To my 14 year old self,
Emma, I see you, but you’re not really you. This version of you may feel powerful, but it’s not real.
I’m sorry you don’t see it yet but being kind is so, so much better than feeling popular and powerful.
Look around and into the eyes of the people you are hurting.
Those girls you are excluding, cutting down with those harsh words. The anger you hold inside is not directed at them.
You need to stop, one day you will regret those words.
I wish I could make you see that the sadness and fear you see in your parents’ eyes is not disappointment in you. It’s the feeling they are losing you. Your brother needs you, and your kindness, too.
But I know where it starts Emma. I see you looking in that mirror; all that self-hate and anger directed at yourself. I wish you could see that all it takes is a change of perception. That anger in the mirror is learnt and doesn’t need to cause so much hurt.
I wish you could feel it now. All the love that you have around you. I wish you could take it into your heart and not be so afraid to be alone. For you will never be alone.
The anger you hold inside is not going to be there forever. One day your job will be helping others to release their own pain. You will feel joy and peace and love.
Anger will just be an emotion.
Repeat after me, I am loved, I am beautiful. Please stop hurting yourself and please, please stop using that anger as a weapon.
Love your 27-year-old self,
Emma Sternberg