Long before their fairytale wedding, Prince William and Kate Middleton were happily part of the 2.7 million British couples living together in a de facto relationship.
In breaking with royal tradition, William and Kate embraced the practice of ‘shacking up’ from the very start of their relationship, proving themselves just like every other young couple trying to work out if marriage is the right next step for them.
Couples who exist under the same roof are actually living out their commitment to each other every day. Small gestures, like cooking a meal for your loved one, laughing in the dark just before you fall asleep, countless cups of tea or coffee in bed, toast stolen from an unwatched plate and toilet rolls passed through the bathroom door that were once reserved for the married state are now happily recognised as the commitment inherent in de facto relationships. What’s more, many young couples are approaching live-in relationships as a fantastic way to ‘try before you buy.’
The old adage, ‘You never truly know someone until you live with them’ has become somewhat of a warning message for younger couples, who have listened to mum and dad’s tales of supervised courtship and matches that were, for the most part, organised and sanctioned by their parents. Many young people have decided that the old system is just too risky when it comes to the question of spending your life with someone.
But rather than taking marriage less seriously, younger couples recognise that partnerships require a preparedness that can only be gained through living with the other person — understanding whether they’re cranky in the mornings or drink directly from the milk carton, how they argue and how they apologise.
The reality is, young couples are not willing to gamble on something as important as marriage. They need a fair idea of what they’re signing up for and, more importantly, who they’re signing up to be with.
The royal family, it seems, are no different. Gone are the days when royal brides-to-be (including Princess Diana) had to be declared ‘Intacta’ (virginal) before marriage to qualify to give birth to England’s next heir.
Both Zara and Peter Phillips lived with their partners before they wed, as did Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles. It’s also no secret that Prince Harry regularly stays at the London apartment of his on/off girlfriend, Chelsy Davy.
William and Kate’s development as a couple was clear during their engagement interview as they described their journey from “friends” to a couple who lived together for the better part of their eight-year relationship.
“Over the years I knew things were getting better and better” declared a gushing William as he candidly speaks about building a strong relationship with his future wife. “We went through a few stumbling blocks, as every relationship does, but we picked ourselves up and carried on.”
Indeed, the Archbishop of York, Dr John Sentamu, backed the couple’s ‘cohabiting lifestyle,’ in the lead up to their marriage, saying that many young couples want to “test the milk before they buy the cow.”
In Australia, 75% of couples live together prior to marriage, a figure that rose by 28% between 1996 and 2001. Yet de facto relationships are not just a trial-run for the real husband and wife show. More and more, de facto living arrangements are seen as an alternative to marriage — a choice that we will no doubt see exercised throughout the next few generations of royals.
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