A paedophile – who has never acted on his sexual urges – has spoken publicly about his battle, writing an essay published by Salon.com. on Monday.
Todd Nickerson wrote the essay, titled ‘I’m a paedophile, but not a monster’, in the hope to raise awareness and consequently a more common understanding about the difference between paedophiles and child molesters.
“I’ve been stuck with the most unfortunate of sexual orientations, a preference for a group of people who are legally, morally and psychologically unable to reciprocate my feelings and desires. It’s a curse of the first order, a completely unworkable sexuality, and it’s mine. Who am I? Nice to meet you. My name is Todd Nickerson, and I’m a paedophile.
“Yet, I’m not the monster you think me to be. I’ve never touched a child sexually in my life and never will, nor do I use child pornography.”
Nickerson reveals he was sexually abused at the age of seven and first noticed his unwanted sexual desires at the age of twelve.
Are the two connected? Nickerson debates this. And while researchers have weighed in on both nature and nurture, Nickerson doesn’t believe they are necessarily mutually exclusive.
“I think it’s safe to say that many paedophiles have deep-seated feelings of inferiority in one way or another, or at least we did when our sexuality was forming, and this becomes a downward spiral during puberty and beyond. Anything can be the trigger of this: disabilities, weight issues, or just general feelings of unattractiveness to peers,” Nickerson writes.
“Indeed, the taboo itself can negatively influence these vulnerable children.
“For that reason, the nature or nurture question with respect to sexual preference is ultimately irrelevant—it becomes all but hardwired soon enough, until it’s all you know. And it’s self-reinforcing, no matter how much you wish to dig it out. Eventually it all tangles together with the rest of who you are.”
Read The Weekly’s full investigation into paedophilia here.
