Spice up your marriage with a spousal fling …
Marital blip:
Some relationship problems start when the passion and sense of adventure ebbs away, leaving couples with a routine and sometimes mechanical existence.
“One of the most common issues facing couples is wavering desire,” says Elisabeth Shaw, a psychologist specialising in relationship issues.
“This can be because people get almost too secure, and can just assume that aspects of the relationship can go on hold while they turn their attention to other pressing tasks such as work and family. The relationship can then become vulnerable, leading to things like affairs.”
Extramarital affairs bring adventure and risk but can ruin a relationship, so why not enjoy the less-destructive risk of a fling with your spouse?
Au fait with affairs:
Follow our quick tips to help you and your hubby kick off your fling thing:
Step one: get connected.Give yourselves pseudonyms and enter them into your mobile or create new e-mail addresses. Woo each other through technology and let the passion slowly simmer.
Step two: play the innocent.Begin with stolen moments, grabbing a drink before grocery shopping or having a quick coffee together on your lunch break.
Step three: spice it up.After a few quick meetings you can, as Elisabeth says, “put more spice into the adventure”, such as meeting out of town for an intimate dinner.
Step four: nix-travagance.”Going out doesn’t have to be expensive,” Elisabeth says. “Anything that conveys thought and an appreciation of time together will help you feel closer, and create a platform for better sex.”
Step five: act up.Never act like you are a married couple when meeting up and avoid talking about home life or the kids. “Try for a new agenda of conversation. Forget catching up on domestics,” Elisabeth says.
Step six: be brave.Don’t get coy as the “affair” unfolds. “Couples get so familiar,” Elisabeth says. “It can feel embarrassing to try something new with someone who knows you so well.” Be brave and embrace the excitement.
Step seven: ssshecrets.Don’t discuss the “affair” at home with your husband or blab to your friends — it will ruin the mystery.
Step eight: sexual stealing.As you become more confident “cheaters”, meet somewhere new and exciting for sex breaks and saucy weekends.
Step nine: break old habits.Make as much effort as you would for a new lover. Get waxed, try a different perfume, buy new underwear. Breaking old physical habits will help you embrace a new emotional and sexual “you”.
Step 10: take turns.”Each taking a turn to plan an outing that the other doesn’t know about gets everyone to sit up and take notice, put more thought into things and be more adventurous,” Elisabeth says.
Step 11: opportunity rocks.Snatched phone calls and texts will keep life exciting. When you are apart, you’ll find yourself fantasising about your spouse, rather than associating them with taking out the bins or making dinner.
Fling the fling:
After a mutually satisfying fling, it’s time to incorporate “affair you” into “married you”. “Keep a routine of dates and ‘couple time’.” Elisabeth says. “Planning other adventures and quality time together means you can keep the connection and vision going.” Now enjoy a fresh outlook on your relationship without any of the heartache that a real affair brings.
