When those little voices inside your head tell you what you’re doing is wrong, you’d think you would listen to them.
Your conscience is obviously trying to tell you something for a reason, so why is it we choose to ignore these voices?
Being 23 and in love, I had followed my boyfriend Zack to Europe as he pursued his dream of becoming a successful soccer player.
This had been his lifelong goal from the moment he could walk. I’d given up everything to go with him overseas because this dream meant the world to him, and he meant the world to me.
Zack and I had been away almost for two years and he hadn’t had any offers in that time. I was homesick and didn’t want to spend my life moving from country to country as he chased his dreams all over Europe.
I wanted stability and to start building a life for ourselves back home. There was a large part of me that hoped Zack wouldn’t succeed and I hated myself for having those thoughts, but I was exhausted. Zack wasn’t bringing in much money as we were constantly packing up and moving to the next country that offered him a trial.
At last, he had a trial with a soccer team in Italy. It wasn’t one of the best clubs, but it would be a great opportunity. If he was made an offer, Zack said, he would take it.
I knew enough about soccer by then to know, if he was accepted, Zack’s offer from the Italian club would come by mail. I waited anxiously at home every day until the envelope finally arrived. Inside was an offer that would see Zack play soccer in Italy for the next three years in a lower grade.
Three more years before we could go home; three more years before we could really focus on us; three more years overseas, chasing the dream.
I just couldn’t do it any more.
There was an option on the letter to accept or decline the offer. Without even thinking, I began typing a letter to the club declining the offer. I forged Zack’s signature and posted it to the club.
I couldn’t believe what I was doing, but I just couldn’t stop myself.
I told Zack that no offer had arrived and that obviously it wasn’t meant to be. He was heartbroken, but tried not to show it. He pretended it didn’t matter and he said it was time to go home.
Zack and I returned home to Australia within a month, and he proposed to me soon after. I contemplated telling him the truth about Italy before the wedding, but then thought twice about it. I was afraid of what his reaction would be.
I do believe I did the right thing – just look at the Beckhams! Who’d want to be a soccer player’s wife? Besides, I figured I deserved to put my future first for once.
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