I never took my wedding and engagement rings off; not to wash the dishes or do the gardening or even when putting on hand cream. The first and only time I did remove them was to sell them last year. I haven’t seen them since.
It was the most devastating thing I’ve ever done but I had to do it. I desperately needed the money to pay off my mounting gambling debts. It started when I went out with friends to a venue with poker machines. After a few drinks, we all tried our luck. I’d never even used one before that night, but I was hooked. The flashing lights, the music, the excitement of waiting to see what came up, it all sucked me in.
I didn’t think I had a problem, not even when I returned a week later and the week after that. Soon it became every day and I was lying to my family about where I was going. They all thought I volunteered at the local hospital but in fact I was wasting our grocery money on poker machines. I couldn’t stop.
I won a few times, but mostly I lost. I thought I could win back the money but I got deeper and deeper into debt. The grocery money was no longer enough. I started to look around the house for things to sell for quick cash. Most of our things would be missed by the family but my jewellery was my own. If I replaced them with fakes, no one would know. And when I won some money I could buy them back. I always thought I would win enough.
I sold my late grandmother’s wedding ring, my own wedding ring and engagement ring to a jeweller on the other side of town where my family would never see them for sale in the window. He also made exact replicas with imitation stones.
The first thing I did after I got the money was go to my local pokie venue. I lost it all. Every cent. I was devastated. How could I buy my rings back? And where would I get more money to feed my gambling habit?
For a week, I panicked that my husband would look at my ring finger and know I wore fakes. Jake is a wonderful, caring man and hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do. It would tear our marriage apart if he found out the truth. The symbol behind the rings meant a lot to him.
I knew then that I had a problem. I called the gambling helpline for advice and began seeing a counsellor. Unfortunately, I had no way of buying back my rings. I didn’t even know if the jeweller still had them or had sold them. And every day I worried that my husband would discover my secret. So I did the only thing I knew that would get me enough money to buy them back — I started gambling again. This time I stole cash right out of his wallet. He didn’t seem to notice.
About a week later, my fake rings went missing. Unlike my real ones, I took the fakes off because they itched if I wore them too long. I searched the house but they were gone. Then I remembered our anniversary was coming up and something horrible occurred to me. What if Jake was getting them cleaned and valued as a surprise present? He always said he would do it one day. If that were the case, then my secret would be discovered!
I had nightmares about Jake confronting me. Every evening when he arrived home from work, I worried that day would be the beginning of the end for us. I felt like my life was over. How could I explain to him? I couldn’t even look him in the eye.
On our anniversary, he seemed his usual self when he handed me a box. Apprehensive, I opened it. Inside was a gold watch “to match your other jewellery”. It was beautiful and expensive. He went to put it on me then noticed I didn’t wear my rings. My heart stopped, then I tried frantically to think of an excuse. He must have seen the panic in my eyes because he laughed and hugged me. “Don’t worry,” he said, “you haven’t lost them.” He walked over to the dresser and opened my jewellery box. He handed me the two fake rings, saying he’d found them in the bathroom drain a few days earlier when he unblocked it. He’d put them back where he thought I’d see them but I hadn’t looked there since I’d lost them.
As he told me he loved me, I should have felt relieved and happy, but I didn’t. I felt awful that I was still lying. He didn’t deserve me. That night, I came to a conclusion. I had to get my rings back. But I had to stop gambling first.
I haven’t been to the pokies since. I now work in a full-time job and every pay cheque I receive is set aside. When I have enough money I’ll go to the jeweller and buy my rings back. I just hope I can keep lying to Jake in the meantime.
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