As if it’s not bad enough us single ladies can’t update our Facebook statuses with the not-so-surprising bunch of flowers and cliche cards our partners got us for V-day, we’re also forced to endure the heartache of being unattached year-round. It’s a daily struggle, but we manage…
1. We’re forced to sleep on 1500 thread count sheets instead of cheap, sweaty polyester because we don’t have a guy to tell us what a waste of money quality manchester is.
2. We have way too much money left in our bank accounts from all the Valentine’s Day, Christmas, birthday and anniversary presents we don’t get to buy.
3. The bathroom vanity is so free from man stubble that we constantly wonder what we can possibly do with all that extra Spray ‘n’ Wipe we’re saving.
4. We have to eat meals with salads on the side containing at least three different coloured vegetables as there’s no male to cook us his specialty of hot dogs wrapped in white sandwich bread because he forgot to buy hotdog rolls – again.
5. Our Saturdays in winter are spent wrapped up in a doona because there’s no early-morning football games to go to barrack for. And in summer, sadly no cricket.
^ See, so lost.
6. We’re forced to eat an entire garlic bread every single time because there’s sadly no-one to split it with.
7. Each night we sleep soundly because there’s no snoring, restless legs or man furnace in our bed to remind us how happily coupled up we are.
8. Lunches are forever leftover takeaway from the night before because there’s no guy there to stuff himself with the extra Pad Thai at dinner.
9. We spend the required time doing our hair and makeup properly, and changing our outfits the satisfactory number of times before an event, because we have no-one to constantly remind us of how late we might be.
10. We’re forever accidentally falling asleep in bed while still wearing fake tan because there’s no-one around to tell us they think we smell.
11. Emergency supplies of chocolate, chips and other treats just sit in the pantry until they are actually needed, because there’s no-one there to scoff them first.
Sigh, HAPPY SINGLES’ AWARENESS DAY, y’all
