I was 21 years old and a happy young woman. I had a dream job at a television station and great friends and family. I had previously had several boyfriends and flings, but nothing that was serious and that was the way I liked it.
However, one night I was at the pub with some friends from work when across the room I saw the most gorgeous guy; he was tanned, fair-haired and had the most beautiful blue-green eyes I had ever seen. But one of my friends, Sam, saw him first and was already walking over to him. His name was Matt and they ended up together that night as I knew they would and I thought that would be the last of it.
Three weeks later she was still with Matt and happier than ever and, the next thing I knew, I was being set up with his brother Jake. We went to dinner but all night all I could think of was how great Matt and I would be together — he was hilarious at times and at others he would talk so intensely about something, and his blue green eyes would sparkle. But I told myself he was Sam’s man and there was nothing I could do about it. So I settled for Jake, he was as close as I could get to Matt.
The four of us soon became inseparable. We would always be heading off to clubs and dinners together. I knew I didn’t feel the same way about Jake as I did for his brother. I tried to see the good in him. He was sweet and kind and I tried to tell myself that was good enough. But it didn’t work. I was falling deeper in love with Matt. Every now and then I would see him looking at me and I almost thought he felt the same, but I assured myself it was just my imagination. I’m not one for false hope.
After some time, the four of us planned a trip away together. I was ready for a relaxing time and so was Matt, but Jake and Sam wanted to go on some sort of adventure trail, which would mean they would have to stay at a cabin all night. I made some joke about the two of them behaving, but I was more worried about being alone with Matt all day and night. In all the time I had been in love with him, I had rarely spent longer than half an hour alone with him.
I was nervous, but told myself it didn’t matter as Matt was devoted to Sam. We decided to head for the outdoor spa. It sounds foolish I know, but I was possibly hoping for the inevitable. There were no other guests there and we took some champagne and strawberries out — strawberries Matt said he was saving for him and Sam.
We had a bottle and a half between us and couldn’t stop giggling. Somehow we got on the topic of Sam and I made a comment about them getting married. There was no more giggling. Matt turned serious and said, “I could never marry her”. That shocked me, and he could see it in my face. He said, “I am in love with someone else.” I asked who, and he leaned forward and kissed me. Although I was tipsy, the moment became clear and I’ll remember the feeling for the rest of my life.
Matt explained that at first he did love Sam, but after spending so much time with the four of us his feelings for me grew and he realised it was me he wanted. He thought Jake and I were happy and didn’t want to spoil it, just as I didn’t with him and Sam. I couldn’t stop it. It was what I always wanted. We went back to the room and made love all night. I didn’t feel guilty, though I probably should have. I knew it would hurt Jake if he found out, but I gave into lust and loved every minute of it.
That morning we discussed what we would do about Jake and Sam. We decided we had to break up with them but we would have to wait a while before we started things up officially as they would be very hurt by it.
Sam and Jake came home in the afternoon and I thought it would be so hard to keep it from them; we acted as normal as possible. Sam had a strange look on her face and I thought for sure she had figured it out. I avoided her for a while but she eventually cornered me in the kitchen. I braced myself and she just blurted out, “I think I’m pregnant.” I couldn’t help it, I burst into tears. Sam thought I was happy for her, I pretended I was. I needed time to think. When she told Matt at dinner the next night I saw it in his eyes; we both felt the same sadness at our untimely separation. I knew then we could never be together.
Three months later Sam and Matt were married. I broke it off with Jake soon after the announcement; I couldn’t really explain why, and I think he has yet to get over it. I was offered a job at a TV station in another state. I accepted because I couldn’t bear to be around Matt anymore.
Sam begged me to return, she wanted me to be a part of everything, but I couldn’t. I don’t know how happy their marriage is. I ruined things for her and Matt, and I ruined things for Sam and myself. I lost a best friend and the love of my life in one rash moment. Of course I think about the night Matt and I shared, but I have to put it behind me. If not for Sam and Matt, then for my goddaughter.
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