In light of Rob Kardashian’s recent and unfortunately-timed split from fiancé Blac Chyna, we’re posing the question: should you wait until after Christmas to break up with your partner?
According to Rob, the reality TV star walking out with the couple’s one-month-old daughter Dream was made that much worse by the fact that Christmas is now just days away.
“I’ve got the Christmas tree all set up for Chyna and the baby… but they left me. I’m pretty sad because it’s about to be Christmas and I want to be with my baby,” the sock designer said on Snapchat as he wandered his now-empty home.
WATCH: Rob Snapchats his empty house in the player below. Post continues after the video…
While we definitely don’t know what goes on behind closed doors in the famous pair’s lives (Rob has now made a public promise to seek help and deal with the issues that left him in an “emotional bad place”), we can absolutely sympathise that being broken up with during the holiday season would, simply put, suck.
Woman’s Day sat down with psychologist and relationship expert Jacqui Manning to find out whether it’s better to cut the cord, or push through the silly season if the Christmas lights on your relationship tree have started to dull.
Should I wait until after Christmas to call it off with my significant other?
You’ve got to decide what’s going to work best and have the courage to act on it. It’s not a great Christmas present to be told it’s over, however, it’s not great to be dragged along to the family events either and have no authenticity underneath the festive cheer!
You know them best, weigh up the pros and cons and if you feel a pre-Christmas exit is the best, then go for it.
What’s the harm in keeping my partner around for party season? I do need a date after all…
You’re not being real – to yourself or them. You’re pretending that all is OK while in reality you’re just waiting for that perfect moment to set them free.
There’s no such thing, so have the courage to face up to reality and discuss what’s going on for you. You’re really prolonging the pain and preventing the pair of you from grieving, healing and moving on.
What if I regret breaking up with them after the pressure of the holidays wears off?
Take the time to be sure of your decision before you make it – if you think there’s hope for you yet, then hang on and consider other options. Could a holiday help your connection? Could you go to a relationship coach in the new year to see if you could still have a great relationship?
If in doubt, don’t. Pause, reflect, write down your thoughts and hopes in a journal and then express them to your partner. You never know, they might welcome your insights and a chance to freshen up what you’ve got!
If his reindeer jumper has gone from hilarious to hideous, it might be time to re-think…
Is it possible I’m just having doubts because Christmas is a stressful time?
People do tend to limp along by the end of the year and this can skew their feelings; you can be stressed about everything – work, your family, Christmas lunch – and turn your focus onto your partner as being ‘the’ problem when there really are a myriad of things going on.
If you’ve been fighting and you see that as the main pressure point it’s simple to pull the plug on the relationship, but it might be that you’re just exhausted, over-committed, unappreciated in all areas of your life so take stock and see how you feel after you’ve relaxed a little.
By slowing down and resting, you’re more likely to hear your inner voice, which is really always pretty smart!
How do I know when it’s the right time to break up?
When your gut tells you and when you’re sure things aren’t going to change. Often we’ve heard the internal voice telling us it’s time to go, but we are ever-optimistic, thinking things will turn around.
While it’s good to make sure you’re doing the right thing, don’t wait forever. A good rule of thumb is if you’ve identified the problem and thought of some ideas to help and voiced these, give them 3-6 months to try and change things (and the exception here is if you feel unsafe – in that case exit immediately if you can).
If things are still exactly the same at the time limit you’ve thought of, then you know your answer.
Jacqui’s tips for beating the breakup like a boss
When it comes to moving on, sometimes it’s all about taking the first step into the right direction, starting with these easy-to-remember tips:
• Don’t be scared of crying. Notice that you might be angry and think of all the bad things about your ex, then recognise when you remember all the good things about them – it’s all part of the process.
• Make sure to do some physical activity. Often when you have a big shock, your body fills with stress hormones and you’ll need a positive way to let those go.
• Know that it will pass. When you’re in the middle of something like a break-up, it can feel like the end of the world. Try to remind yourself that you felt like this last time, and just like your last break-up, you will be OK.
