“Back when I was a kid I would relish the opportunity to have a friend over to play.
We had a nice house in the suburbs of Sydney, an impressive lagoon-style pool and as many play station games you could think of.
Yet, I could probably count on my hands the times my siblings and I had friends over.
The reason was simple and disturbing.
Our family hid a troubling secret.
To the outside world, we were a middle class happy and ‘normal’ family, yet within the walls of our home, verbal and sometimes physical domestic violence was a daily struggle for my mother, siblings and I.
I rarely discuss my childhood.
There were plenty of happy memories, but there are plenty of unhappy ones too.
All of my family have moved on. My parents have divorced and have new partners.
My siblings are successful in the corporate world and have partners of their own.
We’ve grown up and dealt with many of the challenges that came with living with a violent father as children.
But last night I was taken back to a place of distress and terror.
Watching Channel 9’s 60 Minutes, I sat in awe of five unbelievably brave children.
They are the five Brisbane children who managed to disarm their father of a shotgun in a heroic effort to save their mother’s life.
Their detailed account of the horror they faced on April 11 last year tugged at my heart strings.
If you missed it, Rachael Moore’s ex-partner, Daryl Fields, stormed into the home on that night and shot her twice in the arm.
But what’s more disturbing is that her five children, aged between 14 and two, were eyewitnesses.
They watched it happen.
They watched their father, heavily intoxicated, walk in and shoot their mother point-blank in a bedroom they were hiding in.
But instead of being paralysed by fear and grief, the children managed to punch their father and help their mum to safety.
It dawned on me as I watched those children sitting on the couch wiping away tears recounting their traumatic experience to reporter Tara Brown that this could very well have been my siblings and I.
My father never shot my mother.
Nor did he ever try to.
He didn’t have a drug or alcohol problem.
But there were times I certainly thought he might come home from work with a gun or a perhaps use a kitchen knife to take us all out.
I have always been known as the ‘tough one’ in the family.
The one who refuses to cry after watching a sad film.
The one who is called upon to deliver the eulogy when a close relative dies.
And so, even as a young girl, I thought it was my duty to spring into action if the occasion called for it.
I actually played out in my mind what I would do in that situation in case it happened.
If my father was trying to murder my mother or siblings, could I find the strength to punch him, restrain him and possibly kill him with the weapon?
There were a few close calls and I even once told my mother about my plan.
You are probably wondering how a young teenage girl, would even entertain the idea of killing her own father.
It’s confronting and disturbing.
Now that I look back on it, I often struggle to understand how I could contemplate such a thing too.
But this is what happens when you’re living in fear each day.
Rationality doesn’t exist.
You cannot escape it. This becomes the ‘norm’.
The emotions I felt growing up are still imprinted in my mind.
I think back to the little girl that sat behind her bedroom door with a fully-grown man raging outside.
In that moment my death seemed very real. It doesn’t feel like it’s your father outside but an intruder.
Rachael’s eldest child, Jayden, 14, said his father had been a good dad up until that point.
And to be honest, it was often the same for my siblings.
My dad would often go out of his way to help us in many ways, yet his good actions would be completely undone with one of his raging episodes that could start from the most minor things – a plate not washed up, leaving the front door open or even a storm that caused debris to fall into that perfect pool of ours.
We would consider ourselves lucky to go by a week without a verbal and/or physical encounter. We now all realise this was never a ‘normal’ way to live. Domestic violence – in any form – is a crime.
I’m a grateful that my family and I made it out of our situation alive and without injury because sadly that is not the case for many women.
There have been 63 women killed by family violence in Australia this year.
But let’s not forget about the younger generation who are caught up in the domestic violence epidemic.
One in four children are exposed to domestic violence in this country.
So many innocent young people left without a parent or a home or with the emotional scars that abuse leaves behind.
My message to Rachael Moore’s children is that you’re not alone and it does get better.
There’s no doubt there will be tough times ahead.
How do you get over seeing your mother almost die?
How do you get over seeing your father – the man who is responsible for protecting you – try and kill your mother?
These are questions no one can really answer for you.
To all the children, who are survivors of domestic violence, it’s up to us to ensure the next generation doesn’t endure the pain and heartache that we did.”
Let’s join together to end the suffering. #stopviolenceagainstwomen.
If you are in trouble please call 000 for help.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)
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