When my daughter was 19 she met a charming guy named Jeff. He took her out every Friday night and spoke to her on the telephone every other day. They spent hours on the phone because he lived too far away to just drop in. She was glowing with happiness. She said he was “the one” and told me she had lost her virginity to him. She spoke of marriage and kids. We all liked Jeff and should have been happy for Emily. But I wasn’t. I was worried for them. He was wonderful in every way … except he wasn’t Australian.
My good friend at school had an immigrant father and I knew how difficult it was for her growing up with racist taunts and snide comments. I didn’t want my future grandchildren to be subjected to the same cruel treatment. I didn’t want my daughter and her family to be sneered at in a racist world.
Then one night when he rang while Emily was not at home I told him that she was out with another guy and that she didn’t want to hear from him again. He sounded shocked and upset but I figured he’d get over it. I was doing them a favour. So I convinced myself.
When Emily asked if Jeff had called, I said he hadn’t. “Oh well,” she said. “I’ll see him on Friday anyway.”
But he didn’t turn up. And he didn’t call. And after a few days Emily realised he wasn’t going to. But she was too proud to ring him, especially with me saying, “It’s up to the man, don’t you do the chasing.”
Emily closed herself off from the world for over six months. I tried to persuade her to go out with her friends but she wouldn’t leave the house. She didn’t eat properly and lost too much weight. I worried about what I’d done.
When she did finally go out one night, I was thrilled. She met and married the first guy that came along and even I was blind to his faults. Peter wasn’t half the man Jeff was and they divorced after a few years.
My grandchild didn’t have to cope with a racist world. She had to survive a messy divorce. Counsellors helped. They did what they could with a fragile six-year-old. She is 17 now and still badly affected.
I’m sorry I interfered now. The world is a constantly changing place, a more accepting place. Emily and Jeff would have been perfect together.
But I can never divulge to her what I did.
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