Tough conversations will come up when you’re part of a married couple; it’s a fact of life.
There are the usual, conversations about money, raising your children, even life and death – but one discussion you don’t expect to have with your significant other is them telling you they think you’ve gained too much weight.
But it happens, more often than any of us would like to think.
When a man asked the Internet the best way to tell “his wife she got fat,” the response revealed there are some deeper issues at play, and shared some revelations that could help others in a similar situation.
Here’s how it all went down.
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The couple has been together for eight years and married for two. While the pair originally bonded over a mutual love of sport and athletics, the wife has lost all interest in sport after their nuptials.
Measuring 5’2, the man explains his wife (who weighed just 50 kgs at the time of their wedding) has gained at least 20 kgs through lack of exercise and increased eating.
“This is a significant weight gain, and I am concerned about it,” he confesses on the online forum.
“Anytime I try and bring it up she gets really angry with me!”
“I am trying to be thoughtful of her feelings, yet I feel like I cannot tiptoe around the issue anymore,” he says.
Sexual attraction is not the problem he assures readers, it is just that he’s sick of “hearing her complain about her weight and not feeling sexy”.
At one point the pair thought she might be pregnant, though doctors confirmed she was not.
“Everything I have tried so far has been greeted with hostility and anger,” the man desperately confides.
“Honestly, it is the personality change that is my real fear.”
While some readers were outraged by the man’s “shallow” question, others offered helpful suggestions and advice on how to broach such a delicate issue.
“It seems to me that when it comes down to it, it’s not the fatness that you don’t like,” said one commenter.
“It’s more not being able to spend time with her, play tennis with her, hike, etc. I wouldn’t address it by saying she’s fat — say you miss doing things with her.”
“Tell her you miss going hiking with her. Maybe find a new activity — tell her you want to run a marathon, and want her to do it with you. If she doesn’t do the first one, she’ll do the second one after she sees you finish.”
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It was suggested by most that his partner could be suffering from depression, with the weight gain as a symptom of a more severe condition:
“She needs to talk things over with her doctor, and consider whether or not she needs further help with really sounds like depression.”
Depressed people don’t always look like they are depressed.
Beyond Blue reveals that significant weight gain, changes in personality and not doing usual enjoyable activities are all symptoms of depression.
Addressing the issue of depression isn’t easy and be even more tricky than addressing the issue of weight gain.
For information on how to talk a loved one you think might be suffering from depression head to the Beyond Blue website.
