It started with a liquorice bullet.
It ended with me collapsing into bed, my body plummeting after my sugar high, having eaten all the chocolate in my house in less than half an hour.
But first, the backstory.
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Yesterday was not a great day.
My back was sore.
I was upset about an issue with a close friend.
I’d worked frenetically and still not finished my To Do list.
I’d spent two full hours in the car schlepping three kids to three different locations.
And I’d returned home at 6pm to discover that my delicious beef dinner was still a cold, raw slab in the pot.
Apparently, the slow cooker only works if you remember to turn it on.
By the time I’d rustled up a new dinner, cleaned up, done the laundry, and got the kids sorted, I was exhausted mentally and physically.
A little treat, I told myself. I deserve a little treat.
I had a few chocolate bullets in the fridge, the remnants of a party bag.
I threw them all into my mouth and chewed.
The hard liquorice made my jaw ache.
It was surprisingly satisfying.
On a normal day, that little treat would have been enough.
I would have enjoyed my bullets with a cup of tea and be done for the night.
But last night, after my really low day, it was only the beginning.
I decided I needed something more.
I returned to the fridge, and found a mini Milky Way, which I proceeded to eat right there in the kitchen.
It was delicious.
By now, I was getting into my groove.
I rummaged further through the kitchen and then I hit the jackpot.
Reece’s Peanut Butter cups. Eight of them.
Now, I don’t really like Peanut Butter cups.
I love peanut butter, and I love chocolate, but the combination in this particular confectionary is too sweet and sickly for my tastes.
But last night, mere issues like ‘taste’ didn’t matter.
It was chocolate.
And I needed the sensation of chocolate, the feeling of chocolate, the emotion of chocolate, rather than the taste of chocolate.
I needed chocolate to fill me up, to comfort me, to take my mind of my exhaustion and my upset and the bad day.
And so I unwrapped the cups and shoved them in my mouth, one by one, until all eight were gone.
Well, I didn’t feel too good after that.
The cups didn’t leave a good taste in my mouth.
On a different day, I would have called it quits.
But this wasn’t a different day, this was yesterday, and I needed to keep going, and so I finished the one remaining chocolate bar in the fridge.
A plain, Cadbury’s Dairy Milk. It was excellent. I ate it all.
And then I returned to the couch, my head swimming with sugar.
I was no longer thinking of my To Do list or my upset or the cold slab of beef.
I was thinking about all the chocolate I had eaten and how full I felt.
But that’s okay.
It’s not a crime to be comforted by food occasionally.
Yes, you should eat well and drink lots of water and treat your body like a temple.
But it’s also okay to have a binge now and then.
Sometimes, you just have to eat all the chocolate and then take yourself to bed.
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