I must first tell you about my history of infertility, which consumed my thirties and ultimately destroyed my marriage.
I married a marvellous man when I was 29 and moved overseas to live with him as he had his own very successful business in Europe. For seven long years we tried everything to have a child, culminating in four IVF attempts over a period of two years. When number four did not work I simply gave up — my mind simply refused to contemplate doing it again. Ultimately this destroyed our relationship as he wanted to keep on going — money was no object but physically and emotionally I had had it.
We separated and for three years I went completely and utterly mad. I worked for an airline and the opportunities to meet men were endless … and boy, did I take advantage of that.
At the age of 41 I was beginning to get very homesick and decided to return to Australia.
Our life plans change as we get older and mine changed irrevocably when a routine blood test to determine thyroid levels confirmed pregnancy at age 41 and a bit … not only was I pregnant, I was 12 weeks pregnant! It was not until I heard my baby’s heartbeat at a hastily arranged scan that I truly believed my own personal miracle had occurred.
Within two weeks I was on a plane bound for home. The downside to my being able to have a child was the fact that I had, and still have, no idea who the father is. I worked out that I was seeing three different people in the space of three weeks around the time of possible conception. I have elected to tell none of these men about my child and hope and pray that I have done the right thing by my son, who is now an adorable four year old who loves his mummy and Thomas the Tank Engine in equal measure!
My son will no doubt ask many difficult questions. I just hope I have the words and commonsense to deal with whatever he throws at me. The temptation to lie to him is strong but I hope that the grounding I have given him and will continue to give him will be enough to make him understand and not hate me for denying him a father. I am not egotistical enough to believe that I am going to be all things to him — I just want to do the best I can. Isn’t that all parents can do?
Image: Getty. Picture posed by models.
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