How would you feel if your husband spent two months of the year sleeping in the same bed as his sister?
Would your opinion change if she had Down syndrome, and regarded him as some kind of superhero?
Brian Donovan, whose younger sister, Kelly, has Down syndrome, has generated a storm of controversy after telling Time magazine that he had agreed to put some distance between himself and his sibling, at the request of his new wife.
Brian’s essay, on the Time magazine website, says that he sees himself as a ‘superhero’ for Kelly because he’s previously had to protect her from bullies.
They were tight as children, and now they are adults, she stays with him for two months every year, during which time she sleeps in his bed.
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Brian says the arrangement had created problems for previous girlfriends.
“There was one who loved writing notes that always started with: “Why can’t you ever say no to your sister?” followed by, “You make me feel so last place!”
“Another demanded: “Why is there a picture of Kelly on your desk, but none of me?” and “Why does Kelly sleep in your bed with you? Why can’t Kelly sleep in the living room when she visits?” And another, who asked one night: “What if something happens to your parents? Where will your sister go?” We both knew the answer.”
Then he met Tempany, who seemed to be okay with it, except that “less than six months (after they started dating) she said: “I’m supposed to be your other half, but there’s already a half there.”
“Tempany said: “You need to choose” and so began a process by which Brian “told Kelly ‘No’ more often and spoiled her less and less. I shortened her annual visits and made every effort to put Tempany’s needs first.”
The essay has attracted enormous controversy, from those who think Brian is being cruel to Kelly, to those who think the relationship was a bit weird in the first place.
Robyn Pennacchia, writing on The Frisky, says: “I am already getting the feeling here that this dude’s relationship with his sister is more about him getting to feel like “a superhero” than it is about her and her happiness and well-being.”
She also criticizes Brian’s wife, saying: “I think that Tempany needs to learn that love is not a hierarchical situation, and that someone you love also loving their sister doesn’t take away from how much they love you.”
