I met Matt about six months after I had fled Adelaide. When we were introduced, I was still giddy with the excitement of leaving my past behind to begin a brand new life. I loved his bright, cheeky smile and blue eyes, but it was his manner that impressed me the most. He was sweet, charming and one of the kindest people I had ever met.
I couldn’t believe my luck when we started going out. He treated me as though I were a princess, and I was constantly pinching myself that this wonderful man could be interested in someone like me, when he could quite clearly have anyone. I fell wholeheartedly in love with Matt and cherished every single second we spent together.
Life was perfect … except for one thing. Matt had no idea who I really was — he didn’t even know my real name. He knew me as carefree “Jessica”, who had moved from Perth to Melbourne for business reasons. What he didn’t know was that my name was really Sarah and I had been born and raised in Adelaide by an abusive father.
My life had been a daily nightmare and I prayed every single night for as long as I could remember that one day I would escape my life forever. After every beating, I used to plan my future life and what it would be like to be free. I don’t know how I stayed so long and tolerated the abuse. It just seemed like my father had taken away every strip of courage from me.
I could not have left without my great friend and confidant, Lucy. Instead of driving me home one night, she drove me to the airport. I was terrified and almost couldn’t go through with it, knowing that I would be leaving with only the clothes on my back, but I was also brimming with pure excitement. This was my chance. My chance to change my life forever. To stop living in fear. So I left.
I had no luggage yet wanted it that way. I wanted nothing to remind me of who I used to be. I cut and dyed my hair, changed my name and even used colour contacts. I fabricated my life story and used this whenever anyone asked me about my past. I slid almost effortlessly into my new life and became happier than I had ever thought that I could possibly be. I was free and life was finally good.
Matt knows none of this and I intend to keep it that way. I feel guilty about lying to him when he is such a sincere and honest person but I just don’t want to remember or admit my past — it’s too painful to even think about.
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