They say death and taxes are the only two certainties in life, but the age-old saying fails to mention break ups.
When entering into a relationship with someone, it can end in one of three ways; marriage, staying together, or eventually splitting up. If itโs the latter, youโre bound to feel crushed and wonder if youโll ever be happy again.
Thankfully, time heals nearly all wounds, and until then, we have expert advice on how to get through your darkest days following a break up.
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Kim Kardashian and Kanye Westโs acrimonious divorce has played out in the tabloid for over a year now.
(Image: Getty)Megan Luscombe, a relationship expert at dating site Hello Tiger says that old wivesโ tale that it takes half the time you were dating someone to completely get over them, is quite simply a myth.
โThere isnโt a magic number or timeline to move past a break up. It takes different amounts of time for everyone, especially if the person who is hurt isnโt doing any healing work to process this change, like working with a therapist or coach,โ Megan tells Now To Love.
โGiving a timeframe for someone to heal is unrealistic and puts an enormous amount of pressure to be โover itโ. Healing comes and goes in waves, itโs natural.โ
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Relationship expert Megan Luscombe says giving a timeframe for someone to heal is โunrealisticโ.
(Image: Supplied)What should people avoid doing when going through a breakup?
Ok, so youโve just been broken up with, or youโve been the one to pull the plug on your relationship; now what?
Unsurprisingly, time immediately following a break up can be difficult to navigate due to heightened emotions, lingering questions and the urge to instantly stalk your ex on social media.
โKeeping the feelings in and pretending that theyโre okay when they arenโt. Itโs okay to express your negative feelings after a breakup, regardless of how long/short the relationship was,โ Megan says.
โKeeping things inside will only ensure they come out in other ways and those forms of release arenโt always positive. Avoid stalking them on social media or checking up on them/in with them, you need distance yourself immediately to start processing and healing.โ
In order to move on, Megan reminds us that itโs not about simply โgetting overโ someone, โitโs about being able to move through the hurt stage of a breakup into more of a healing mindset.โ
She suggests unfollowing or muting them on social media, removing their possessions from your house and rearranging your room into a new space โthat is reflective of you onlyโ.
How to get over someone you were never in a relationship with
Weโve all been there before. The grey area of โalmostโ officially dating someone but never quite getting to the point of putting labels on your romance.
When relationships like this come crashing down, itโs all the more hard trying to navigate your disappointment and lack of closure.
Itโs easy to feel like your feelings arenโt justified given you were never technically in a relationship, however, Megan says no matter the connection, the same rules apply.
โTime is your friend, and make sure you are creating space between yourself and that person so you can commence the healing process. Unfollow on social media if necessary and donโt go out of your way to check up on what theyโre doing,โ she says.
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Brooke Blurton and Darvid Garayeli shocked fans when they suddenly split just one month after The Bachelorette finale aired.
(Image: Ten)Why getting over someone is so hard
If it feels like getting over your ex is taking an eternity, you arenโt alone.
โBecause our brains create the fantasy of a future with this person and it does that based on the reality of the relationship and conversations weโve had during the relationship,โ Megan says.
โWhen that changes it hurts us and causes a lot of uncertainty, it can also bring up past insecurities which cause us to become extremely hard on ourselves.
โHumans want what they want and when we canโt have it, or it gets taken away from us via break up, it causes a lot of internal turmoil.โ
When to cut ties with your ex and when to maintain a friendship
Following a break up, particularly when thereโs unrequited feelings still lingering, it can be tempting to maintain a friendship with your ex as a way of keeping them in your life in some capacity.
But this can lead to further disappointment and false hope when boundaries arenโt outlined properly from the get-go.
Megan says that ultimately, itโs down to personal preference whether you remain in your exโs life.
โHowever, Iโd suggest a few months distance initially to allow both parties to start their own healing process and reconnect with who they are as individuals,โ she says.
โIf either partner is still harbouring feelings itโs best not to maintain a friendship, but if this isnโt the case a friendship can of course be salvaged. Ex partners that remain friends need to have boundaries though, so itโs important they are discussed prior to the friendship commencing.โ
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Nobody saw Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolieโs divorce coming.
(Image: Getty)If there is zero โmutual effortโ then thereโs a high chance your relationship has run its course for good, Megan adds.
โIn order for a couple who have broken up to patch things up it requires two people demonstrating the same level of effort,โ she says.
โThis means dedicated communication and radical transparency so they can heal the past to create a better relationship in the future.โ
Is getting back together after several break ups ever worth it?
We all know someone whoโs rekindled things with their ex more times than we can count on one hand. Or youโre probably guilty of the on-again, off-again dynamic yourself.
However, there is a glimmer of hope for couples who just canโt seem to stay away from each other, Megan says.
โIt can work only if both individuals have emotionally developed and grown in the duration of the break ups,โ she says.
โCouples that continuously get back together after break ups but havenโt changed are doomed, and find themselves trapped in an endless and unhealthy cycle of sometimes confusing love with lust, as both come and go.
How to get back onto the dating scene after heartbreak
Dating at the best of times can be daunting, but when youโre feeling vulnerable following a heartbreak, going on a date with a stranger is the last thing most of us want to do.
However, Megan says we canโt underestimate the power of a little distraction.
โFind what social interactions work for you, but if itโs dating apps youโre after, try jumping on Hello Tiger where your chances of meeting someone looking for a genuine connection is higher,โ she says.
With embedded video call functions forcing you to step out of your comfort zone and put forward the real you, the app gives you the opportunity to find that instant spark and gauge immediate chemistry before you keep chatting.
โItโs a super fun way to eliminate those awkward first date introductions as well,โ she says.