I hate to say this, but I’m sick of the atmosphere at home which is mainly caused by the kids not getting on. You name it, they’ll bicker over it.
It isn’t helped by my wife and I disagreeing over the best way to discipline them – she shouts and I prefer to ground them or send them to their rooms.
I love my kids but I’m sick of them. They argue over anything and are always pushing and shoving each other, fighting over toys and whining about everything, from washing their hands before meals to helping to tidy up.
Last week I had to go away for work and spent four nights in a lonely boring hotel room and it was absolute bliss – I’d forgotten how nice it is just not to have that constant racket. I know I sound very uncaring but I’d give anything to have the sort of peaceful family life everyone else seems to have.
One of the problems is that while the way you work means you share the child care, it also leaves you very little time as a couple, made worse by the constant breaking up of spats.
Organise a babysitter and go out together, giving yourselves thirty minutes to discuss sorting out this situation and the rest to relaxing and enjoying yourselves.
Kids by nature love to divide and rule, so agree on how you’re going to deal with this and then stick with it, because they will try to wear you down. You’re in a vicious circle at present where they have got into bad habits and they way you deal with it is disjointed and therefore ineffective.
Agree between yourselves that shouting isn’t the way to deal with this in the long term.
Start with a family conference and explain that you want some changes. Tell the children what you expect of them, make it clear that you’re asking them politely but emphasise that if they will not behave as you wish, then they will be punished.
You need to calmly withdraw treats so decide what is most effective – turning off the TV and computer, taking away games consoles and mobile phones, not allowing them to take part in favourite activities such as Brownies or sport, or not letting them see friends.
Not allowing them to spend time with friends if they cannot treat each other kindly can be very effective, especially if you express justifiable concern that you cannot trust them to behave in other people’s homes when they cannot behave at home.
Positive encouragement should be used at the same time; ask them to do things for you and thank them politely for their efforts.
Give them a basic dinner to prepare for the family on a Saturday evening such as homemade pizza, which has them working together and learning to enjoy being a team. Give them specific tasks, so they can work alongside each other.
Always be consistent. Treat the bad behaviour as unacceptable and having unwelcome consequences and reward the good, always giving more attention to the good.
Every family has the occasional moment of war breaking out but with a bit of concentrated effort you can make a huge difference to family harmony and actually find you like your kids as well as love them.
Picture posed by models.
Your say: Have you experienced a similar problem? How did you deal with it? Tell us your story below…
Related stories
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
