“I’ll never forget saying goodbye to my husband for the very first time.”
“Graeme was a technician in the British Army and we met while in my hometown in Northern Ireland,” Sarah Kelly explains.
“We dated for three years before we got married. Then we moved to England to live in military housing with other defence families.
Four months after moving, Graeme was sent overseas for six months.
“It was a huge shock,” the 49-year-old who now lives in Darwin said.
“Though I had the support of my sisters and Mum back in Ireland, it was hard being alone.
“I started a full-time office job to keep me busy.
“When Graeme returned home, I was so happy to have him back. But I quickly realised that this was the life I would need to get used to.
“I’m sure it’ll get easier over time, I thought.
Sarah and Graeme at a ball on base.
“Unfortunately it didn’t.
“When I gave birth to our son Lewis, Graeme was around for the first few months but was then called back on deployment.
“I was able to stay with my mum and have her come down and help but it was hard not having my husband there.
“‘He’s missing seeing Lewis grow up,’ I told Mum.
“I would often sit up at night worrying about Graeme if he was in Iraq or Afghanistan.
“One night we were talking on the phone when it suddenly cut out. A million thoughts ran through my head. Had they been bombed? Was my husband dead?
“I tried my hardest to stay calm but I was out of my mind with worry for 24 hours, until Graeme made contact again.
“I lost signal,” he told me, as my whole body went limp with relief.
“We had a second son, Jaydon, and relocated to Darwin a few years later. Then Graeme joined the Australian Defence Force as he couldn’t continue to work in the British Army after the age of 40.
“The boys love it here and, being a bit older, they’re able to understand why their father isn’t always around.
“Graeme and I have now been married for 21 years. All I can say is that it doesn’t get much easier over time. I couldn’t do it without the support of the other wives on the base.
Me with Jaydon (middle) and Lewis.
“I made friends and they became my support system”
“When I first met my husband, Damien, I was smitten,” Lucy Cahill gushed.
“He was in the navy and was living on a military base in Sydney. I didn’t think it would have much effect on our relationship because he was always around.
“But three years later, not long after we married, he was posted to Darwin’s military base. It was a shock but I was happy to move for his sake.
“A few weeks after we moved, Damien was called up to go on a three-month training course to Melbourne.
“It all happened so fast – he had to pack up and leave within a few days.
“Saying goodbye at the airport was heartbreaking, but I had married a sailor and this was part of the job.
“Being in a new town and not knowing anyone, I threw myself into full-time work and keeping busy became my way of coping.
“Fortunately, there were lots of other women like me on the base. I made friends and they became my support system.
Lucy and Damien.
“When Damien and I had our son Lincoln, I was able to join the mothers’ group on the base.
“Damien and I now have four children and have faced many challenges.
“Our daughter Audrey was only two months old when Damien was deployed for six more months. And when I went into labour five weeks early with our youngest daughter, Evelyn, Damien was at sea on an eight-week journey. Luckily, he made it back just in time for her birth.
“The kids are used to their dad being away, and while they miss him, they’ve never known any different.
“We’ve had to move around a bit for Damien’s work, but for now we’re back in Darwin.
“Sometimes life is tough, but I love my husband and I wouldn’t change a thing.
“Although he is in the military, he isn’t in a warzone at the moment so, thankfully, I don’t have to worry about his safety as much.
Our four kids.
Hayley Bowman, 33, from Darwin, NT, shares her story:
“When my boyfriend Mitch joined the army, he was thrilled.
“’I’ve finally found my calling in life,’ he said, beaming.
“We’d been together for three years and I was so happy he was going to be a rifleman.
“We’d barely spent more than one night apart so when he was first sent away for six weeks of training, I missed him like crazy. It wasn’t long until he was off again for three more months of training.
“When he returned home, we only had five nights together before he was sent on deployment for four months.
When he came home again, there was unexpected news.
“’I’ve been posted to Darwin,’ he told me excitedly. ‘We’ll get to live on the base.’
“I knew it would be a big change, but I’d always told Mitch I’d support his career no matter what.
Me and Mitch.
“So I left my hospitality management role and we packed up and moved.
“At first, I hated it as it was so hot and humid. But there was a cafe and leisure centre so I got to know some of the other military wives. There was a real sense of community, which I loved.
“I got myself a job in the city, which helped me meet more people and have a routine.
“Not long after we moved, we got married and I fell pregnant with our son Xavier. Thankfully, there was a mothers’ group on base so I didn’t feel so alone.
“Mitch was given a seven-month deployment to Iraq when Xavier was three-and-a-half months old.
“Unless you’ve been through it, it’s impossible to understand what it’s like to constantly dread the phone call that so many military wives receive.
“Even though Mitch wasn’t with us, he was able to watch Xavier grow up over video chat and photos I sent him.
“He recently returned home and I had to teach him how to care for Xavier.
“While there are challenges to being married to a soldier, our love is strong and can overcome anything.
Our son Xavier.
