keep both of us strong. Nick inspires me to put them first and to keep going, and I know that’s what Tanya would have wanted.
