If you’re losing your mind trying to figure out what’s going on in his head, our guide to male moods will save your sanity!
Does your partner’s mind sometimes seem as hard to read as ancient hieroglyphs? Before you let your imagination wander into scenarios involving his younger secretary, we asked David Cutler, manager of the Men and Family Relationships Program at Relationships Australia, to help us decipher what his moods mean.
So what should you do? “Try to identify the current behaviour rather than getting defensive or adding to the anxiety by interrogating,” says Cutler. “Have a guess at something such as ‘It seems like you’re under a lot of stress’ or ‘Is everything okay at work?’ You don’t want to question because guys will close down if they’re being interrogated.”
There could be a number of underlying reasons for his sexual withdrawal. “If they’re feeling powerless or inadequate at home or the workplace, they close down in a state of confusion,” explains Cutler. A non-confrontational approach will get you the best results. “Do some active listening, not pushing. Try to tease out what might be going on.”
A nurturing attitude towards both your child and your partner can help alleviate these feelings. “A ‘let’s do this together’ [approach] is really helpful,” says Cutler.
“One of the guys [in a counselling group] said, ‘If I said that, my partner would say, ‘Get yourself a skirt’. It can make the guy feel pretty rubbish and it puts the cap on the bottle. He thinks, ‘I’m never going to tell you how I’m feeling if you make fun of me or if you don’t acknowledge and don’t listen.'”
Cutler believes communication is the key to a healthy relationship but it takes practice. “Doing some of the courses at Relationships Australia can enable couples to talk in a new way. They’re really helpful.”
For more information on these courses and other counselling options, contact Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 or go to www.relationships.org.au.
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