Sandra, 31, from Brisbane shares her true life story;
Nan shoved a glass of wine into my hands.
“Cheers, darling,” she said, clinking her glass against mine and taking a hefty slug.
“Here’s hoping you have a happier marriage than mine.”
Nanna Pam was always making comments like that but I knew she loved my Grandpa Joe.
Although, to be honest, they did lead quite separate lives.
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She was always off at the RSL with her girlfriends to play bingo or have a go on the pokies, while Grandpa preferred to stay at home and tinker with his old cars parked in the yard.
They bickered a lot, too, and they slept in separate beds.
But didn’t most old people do that?
Not that Nanna was old.
She was only 63 and still attractive.
We were very close so when I got engaged to my boyfriend, Tom, I was excited to celebrate the good news with her.
“Your grandpa is a boring old fart, but I’m stuck with him,” Nanna went on, taking another gulp of wine.
Nanna Pam was always making comments like that but I knew she loved my Grandpa Joe.
“But you’ve been married for 40 years!” I said in admiration.
“I hope Tom and I will be married for that long.”
She scoffed and drank some more.
“Too lazy to leave, ” she slurred.
It was fair to say she was a liability on the booze!
One Christmas she told my middle sister that she was the ugly duckling of the family.
Then there was the year she got drunk at a funeral and slapped an old rival.
Another liability was Tom’s best man, Karl, 41.
He had a reputation as being a real player.
I was terrified of what he’d do to Tom, 29, at his bucks’ party but, to my relief, they just went paintballing.
Six months passed and our big day arrived.
It all went perfectly.
Karl did a brilliantly funny best man’s speech.
“Glad that’s over,” he said, tucking into the tequilas.
I noticed nanna had had a skinful by the time the speeches were over, too.
She kept lifting her dress up on the dance floor.
“The old farts hone home so I’m going to enjoy myself,” she said.
My friends all thought she was hilarious and I decided to ignore her.
But a couple of hours later, Tracey, one of my bridesmaids, ran up to me white as a sheet.
“I just saw your nan out behind the bins with Karl,” she said.
“And?” I asked.
“They were..you know…,”
Tracey said, embarrassed.
I dropped my champagne glass in shock.
I raced outside yelling, “Nanna! What the hell are you doing?”
Karl jumped out from behind the bins, pulling his trousers up.
He ran off back inside.
Nanna came out, her red lipstick smeared.
“Don’t tell your mother,” she slurred.
Sobbing, I put her into a taxi and ran to find Tom.
We decided not to tell anyone.
It didn’t seem worth destroying 40 years of marriage, but it’s ruined my relationship with Nan, and Tom doesn’t speak to Karl anymore.
My parents think we’re angry with Nan for getting drunk and disorderly at our wedding.
They’d be horrified If they knew the truth. .. that I caught my own nan bonking the best man on our wedding day!
I’ll never forgive her for what she has done.
These nannas just keep getting cheekier! Check out Take 5’s Ripper Real Life podcast below for more naughty nanna stories
