There has been a sex scandal at Trinity Grammar, an exclusive Sydney private school, that has left parents and teachers reeling.
Six Year 1 boys – six year olds- were found undressing, fondling and licking one another in an out-of-bounds school bathroom. It subsequently emerged that the same sexualised behaviour had occurred outside of school hours too.
Parents are up in arms, which is absolutely understandable. This behaviour is deeply concerning.
This highly sexualised behaviour is shocking in children so young, and I would be horrified if it was my children involved but I also believe that how this matter is handled may contribute to their attitude towards their sexuality for the rest of their lives.
Should they be treated as victims of sexual crime or taught about appropriate conduct and keeping your privates to yourself? Reports suggest the boys were there of their own volition. One boy instigated it but this was not forced upon them.
Incidents such as this could be confusing and even frightening for a child, but when does sexual curiosity in children become sexual assault? I am loathe to downplay this incident, but in turn we must be cautious not to overplay for fear of creating black and white victims in a situation that needs to be handled with delicate grey gloves.
Does this six-year-old boy deserve punishment? Or does he deserve help?
I was a highly sexual kid. From about the age of eight I was less interested in Barbie and considerably more intrigued by doctors and nurses. I can remember exploring my friends’ secrets body-parts, always with their consent, but I was often the instigator of games that involved what would surely be deemed age inappropriate sexual acts.
I wasn’t looking for an end game, I didn’t even know there was one at that stage but I was curious about these strange smelling, funny looking body parts that gave even stranger sensations when touched in certain ways. I played my clandestine games with older kids and younger. I would look, touch and sometimes lick their bodies, and they would do it to me in return.
I never forced anyone I probably just said something as suggestive as –
“Do you wanna?”
Was I sexually assaulting these children – my peers? Was I causing trauma and life-lasting anguish with the suggestion that we look and touch and explore each in the darkness under my bed, or in my closet during a game of hide and seek?
I honestly don’t know the answer but I do know that I was not a malicious sexual deviant.
I was sexually assaulted at the age of about eight by a family friend. The minutiae of that one-off encounter are not as important to this story as how it made me feel. I knew I didn’t like this grown-up touching me this way, it made me feel uncomfortable, but what was weirder was that what he was doing created a sensation in my young body.
A sensation that I didn’t entirely dislike.
Then, shortly after that incident I observed my babysitter watching porn, and to a young mind pornography looked impressively wacky but ultimately fascinating. A curiosity about sex was ignited in me early through no fault of my own. I was just a kid.
Would I have deserved punishment if I was caught re-enacting things I’d seen or experienced?
Perhaps the biggest issue for me when reading about the Trinity Grammar story is the fact that the boys were unsupervised for long enough for this to occur on multiple occasions.
This is a very relevant concern for parents who entrust their kids to schools, but the sad truth is, teachers will not always be able to watch everyone all the time.
And sneaky kids being sneaky have a way of being difficult to spot.
I hope these boys receive the support and care they need after this incident, and I hope they grow up to be healthy and well-adjusted members of sexual society.
You might be wondering if I grew up to have unusual sexual habits after my wayward prepubescent sexual proclivities. Not particularly. I’m still curious and open minded about human sexuality, which is often evident in the subjects I choose to write about, but for the most part I’m fairly meat and potatoes.
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