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Going through a soul-crushing break up? A relationship expert busts heartbreak myths and reveals how to get back into dating

Consider this your how-to guide to thriving after a breakup.
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They say death and taxes are the only two certainties in life, but the age-old saying fails to mention break ups.

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When entering into a relationship with someone, it can end in one of three ways; marriage, staying together, or eventually splitting up. If itโ€™s the latter, youโ€™re bound to feel crushed and wonder if youโ€™ll ever be happy again.

Thankfully, time heals nearly all wounds, and until then, we have expert advice on how to get through your darkest days following a break up.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye Westโ€™s acrimonious divorce has played out in the tabloid for over a year now.

(Image: Getty)

Megan Luscombe, a relationship expert at dating site Hello Tiger says that old wivesโ€™ tale that it takes half the time you were dating someone to completely get over them, is quite simply a myth.

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โ€œThere isnโ€™t a magic number or timeline to move past a break up. It takes different amounts of time for everyone, especially if the person who is hurt isnโ€™t doing any healing work to process this change, like working with a therapist or coach,โ€ Megan tells Now To Love.

โ€œGiving a timeframe for someone to heal is unrealistic and puts an enormous amount of pressure to be โ€˜over itโ€™. Healing comes and goes in waves, itโ€™s natural.โ€

Relationship expert Megan Luscombe says giving a timeframe for someone to heal is โ€œunrealisticโ€.

(Image: Supplied)

What should people avoid doing when going through a breakup?

Ok, so youโ€™ve just been broken up with, or youโ€™ve been the one to pull the plug on your relationship; now what?

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Unsurprisingly, time immediately following a break up can be difficult to navigate due to heightened emotions, lingering questions and the urge to instantly stalk your ex on social media.

โ€œKeeping the feelings in and pretending that theyโ€™re okay when they arenโ€™t. Itโ€™s okay to express your negative feelings after a breakup, regardless of how long/short the relationship was,โ€ Megan says.

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โ€œKeeping things inside will only ensure they come out in other ways and those forms of release arenโ€™t always positive. Avoid stalking them on social media or checking up on them/in with them, you need distance yourself immediately to start processing and healing.โ€

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In order to move on, Megan reminds us that itโ€™s not about simply โ€œgetting overโ€ someone, โ€œitโ€™s about being able to move through the hurt stage of a breakup into more of a healing mindset.โ€

She suggests unfollowing or muting them on social media, removing their possessions from your house and rearranging your room into a new space โ€œthat is reflective of you onlyโ€.

How to get over someone you were never in a relationship with

Weโ€™ve all been there before. The grey area of โ€œalmostโ€ officially dating someone but never quite getting to the point of putting labels on your romance.

When relationships like this come crashing down, itโ€™s all the more hard trying to navigate your disappointment and lack of closure.

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Itโ€™s easy to feel like your feelings arenโ€™t justified given you were never technically in a relationship, however, Megan says no matter the connection, the same rules apply.

โ€œTime is your friend, and make sure you are creating space between yourself and that person so you can commence the healing process. Unfollow on social media if necessary and donโ€™t go out of your way to check up on what theyโ€™re doing,โ€ she says.

Brooke Blurton and Darvid Garayeli shocked fans when they suddenly split just one month after The Bachelorette finale aired.

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Why getting over someone is so hard

If it feels like getting over your ex is taking an eternity, you arenโ€™t alone.

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โ€œBecause our brains create the fantasy of a future with this person and it does that based on the reality of the relationship and conversations weโ€™ve had during the relationship,โ€ Megan says.

โ€œWhen that changes it hurts us and causes a lot of uncertainty, it can also bring up past insecurities which cause us to become extremely hard on ourselves.

โ€œHumans want what they want and when we canโ€™t have it, or it gets taken away from us via break up, it causes a lot of internal turmoil.โ€

When to cut ties with your ex and when to maintain a friendship

Following a break up, particularly when thereโ€™s unrequited feelings still lingering, it can be tempting to maintain a friendship with your ex as a way of keeping them in your life in some capacity.

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But this can lead to further disappointment and false hope when boundaries arenโ€™t outlined properly from the get-go.

Megan says that ultimately, itโ€™s down to personal preference whether you remain in your exโ€™s life.

โ€œHowever, Iโ€™d suggest a few months distance initially to allow both parties to start their own healing process and reconnect with who they are as individuals,โ€ she says.

โ€œIf either partner is still harbouring feelings itโ€™s best not to maintain a friendship, but if this isnโ€™t the case a friendship can of course be salvaged. Ex partners that remain friends need to have boundaries though, so itโ€™s important they are discussed prior to the friendship commencing.โ€

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Nobody saw Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolieโ€™s divorce coming.

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If there is zero โ€œmutual effortโ€ then thereโ€™s a high chance your relationship has run its course for good, Megan adds.

โ€œIn order for a couple who have broken up to patch things up it requires two people demonstrating the same level of effort,โ€ she says.

โ€œThis means dedicated communication and radical transparency so they can heal the past to create a better relationship in the future.โ€

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Is getting back together after several break ups ever worth it?

We all know someone whoโ€™s rekindled things with their ex more times than we can count on one hand. Or youโ€™re probably guilty of the on-again, off-again dynamic yourself.

However, there is a glimmer of hope for couples who just canโ€™t seem to stay away from each other, Megan says.

โ€œIt can work only if both individuals have emotionally developed and grown in the duration of the break ups,โ€ she says.

โ€œCouples that continuously get back together after break ups but havenโ€™t changed are doomed, and find themselves trapped in an endless and unhealthy cycle of sometimes confusing love with lust, as both come and go.

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How to get back onto the dating scene after heartbreak

Dating at the best of times can be daunting, but when youโ€™re feeling vulnerable following a heartbreak, going on a date with a stranger is the last thing most of us want to do.

However, Megan says we canโ€™t underestimate the power of a little distraction.

โ€œFind what social interactions work for you, but if itโ€™s dating apps youโ€™re after, try jumping on Hello Tiger where your chances of meeting someone looking for a genuine connection is higher,โ€ she says.

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With embedded video call functions forcing you to step out of your comfort zone and put forward the real you, the app gives you the opportunity to find that instant spark and gauge immediate chemistry before you keep chatting.

โ€œItโ€™s a super fun way to eliminate those awkward first date introductions as well,โ€ she says.

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