I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years and as much as I loved him, things did get a little stale and routine in our relationship. On top of that, I found that my partner Tom and I were starting to take less notice in each other and definitely neglecting to take the time to listen and communicate with each other. I felt we were slowly slipping away.
When I started my new job at a corporate office I hit it off instantly with a colleague named Matt. I didn’t think anything of it at first and considering he had a long-term, yet far-distance relationship, why would I? We just had so much fun joking around with each other. I felt we were very similar and connected with and understood each other.
Well, another year and half went by, nothing really changing in either relationship. Tom and I were still distant but cared for each other and Matt and I still remained nothing but work friends. But one day Matt came to work to announce that he would be leaving to go travelling and working overseas indefinitely. His family owned and operated a very successful business in the USA and the opportunity to help his family expand the business was too good to pass up. Surprisingly, I was very disappointed and saddened by the news. During the day Matt approached me and asked if I wanted to go to the movies with him for good time’s sake before he left. It was an innocent invite so I accepted.
We went to the movies and it turned out to be a fun and platonic night. During the next few weeks we continued to go to the movies once a week and I slowly but surely developed feelings for him, but I kept it a secret. The next week Matt told me that he was going to have a going away party at his place and it was going to be a big night that would probably eventuate into a slumber night with all his mates from work. He invited me to come and promised that it was going to be a good night. I was excited but hesitant. First off, I didn’t know what I was going to say to Tom. All the times Matt and I went to the movies, I told Tom I was going with my friends from work but a slumber party with drunken adults was sure to raise questions. Secondly, I knew that if I was to go to this party, something was bound to happen between Matt and me. While spending time with Matt over the last few weeks I was picking up vibes and signs that the feelings I was having were mutual.
The night of Matt’s going away party arrived and we were all in good spirits. The night was getting on and a lot of the people decided to leave. As I had had too many drinks driving wasn’t an option, so staying the night was. We retreated to the room and Matt settled on the air mattress next to the main bed. However, it wasn’t long before I asked Matt to join me on the bigger bed. I partly felt guilty for taking his bed but of course I had a second motive. Matt joined me and it wasn’t long until we were fooling around with each other. It was a pretty long night, without much sleep at all. The next morning I was afraid that things would become very strange between us but they weren’t; they were better than ever. The final week before Matt left, I spent basically every day with him. We carried on like a puppy love couple, courting and fussing over each other. We had secret rendezvous and went to little, unknown coffee shops to spend time with each other. I have to say I did feel very foolish and guilty for lying to Tom but at the same time I was so consumed by the feeling of young love. And as naïve, foolish and selfish as that sounds, that’s exactly what it felt like for me.
At the end of the week Matt left and I was devastated. Tom could tell something was wrong and noticed a dramatic change in my persona. I was very down and just blamed it on work stress. I know what Matt and I had was very unrealistic and irresponsible but I couldn’t help myself. As I said, I felt we shared a special bond from the start but now it was gone.
I was grateful for the time we had, nonetheless, and our lives had to move on. Matt went overseas, met up with his long-term partner and helped with the family business. I hear from him from time to time but even if I do see him again, it will only be as friends. I got over my little affair but I thought a lot about it after the first few months Matt was gone. I still do now sometimes. I never told anyone about what happened. It’s just a distant memory now that, as much as I feel guilty about it, I am thankful for also.
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