Look, women have made a lot of giant leaps towards equality over time. We now vote, we go to university, we work – but there’s a glaring disparity which we can no longer ignore.
That, my friends, is our inability to swim in the ocean when we have a period because we will be bitten by a shark while men are free to frolic in the waves all year round.
This phenomenon is taking the world by storm. Surely you, or someone you know, have been victim to the sharp teeth of the ocean’s apex predator at least once.
How do we know this? Because surfing legend Laird Hamilton revealed to TMZ facts so advanced that even science hasn’t caught up yet.
“The biggest, most common reason to be bitten is a woman with her period, which people don’t even think about that,” he said, in his best impersonation of Squirt from Finding Nemo.
The biggest, most common reason.
Interesting.
“Obviously if a woman has her period there’s a certain amount of blood in the water,” he continued.
Obviously.
All I can say is thank goodness for Hamilton’s expertise. We’ve been fed all this #fakenews about how little women are attacked by sharks for far too long.
Factual reports have been telling us that for every 100 shark attacks, just over six will be women.
Data has led us to believe that since 1941, of the 1132 recorded shark attacks in Australia only 64 involved women. There were 100 reports that didn’t name the victim’s gender, but even if every single one of them were women, that would still pale in comparison to the 968 males involved in shark attacks.
John West, the curator of the Australian Shark Attack File at Taronga Zoo, told Fairfax that’s “probably because men are more likely to do stupid things.”
But do not fear because Hamilton has revealed what no scientist has been brave enough to divulge.
So please ignore the reports and stay out of the water when you’re menstruating, ladies.
As Hamilton says: “It’s kind of like running around with a lightning rod and then wondering why you got struck by lightning.”
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