33 year-old Belle Petersen used to love Valentine’s day. Not only was it the international day of romance, it was also the anniversary of her engagement to the love of her life.
But all that changed in January 2014 when her husband Gert was killed in a tragic accident.
“He [was going for a] motorbike ride with two mates. He came in, gave me a peck on the cheek after he warmed his bike up and said ‘I love you, see you later’.
“But he took a sharp corner too wide and hit a semi-trailer, he was gone instantly,” she recalls.
Naturally losing Gert was a devastating blow for Belle and the couple’s young daughter. “The last two years have been very tough,” she says.
Valentine ’s Day is particularly difficult though.
“We always did something special each year. He would say ‘let’s not buy anything for each other and just spend the day together’ but then he would get me something anyway. He was very cheeky like that,” says Belle.
Unfortunately, February 14th has brought Belle an extra serve of heartache in the form of an administrative hiccup.
“What’s made [Valentine’s Day] difficult so far is that despite Gert passing away on the 28th of January his death certificate says February 14. That was a big kick in the teeth with all I was going through already at the time. I fought so hard to get it changed but they wouldn’t budge,” she explains.
Then last Valentine’s Day Belle found out that Gert was buried in the wrong plot and had to be moved.
“This year I’m really hoping nothing else happens,” she says.
This Valentine’s Day Belle and her daughter will spend time with their extended family and visit Gert’s grave. “It will be hard but I’m lucky that I have lots of support from family and friends,” she says.
Belle and Gert on their wedding day.
As retailers prepare for Valentine’s Day the shops are filled with cards and heart shaped chocolates, which serve as a painful reminder to those that are without their partner.
Dr Sarah Wayland is a grief researcher with University of New England. She says that days such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas and other celebration days can be incredibly difficult for the bereaved.
“No matter where people turn they are bombarded with images of togetherness and joy.
“People facing Valentine’s Day with the pain of grief, can feel very disconnected, which can lead to feelings of isolation and despair. The focus on what we don’t have can be acutely felt,” Dr Wayland explains.
For 59-year-old Peter Harris, Valentine’s Day brings a different type of grief. His partner of 30 years, Paul Rushworth has been missing since September 2013.
Paul left the couple’s Redfern home with his house keys, wallet and phone to go for a walk. He phoned Peter later in the morning to say he was catching a train to the Blue Mountains and would be back later that day. That was the last conversation the couple had.
Since that day, Peter has dedicated all of his spare time to searching for the love of his life. He has painstakingly scoured the streets of Sydney and handed out more than 60,000 flyers. He has also campaigned for politicians to feature the faces of missing people more prominently around the city.
“Valentine’s Day is extremely hard to take like Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries,” says Peter.
“Paul and I used to spend the morning of February 14th at the beach and would enjoy a nice breakfast at a cafe. We would then spend the rest of the day doing work or study. But we would always go out for a nice dinner in the evening, either in the city or in Surry Hills.”
This Valentine’s Day Peter will be spending the day with his family. “I’m sure they will all think of Paul at some point,” he says.
While Peter won’t be spending the day with his Valentine, he will be talking to him in his head.
“I’ll tell him that I love him and that I miss him so much.”
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