My lie

I was 16 and had fallen pregnant to a guy who I thought would support and love me forever — he didn’t and left when I was eight months pregnant. After being a single mother for a long time, I found a beautiful guy who was not only loving to me but also to my son.

After being together for over a year, we had many fights. I think it was mainly my fault. I guess I must have been getting some revenge on men; I wasn’t sure I could trust him after my previous relationship. After one too many of my tantrums, he left.

After about a month, I was still sad and pining for him. I decided that I needed to do all I could to get him back. I rang him one day, using some CDs as an excuse, and acted sad and withdrawn. Being such a caring guy, he questioned me as to what was wrong. I told him that I couldn’t tell him. Eventually he got it out of me; I told him that I had been pregnant to him but had suffered a miscarriage. This wasn’t true but I needed to find a way to win him back, even if it was through guilt. He said it saddened him and he felt awful.

However, he still didn’t show any signs of coming back to me. So I called him again and arranged a time to go to his house to drop the CDs off. Once in his company I again put on a sad act. I told him that I was really upset by what had happened and that I was even seeing a counsellor. He felt awful and shortly after invited me out to dinner. That night I seduced my way back into his arms.

We stayed together for another year and because of our friends I had to keep up my act of having a miscarriage for the whole time — I guess I will have to forever. After a while the guilt got to me, especially when he began talking about “what could have been…” so I broke it off with him. Today, it’s two years on and I still really miss him. He might have been my soulmate but now because of my terrible lie I will never know.