There’s really no one formula when it comes to moving on from a breakup.
While some couples like Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger can part ways amicably after 10 years together, others, like Johnny Depp and Amber Heard or even the recent and heartbreaking demise of Brangelina, can uproot families and cause the kind of battles that feel like they last longer than the relationship itself.
With psychologist and author of Dating From the Inside Out, Paulette Kouffman Sherman, recently advocating that the adequate time to wait before diving back into the dating pool after a breakup is one month (or a few more for relationships that have lasted longer than a year), Woman’s Day decided to ask Jacqui Manning for a second opinion.
And, according to this expert, “there is no one-size-fits-all” solution when it comes to breakups…
When should you move on?
“I’m not a fan of definitive time frames,” Jacqui says. “I think for any kind of split – if the feelings are intensely felt – I often say to clients that a matter of months is a good idea, but in saying that, everyone is different.
“It’s about trying to wait, and pause, and learn, and think about yourself and about what you brought to the relationship that may have contributed to any issues.”
“Pain teaches us things, it brings learning. Yes, it’s uncomfortable; we don’t like it, no one likes it, I don’t like it, but it’s a necessary part of the learning process.”
“Try and maintain your basic physical requirements like sleeping and eating. It’s very easy to forget to do this during a tough breakup,” Jacqui explains.
How do I know I’m ready to date again?
“A good indication that you’ve come to a point of acceptance about your ex is when you feel a sense of peace and calm rather than volatility when thinking about them,” Jacqui continues.
Jacqui recommends using your nerves as an indicator. “If you’re feeling like a 10 on the freak-out scale, maybe you need to wait a bit longer, but if you’re sitting around the six or seven mark, that’s a bit more achievable.
“Remember: You’re not committing to anything when you go on a date, you’re just putting yourself out there again – and that’s OK.”
If/when will I be friends with my ex?
“While I generally urge my clients to take a bit of time to themselves – however long they feel they need – I’ll often encourage a few more months in the occurrence that a client wants to be friends with an ex.
“Sometimes that break of 4-5 months can seem unachievable in the days of social media, as people are suddenly so much more aware of their ex’s movements than they used to be.
“For this reason, it might be a good idea to hide your former partner’s profile in the time it takes you to come to terms with your split.”
Looking at you, Calvin Harris…
Beat the breakup like a boss
When it comes to moving on, sometimes it’s all about taking the first step into the right direction, starting with these easy-to-remember tips:
Don’t be scared of crying. Notice that you might be angry and think of all the bad things about your ex, then recognise when you remember all the good things about them – it’s all part of the process.
Make sure to do some physical activity. Often when you have a big shock, your body fills with stress hormones, and you’ll need a positive way to let those go.
Know that it will pass. When you’re in the middle of something like a breakup, it can feel like the end of the world. Try to remind yourself that you felt like this last time, and just like your last breakup, you will be OK.
