Forget sparks, attraction and falling in love, when it comes to choosing a partner for life, women should apply the same criteria as when buying a house, according to a controversial new book.
Reva Seth, author of the book entitled First Comes Marriage, argues that the underlying principles of Asian marriages are the key to enjoying a long-term and successful partnership. Reva, who interviewed more than 300 happily married Asian women in Europe and North America, believes that Asian principles can be adapted by Western women to protect themselves against the pitfalls of modern romance and the prospect of divorce.
Despite the common Western view that arranged marriages are old-fashioned and immoral, Reva argues that the philosophy which underpins many Asian marriages is a shared sense of cultural heritage and a similar set of life goals. According to Reva, this is ultimately what women should be seeking.
“I’m not saying that women should not choose their husbands for themselves — that should be every woman’s right”, Reva says. “What I am saying is that perhaps modern women are basing their choices on the wrong criteria.”
Reva, a 32-year-old former lawyer, goes on to claim in her book that the logic and rationale which goes into buying a house can be a good approach to choosing a husband.
“When you are buying a house you draw up a list of ‘must haves’ so why shouldn’t it be the same for marriage, which is probably the most important decision you will ever make in your life?” she asks.
“I know it doesn’t sound very sexy or hot to ask yourself, ‘is this the person I want to be with in 20 years’ time?’, but perhaps these are the questions women should be asking themselves instead of basing their decision on some unrealistic romantic fantasy.”
Reva’s theory is that many women go through their dating lives choosing partners who they happen to meet and be attracted to. Although we, as people, research our colleges, plan our careers and make cautious, informed decisions when it comes to buying property, we seem uncomfortable with the idea of taking a conscious and definite approach to our dating lives.
“Romantic love is very enticing and appealing because it is so exciting, usually based on infatuation and lust, but is that good enough reason to marry someone?” She asks. “Women can waste years finding out that the person they are in love with is basically unsuitable for them in the long term.”
First Comes Marriage by Reva Seth, is published by Simon & Schuster.
