A US study claims that not having time to date or find love is no longer an acceptable excuse — you only need four minutes.
Focusing on language, the researchers from Stanford universities discovered what makes couples ‘click’ on a four minute speed-date and found that couples were able to form meaningful bonds.
The study — which proves long courtship is a dinosaur from a bygone romantic era — says it all comes down to conversation when men and women date, and while blokes need to carefully consider what they say, ladies have the power.
“The game is successfully played when females are the point of focus and engaged in the conversation, and males demonstrate alignment with and understanding of the female,” the study authored by professors Dan McFarland and Dan Jurafsky reads.
Men who focused conversation on the lady they were trying to woo were more likely to be granted a second date, especially if they use appreciative language and don’t ask too many questions.
“Women feel disconnected when they have to ask men questions, or when men ask them questions,” McFarland said, referring to habits they discovered mainly in women who would automatically switch to “question asking mode” when conversation was lagging. Both sexes found this a turn-off.
While McFarland’s research indicates men looking for a connection are easier to please, preferring a woman who is shorter than them and more on the thin side, but also found with the right conversation, four minutes is long enough to connect beyond looks.
The research paper notes that successful dates were those where the woman was the focal point of conversation and men demonstrated an understanding of them, and on the most successful dates the pair would find shared stories.
“One of the key features of a community, social network or relationship is the sense that it’s meaningful, that there is some kind of force behind the relationship,” McFarland said.
“We wanted to see is there is anything about the interaction that matter or is it really just what I look like, what I do, what my motivation is. Is it all the things that are psychological or in my head or is there actually something in how we hit it off?”
The longer individuals took to decide on a date, the more they reported having a bonding experience, suggesting communication can change someone’s feelings about another person changing their original judgment based on looks.
