I’m not having an affair but it’s more than a friendship. My husband and I have been friendly with another couple for about five years but a year ago the man started to work at my company and we have great fun together. Not during work because that would cause problems, but a couple of times a week we have a sandwich together and we take it in turns to drive to and from work.
My husband isn’t the least bit bothered about this but his wife is quite a jealous person and now when we’re all out together she makes digs about us spending so much time together.
Later this year we go away for a three night conference and she’s already started moaning about it, so I asked my husband if he wanted to come although partners aren’t really expected to join us. He said he couldn’t think of anything more boring and said I should stop pandering to her – that if they had any issues it was up to them to sort out.
He’s right and there’s no way we would have an affair but I talk to this man the way I talk to my sister. We’re very close and we even discuss sex which might sound a bit strange but there’s nothing in it.
I mean, I think we’re both attracted to each other because we discussed it once and agreed that if we’d met when we were single things would be different, but we are both happily married so we’ve put that behind us and just enjoy being friends.
The only annoying thing is his wife because I really think she could cause problems – she’s started going on at him to apply for other jobs.
Your husband sounds very calm and confident, maybe because he senses that even if you and this man find each other attractive you have no intention of doing anything about it. If your friend tells his wife that you discuss sexual issues or that he finds you attractive that could be why she reacts like this.
However, it isn’t your problem other than how her jealousy could impact on your friendship and she will have a fair amount of influence, so you might want to consider reassuring her to some extent. Perhaps you could nurture a separate friendship with her, so she learns to like and trust you more and realises that you’re not a threat.
Ultimately, it’s up to your friend how he responds to her jealousy though you acting totally normally around her should help.
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